Once, in a fit of creative madness while writing for this august publication, I wrote a review of the Viking Truck
as a filk of the Völuspá, the Icelandic heroic saga. Our beleaguered editorial staff kindly let it through, and now when I read it, I feel like an adult looking back at a goofy candid picture from 9th grade chorus... what the hell were you thinking, Dave?
This was all I could think of as I combed through the Yelp reviews of Haven Gastropub
, the Orange Circle's most beloved and, um, be-hated restaurant.
First, it seems like writing a review of Haven is a requirement of becoming a Yelp Elite, in the guidelines right next to "must give up anonymity and put picture of face up" and "must act like the Royal Family of Food Writing".
Second, Yelp attracts some really bizarre reviews. Not necessarily bad, just strange
. They run the gamut from people who are obviously bored writing reviews to people who are clearly living in an alternate universe, unsullied by human reality.
So welcome, fair readers, to this week's all-Haven Gastropub edition of the Red Pencil Diaries. More »