Taco Bell Crime of the Week: Waffle Tacos Annoy Neighbors!

Categories: Our Taco Hells

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Illustration from the Jay Brockman Collection
Crime!

Mexican food has a long, if not necessarily proud, history in Minnesota, so it's not surprising that some geezers are upset that the Taco Bell in their neighborhood is drawing big crowds for their new breakfast waffle tacos. How upset? They're complaining to the city council and got a lawyer. WEAK SALSA...

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Taco Bell Crime of the Week: Man Arrested for Arguing with Officer!

Categories: Our Taco Hells

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Jay Brockman
Funny!
As Orange County law enforcement has shown again and again, it's not exactly smart to argue with a cop lest you get a beating that leaves you all pulpy and bloody--if you're lucky. And it's best not to argue with a cop when you're drunk. And it's best not to argue with a cop while you're drunk and he's just trying to eat his meal at Taco Bell.

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Taco Bell Crime of the Week: Store Catches on Fire!

Categories: Our Taco Hells

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Photo by Jay Brockman
Crime only pays in tacos
The biggest crime in Taco Bell-landia last week was it 'fessing up about all the ingredients in its "beef." Methinks to mark the travesty of that, criminals took a week off of committing truly wacky crimes at Taco Bells. Hence, we turn to a mysterious fire in Nowheresville, Ohio for this week's fun.

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Taco Bell Reveals the Ingredients in Its "Beef" (Hint: It Ain't All Meat)

Categories: Our Taco Hells

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Yum
So remember that lawsuit a couple of years ago where some San Diego woman sued Taco Bell for false advertising because she claimed that the beef in their ground beef wasn't really beef? And Taco Bell essentially admitted as such by proclaiming that she was somewhat right, that their beef was only about 88 percent meat, but that USDA regulations allowed them to continue calling the product "beef"? And then the lawsuit went away, Taco Bell created the Doritos Loco taco, and all was well with the chain?

Anyhoo, the Bell finally 'fessed up. Yesterday, they released the names of all the ingredients in their ground "beef" that make up the 12 percent that isn't meat--bunch of industrial products they call "Signature Recipe" and insist transform what Mother Nature gave us into a stellar eating experience. RIGHT...


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Taco Bell Crime of the Week: Cop Car Stuck on Boulder!

Categories: Our Taco Hells

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Have you ever seen many cops at Taco Bell? Not in my experience, unless they're chasing criminals for this column. And that's how a cop ended up getting his car stuck on a boulder.

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McDonald's Zings Taco Bell Over "Ronald McDonald" Ad; Offers Free Coffee Until April 13

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https://twitter.com/McDonalds
Touché clown! Touché!
To counter the successfully engineered hype about Taco Bell's new breakfast waffle taco, which included a commercial where Taco Bell rounded up people actually named Ronald McDonald and got them to say they loved it, McDonald's has created a zinger of its own: a picture of Ronald, kneeling down to pet a very tiny Chihuahua, with the caption "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

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Taco Bell Crime of the Week: Man Gets Hit With Chair for Burping!

Categories: Our Taco Hells

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I must say that in my many, many years of reviewing restaurants--hell, eating at restaurants--I've been lucky to not see people unleash bodily functions in public. I've seen maybe three people vomit outside restaurants (and they were restaurants with booze, mind you), and cannot remember ever hearing someone burp or fart.

That must mean I'm not eating much at Taco Bell, which just saw a customer smacked with a chair because he burped. Yikes!

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Taco Bell Crime of the Week: Workers Charged with Killing Their Manager During Robbery

Categories: Our Taco Hells

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While we hear at Taco Bell Crime of the Week headquarters love to focus on the silly and crazy when it comes to crime at America's largest Mexican fast-food chain, some incidents are so horrific that we have to devote the column to them. And that's the case this week, with the news coming out of Alabama that two Taco Bell workers killed their manager during a robbery attempt.

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Taco Bell Crime of the Week: Man Runs into Taco Bell On Way to Emergency Room!

Categories: Our Taco Hells

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Here at Taco Bell Crime of the Week, we try to stay away from the truly tragic crimes. For instance, this past week saw the deaths of two people at Taco Bells. On the other hand, anytime anyone runs into a Taco Bell, that's weird news to us--especially if the poor sap behind the wheel was on the way to the hospital.

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Taco Bell Introduces Breakfast Waffle Tacos--Um, What?

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Years ago, a reporter with the New York Times asked me a simple question: what constitutes a taco? After thinking about it for a bit, I said it's a folded tortilla stuffed with ingredients.

"How about if it's a slice of bread, folded?"

No, I responded. It wasn't the form itself but content mixed with form--in other words, it's the folding of a tortilla for a singular meal that makes a taco. It's why the lettuce you use to wrap around cha gio doesn't make it a Vietnamese taco, why using rice paper in Korean BBQ doesn't make Korean tacos, and why getting a pita and wrapping it around shawerma doesn't make it an Arabic taco (unless, of course, it's a taco árabe).

But we now live in a postmodern, post-Reconquista world, so tacos are apparently whatever people deem tacos to be. And that's how we've come to this: Taco Bell has announced a push toward breakfast in March with the introduction of breakfast waffle tacos.

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