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We Eat It So You Don't Have To: Subway's Flatizza

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flickr user TheImpulsiveBuy
It's...beautiful?

Do you remember those little Lunchables pizzas? You know the ones--served on a hard little open-faced cracker, tomato sauce with all the zest of a jar of Gerber baby food, topped with chips of alkali-cured pepperoni and a powdery white "cheese product"? Have you ever thought about microwaving one of those?

If so, better switch careers--you've got a future at Subway.

The Flatizza (I'm still not certain if it's pronounced fluh-tease-uh or flat-eat-zuh), a miracle of modern food engineering, comes from the same people that brought you such glorious innovations as gray, slimy meat (served one thin strip per two inches of sandwich, of course), caulk-gun mayonnaise, and, of course, tuna salad that can be expelled with an ice cream scoop.

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Panda Express Adds Bacon To Its Orange Chicken; Fans Outraged!

Categories: Chain Reactions

Panda Express
Bacon, apparently, doesn't go with everything, says Panda Express' Facebook fans.
As a person of Chinese descent and a food critic, you'd think I'd have bad things to say about Panda Express. But to the contrary, I love their stuff, especially the sickly-sweet, addictive, but barely Chinese dish called Orange Chicken (Seriously, if you've not read Jennifer 8. Lee's Fortune Cookie Chronicles, you must!).

But as a person of Chinese descent, I had to laugh when people who aren't of Chinese descent took to Panda Express' Facebook page to express outrage about Panda Express' new Orange Chicken with Bacon--a recent introduction to their menu along with some sort of kale-based dish.


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McDonald's Japan's 'McChurros' Look Suspiciously Like Chinese Donuts

Categories: Chain Reactions

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I'm going to assume that churros aren't really common place in Japan, which is why McDonald's Japan can get away with calling their new dessert item a McChurro when it's obviously just a chinese donut (the youtiao/dầu cháo quẩy kind, not the puffy sugar donut kind).

But hey, it's a Chinese donut that you can get covered in cinnamon sugar or with a side of maple syrup, so that's kind of close, right?

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Slapfish & Ritual JuiceBox Open In Laguna Beach

Categories: Chain Reactions

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LP Hastings
Extra tartar sauce welcome

In a city flanked by roads leading to pageants and resorts, local businesses balance out a beachside community like Laguna. Two successful concepts are joining south OC in time to remedy us from crazy heatwave weather.

For starters, Ritual Wellness announced their third branch of Ritual JuiceBox. Headquartered in Irvine, the pricey 'mylks' and lemonades are found at the Village Faire Shops at 1100 South Pacific Coast Highway. Smoothies-on-demand and additional feel-good products will also be on the menu. While juicing isn't in my daily regimen, the sweet greens make for a palatable beginner's drink (if only I could afford them). They opened last Friday, and are open weekdays from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m., 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. over the weekend. www.ritualcleanse.com.

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Burger King Bringing Back "Subservient Chicken"

Categories: Chain Reactions

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Screenshot from SubservientChicken.com
The Subservient Chicken's webcam.

The year was 2004. The iPhone was still 3 years away, and YouTube hadn't been invented. Yes, it was practically the Stone Age. But there was this webcam website called subservientchicken.com where you could type commands and get a man in a chicken suit to dance "The Robot" and perform other puerile tasks. The site (and the chicken) became one of most successful viral marketing campaigns of all time, promoting Burger King's TenderCrisp Chicken sandwich.


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Mountain Dew Baja Blast Available In Stores Starting May 5

Categories: Chain Reactions

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Soon available in stores!

Alright everyone, I know some of you really, reallllly like Mountain Dew Baja Blast, the (until now) exclusive Taco Bell Flavor of Mountain Dew. Well, I've got some good news for you: You don't have to mix blue Gatorade with anything anymore because starting May 5, you'll be able to buy Baja Blast in stores.

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Scoopfest At Baskin-Robbins Is Going On NOW

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Anne Marie Panoringan
Warm temperatures, cool desserts

It started yesterday, is going on now, and lasts until tomorrow. Scoopfest 2014 is happening at a Baskin-Robbins near you, and all you need to do is show up. A single kids scoop is a buck, two for $2, three for $3 and so on. There's also some unconfirmed rumor that (similar to an In-N-Out burger dare) this has no limits-- meaning someone could hypothetically show up with a bucket and ask for 100 scoops for $100. Hey, maybe my friends at Foodbeast should shed some light on this?

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Chipotle Raising Its Prices

Categories: Chain Reactions

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Photo by Mr. T in DC
Soon to be just slightly more expensive.

According to an announcement by Chipotle during an earnings call last week, that barbacoa burrito with extra sour cream is going to cost you a bit more soon. The chain is instituting the first price hike since 2011. They cite rising costs for beef, avocados and cheese for the increase.

What does this mean for you? Expect to pay about 3 to 5% higher for your meal. For a typical $8 burrito bowl, this translates to about 24 to 40 cents more.

The price increase will be rolled out in a few weeks, as soon as the new menu boards are installed.

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Taco Bell Fires Back At McDonald's (After They Fired After Taco Bell Fired) w/Another Diss Commercial

Categories: Chain Reactions

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Think the Breakfast Fast Food War of 2014 was done after McDonald's tried to undercut Taco Bell by offering free coffee for the next two weeks? Nope.

Taco Bell debuted another McDonald's-specific breakfast ad yesterday, taking a shot at how dated the McMuffin is. That's near blasphemy levels. It's the second time they've made McDonald's a target, the first being their Ronald McDonald commercial.

Poor McDonald's, having to defend themselves from the Big Mac rip offs, and this Taco Bell onslaught.

Check after the jump for the commercial, AND for notes from Taco Bell's conference call yesterday morning.

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Del Taco's Response To Taco Bell's Breakfast: Its Own Line of Breakfast Tacos and Free Hash Browns

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http://deltaco.com
Looks more like a taco than a folded waffle.
Apparently this Taco Bell breakfast business hasn't gotten lost on the other OC-based fast food taco chain. As a response, the Lake Forest-headquartered company has put out a press release that notes that it has been "serving breakfast for more than 30 years".

Although it didn't follow that proclamation with "so there", it might as well have--the firm is adding breakfast tacos to its line up of breakfast burritos. It introduced the new items yesterday.

And to sweeten the deal, it's adding an order of hash browns sticks for free until April 27 if you buy two breakfast tacos.

Here's a snippet from their release.

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