The 5 Most Horrible Things To Have Ever Happened at a Dive Bar (Possibly)

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Photo by Weekly Dig
Normally, great places to drink!

As Taylor "Hellcat" Hamby knows and frequently reveals in her wonderful weekly column, Dive, Dive My Darling, some weird (and often times horrible) shit goes down at your local dive bars, from vagina-shaving discussions to the worst bruschetta in Orange County, and much more in between.

Need more proof? Earlier this week, a Reddit thread asked dive bar bartenders to tell their most horrible stories, and well, they're doozies.

Curious? Check out the five most horrible stories after the jump. Some of these pretty bad, so don't say I didn't warn you.

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How to Instagram Your Food Without Looking Like an Asshole

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Photo by Elke Wetzig
Pictured: not you

I literally take Instagrams for a living. Like, seriously, that's basically what people give me money to do. Now, I'm not claiming to be an expert, but I have learned a thing or two about IGing food in public places.

Beautiful food pictures are everything, but they're not worth looking like a douche over. Too often do people look like tools nowadays trying to get the perfect shot... that tend to look horrible anyway. Here are some tips of the trade to make sure you avoid being an ass the next time you eat out:

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The 5 Most Egregious Big Mac Rip-Offs Of All Time

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McDonald's
So good.

The fast food war is a rough life. No one thinks eating food from out of a window is a good thing to do anymore. The market for fast food isn't growing. So marketing fast food today is more about who's hip and who's cool than it is about the quality of the food. To grow, companies need to literally steal customers from each other.

The restaurants have sunk to taking direct pot shots at each other (Taco Bell v. McDonalds, anyone?) and even more or less directly ripping off menu items.

Need proof? Well, here are the first most egregious Big Mac rip offs to have ever existed, and they're all pretty new.

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Five Reasons Whole Foods Is The Worst Place On Earth

Categories: Five Great...

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Flickr user ilovemypit, via Creative Commons
Inside lurks the most aggravating shopping experience in America--yes, even worse than Walmart on the day before deer season or Costco the day before Thanksgiving.
Let's not bury the lede: Whole Foods sucks. It doesn't matter whether it's in Los Angeles, New Orleans, or Santa Fe, the entire place raises my blood pressure more than any other store on Earth (except for the Ladurée shop on the Champs-Élysées in Paris, which is easily avoided since macarons are one of the most overrated desserts on Earth).

I go there, hate it though I do, for the shrinking list of things I like to eat that I can't get elsewhere (today's discovery: filmjölk at Mother's Market), and I'm reminded how much of a misfit I am in that store: a truck-driving, pro-gun, politically apathetic linebacker-sized guy in a sea of thin, liberal Prius drivers. I always feel like a bull in an organic, fair-trade china shop. After yet another shopping trip to the Tustin Whole Foods that left me drinking straight from the whiskey bottle after I got home, I decided to catalogue what bothers me most.

And yet, despite the fact that it makes my eyes roll so hard I briefly go blind, I still go back, because sometimes you can't get the stuff anywhere else. Damn you, Whole Foods.

See also: The 13 Most Overcooked Food Trends

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5 Places to Find New York Pizza in Orange County

Categories: Five Great...

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Photo by Hungry Dudes
Mmmm.. Pizza

Coastal rivalry aside, Californians will admit, for the sake of pizza, that New York pies deserve the hype (We're not conceding though. We'd rather have a California pizza than a New York burrito any day).

A real pizza pie, as New Yorkers call it, should be around 18 inches in diameter, thin-crusted, greasy enough to induce a little guilt, and must have the perfect amount of burnt cheese, or 'bubbles,' atop sauce and dough. Though it's safe to say no Californian joint could ever produce an authentic NY slice, many come close.

Interested in grabbing a New York slice? I suggest you head onto the 405.


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The 10 Meatiest Sins of Orange County

Categories: Five Great...

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Photo by Christopher Bulle
Unf.

As a former two-year vegetarian, ribs, pastrami, and barbecue chicken were nowhere in my dictionary. At barbecue restaurants, I (sadly) opted for salads and pasta while my friends sucked on ribs. One bite of meat was a capital vice. Then I became not a vegetarian.

Vegetarians, this is your guide to vegetarian hell - the 10 meatiest and deadliest sins in Orange County. Be wary: temptation may be provoked. And hey, if (when) you decide to start eating meat again, you can use this as a reference.

In no particular order..


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5 Other Asian-Esque Desserts You Need to Try

Categories: Five Great...

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Photo by Puck Goodfellow
It gets better.

Whether you're searching for a crepe filled with green tea ice cream or even a donut filled with Vietnamese iced coffee, Orange County is full of Asian-esque desserts as far as the eye can see. You don't have to drive an hour and a half for snow, you can find it right in Irvine. Want some mochi, but with a twist? You can have that too.

Don't know where to start? Here are five of the most notable Asian-esque desserts available in Orange County. Tip: be sure to take them with a side of boba milk tea for a full experience, and, oh yeah, you might just want to skip dinner.


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The 5 Worst Celebrity Chef Recipes in Existence

Categories: Five Great...

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Photo by Stacy Herbert
Hey! This illustrates this post pretty well.

Celebrity chefs aren't always the best cooks. When it's about ratings, being TV pretty is a lot more important than how good your food tastes (especially when your audience isn't actually eating your food). Most celebrity chefs don't even write their own recipes, relying instead on a team of freelance recipe ghost writers who, like any other kind of freelancer, will write most anything if it means a paycheck (Don't be angry at me everybody, I've done it too. That's the life of a sell sword).

So what happens when people write whatever someone will buy? Well. uh. this happens. The five worst celebrity chef recipes in existence.


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Just in Time for Sunday, 3 Denver and Seattle Food Specialties to Try

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Photo by Marshall Astor
Yayyy partyyy

This Sunday, I'll be at my friend's house watching two teams that aren't the San Francisco 49ers play in the big game. It's going to be horrible. Between the fact that I used to live in Seattle (and the Seahawks used to buy ads in my paper) and the fact that they knocked my team out of the running (also, division rivals and everything), who am I supposed to pull for? Bruno Mars? The Red Hot Chili Peppers? The weather?

All I know is, it's going to be a really long day, and all I'm going to have to keep me company is beer and food (and a whole mess of people).

At least I'm in Orange County, because we'll have the barbecue going, and I'm going to have my pick of everything from carne asada, to thit nuong and regular ol' burgers. If I were in Seattle? Or Denver? Well...

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5 Vietnamese Foods to Try In Time for Tet

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Photo by Nguyen Quan
Happy New Year!

It's Tết, the Vietnamese Lunar New Year celebration this week, completely with explosions, tradition and food. Want to be an intermediate-level Tet-food-eater? Here are five foods full of glutinous rice, mung beans, and banana leaves for you to try out.

Is it a little work to eat? Yeah, and it might not be the healthiest thing either, but hey, you probably gave up on being leaner already, and you might as well get some good luck (and red envelops) for your hard work.


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