Burger King's A.1 Halloween Whopper Finds the Grinch in Ryan Cady

Photo by Ryan Cady
The only picture you really need to see

You're probably only reading this because you want confirmation of the rumors, huh? Well, fine, let's get it out of the way - we've gotten to know each other pretty well over the years, readers, so I don't have much to hide from you. You know many, many disgusting things about me, so why should I hesitate to add one more item onto the list? Alright. I'm here to confirm your greatest fears.

The Burger King A.1 Halloween Whopper does, in fact, turn your poop green.

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Tasting Taco Bell's Dare Devil Loaded Grillers--The Good, the Bad, and the Ghost Pepper

Categories: Taste Test

Photo by Marina Toft
Let's do this

As I'm sure you people all know, Taco Bell unveiled three new menu items recently, and even though I was out of town (and far away from my local Taco Bell), I pestered my editor and got his permission to go to town on the brand new, highly touted Dare Devil Loaded Grillers. Boasting three flavors with varying levels of spice, the Chipotle, Habanero, and - insert fanfare here - Ghost Pepper Grillers claim to offer "a flavor experience worthy of any adventurer." So, in the spirit of adventure, I enlisted my girlfriend's help, and decided to go into it blind, trying one griller at a time without knowing which is which, trusting solely in my tastebuds.

Of course, God has a mean sense of humor, and when I ventured out to this strange, out-of-town Taco Bell, I was met with awful service, downright terrible quality food preparation, and a shockingly surly staff. Granted, I soldiered on, but I'm not perfect - my experience in this shitty Taco Bell from Hell may have influenced my perception of the Grillers in some way.

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Finding Lay's 2015 Do Us a Flavor Chips and Losing My Humanity

Categories: Taste Test

I am a great soft jelly thing

Three fat white guys walk into a Walgreens, and stumble upon the 2015 Lay's Do Us A Flavor ™ finalists. It's not a joke -- it's my life, and I guess I've come to accept that even when I'm off the goddamned clock, even when I'm not TRYING to stuff my face with Frankensteinian culinary abominations, these things manage to find me. Life imitates art. Dragons come looking for knights eventually. And even if I stop into a convenience store looking for, say, some Emergen-C and a bottle of water, I guess I'll wind up buying four bags of novelty potato chips and eating all of them -- and of course, bringing some friends along, because misery loves company.

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Oreo Thins Are a Heart Breaker and Dream Killer

Categories: Taste Test


You remember how a little while ago, I talked about how the hot dog crust pizza was an innovative step in the right direction for junk food, even if it didn't taste that amazing?

Yeah, Oreo Thins -- the more "grown up", smaller Oreos -- are basically the opposite of that.

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Eating Pizza Hut's Hot Dog Pizza and Accepting the Absurd

Photo by Ryan Cady

Let's just get one thing out of the way before we begin, alright? I'm not gonna hyperbolize here: the new Pizza Hut Hot Dog Bites Crust Pizza is just plain okay. It's not a revolution in flavor -- although, in my opinion, it does sound the war cry for a new renaissance in fast food: the acceptance of the absurd.

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Hikari Poki Bar Opens in Lake Forest

Edwin Goei
Pick a poki.
The poke phenomenon continues. Hikari is the latest sushi bar to realize that these days people don't want sushi, they want poke. Though the menu is still populated with combo plates, sushi rolls, and nigiri, its new owners have rebranded the place as a poke bar. And they've even added a sushi burrito as an option.

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5 Horrible Sodas You've Probably Never Had Before

Categories: Taste Test


Last week, I went over the best sodas I've ever had at RocketFizz, one of the best sweets stores in all the land, but not all is good in the chocolate factory. Part of the fun thing about sodas is that if you're as big of a manbaby as I am, you can find some pretty disgusting draws, after all. Most of the Garbage Pail Brews are custom made for RocketFizz's house brand, "Lester's Fixins" - I don't get the reference, but the image of a smiling, bespectacled man on the bottle usually serves to mock the fool daring enough to sip one of these tainted bubblies.

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bad, soda

Taco Bell's Crispy Chicken is a Fast Food Revolución

Photo by Ryan Cady
Pictured: Trotsky

By now, dear fans, I'm sure you've read my glowing review of Taco Bell's
new Biscuit Taco breakfast items, and, trusting my dietary expertise, you've bought at least 4 of them. But what you probably don't know is the story behind the story, and the Grand Crispy Chicken Prophecy that emerged from my breakfast adventure.

When I heard that Taco Bell was bringing in Crispy Chicken for one of their breakfast tacos, I knew it was only a matter of time before the delicious, golden-fried goodness invaded other aspects of their menu. When I drove through Taco Bell at 7 a.m. on the morning of Thursday, March 26, I saw no promotional material for the new breakfast items, but my faith was rewarded. I chowed down on my Crispy Chicken Biscuit and wrote another culinary epic, I remarked to my editor - "You know, this changes everything. The Crispy Chicken Revolución has arrived."

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Taco Bell's Biscuit Taco Keeps the Dream Alive

Photo by Ryan Cady
That's some nice chicken

Remember those Taco Bell Waffle Taco things? And that weird hash brown Crunchwrap majigger? Well, if you don't, surely you've noticed that Taco Bell is inexplicably open when most of its pot-addled clientele is asleep, the traditional American breakfast hours of 6 to 9 a.m., serving up shit that nobody asked for, like a Sausage 'n Gravy Crunchwrap.

Sidebar with me? Isn't it weird that Taco Bell hasn't tapped into "traditional" Mexican breakfast dishes like huevos rancheros, or anything involving chorizo? I mean, nobody expects authentic from the Bell - that's honestly part of its appeal - but if your entire marketing strategy is to make a breakfast that's somehow drastically different from everyone else's, maybe think about working within genre of food you serve? Instead of just making ANOTHER sausage/egg/cheese breakfast sandwich that happens to be shaped differently.)

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We Eat It So You Don't Have To: Little Caesar's Bacon-Crust Pizza

Categories: Taste Test

Photo by Ryan Cady
Hello, Pizza

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and voice what is probably an unpopular opinion - I think Little Caesar's pizza is actually pretty great.

Now, before you all jump down my throat, and I have to hear "it's cardboard pizza!" for the forty billionth time in my life, just... just shut up and listen. That's hyperbole, and you know it.

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