"What do you think is better--breakfast or dinner at IKEA," my chica asked while she scarfed down pasta and vegetables with marinara sauce and I enjoyed a slightly-better-than-so-so chicken alfredo.

"Breakfast," I replied.

"Why," my best friend, Art, asked.

"Because it's cheaper," I said, before adding, "Besides, it's better food."

He cast me a mocking look. Yes, gentle readers: I'm a cheapskate. But IKEA is better for breakfast--99 cents for a so-so breakfast as opposed to $4 for the cheapest combo platter? No contest. This discussion quickly stopped, however, as I began forking through the mandeltarta, otherwise known as almond cake.

I've always been puzzled about the etymological origins of the nut, wondering why the English almond and Spanish almendra were so far apart from the Northern European mandel. I always thought that the Spanish word came first, derived from Arabic due to the Moors, then sailed across the English Channel allah other words like algebra, and that mandel derived from Old German or some other proto-tongue. But according to this entry (much more reliable than Wikipedia for etymological purposes, I tell you what), the two share the same root: amendla, from the Vulgar Latin.The al- in Spanish and English doesn't come from Arabic but Old French.

Strange...as is the flavor of IKEA's mandeltarta. It's almond overload: shaved almonds on top of an almond-spiked cream and almond bread. Don't expect a sugary, frosty concoction with the mandeltarta; it's just like its nutty in flavor, naturally creamy, not too sweet, underrated and quite the dessert. At a buck and change, it's a great dessert--and pared with lingonberry juice, perfect to fuel the IKEA homestretch with a chick that wants to buy every damn item.

IKEA, 1475 South Coast Dr., Costa Mesa, (714) 444-4532.

Since milady has the appetite of a puppy, and her business is near the Mother's Market in SanTana, I usually trek over there to buy the gal lunch. Their food court is a smaller version of the grand, wasteful buffet Whole Foods operates, and while some entrees seem appetizing (rice pilafs, soups), others define bad buffet food. I recently saw black-bean burritos in one tray, and beyond the fact that no respectable burrito features the dark legume (sorry, Chipotle fans: only the southern states of Mexico eat black beans, and the burrito is a borderlands phenomenon), I saw a lot of burritos soggy with their sweat. Soggy burritos make great weapons in TP-ing a house but as a foodstuff qualify as an insult slightly below mild habanero salsa.

I digress. Yesterday, I bought milady a slice of pizza--big, organic, sitting for only a couple of minutes, and quite pricey at $2.75. I haven't tried pizza-by-the-slice since the summer, when I was at a conference in Philadelphia and you could find multiple places that sold them by the buck. While getting her one, I noticed Mother's also offered a pizza with jalapeño and soy pepperoni. If I was going to get ripped off, why not do it twicely?

Too many mock meats have a greasy aftertaste to them, and Mother's soy pepperoni doesn't buck the trend. I would've liked more cheese, and a milkier kind at that. But the slice kept improving in flavor with every bite, until I reached it's glorious crust: crunchy like a chicharrón, not greasy at all, with a robust yeast flavor. I still say Mother's pizza-by-the-slice is a bit much, but buy a large one for about $18 and you'll have a good treat.

Mother's Market SanTana, 151 E. Memory Ln., Santa Ana, (714) 542-6667; www.mothersmarket.com

Something seemed fishy yesterday when the County Board of Supervisors voted to reject health department and grand jury recommendations for more user-friendly signs displayed in restaurant windows to warn the public of potential health safety violations (the board had already rejected the supremely helpful A-B-C grading system visible in the window of every eatery in LA). Instead, the board voted to make some very minor changes to the cryptic, small-print signs already displayed in restaurant windows around the county. Seems like a strange decision in light of of the health department's recommendations and the OC Register's findings that last year alone, 20,000 health violations were reported in the county's 13,173 restaurants.

Supervisor John Moorlach's idea for a color-coded system similar to the grading system in LA was also shot down. The most vocal opponent was supervisor Janet Nguyen, who refused to even vote for the minor changes to the current placards. And it's no wonder: Orange Juice Blog today connects a few dots in the case of Nguyen, who is quoted in a Register article as saying that a vote in favor of the handy color-coded system, "could really be devastating to restaurant owners." What she forgot to add at the end of her sentence is "...like my husband Tony Bonikowski, who owns a Lee's Sandwiches franchise." And the little nugget that his restaurant was in violation of county health safety codes as late as this past summer. 

My only Morton's The Steakhouse experience was at the original location in Chicago last summer. After a successful book signing at Tianguis and my Sancho Panza's subsequent heartbreak, I treated him to the pricey eatery. The food was excellent--not as wonderful as, say, Manhattan Supper Club--but much better than Fleming's. Even better was the cute Polish waitress...but that's another story.

I will make it a point to revisit Morton's this Sunday. In honor of the chain's 30th anniversary, they're offering free mini-burgers at the bar like those pictured here. Their O.C. locales are 1641 W. Sunflower Ave. in SanTana, (714-444-4834) and 1895 S. Harbor Blvd. Anaheim,(714-621-0101). Happy free eating!

The Cancer Project today issued its list of the five worst fast-food value menu items. And the envelopes, please...

 

1) Junior Bacon Cheeseburger (Jack in the Box, pictured). $1; 400 calories; 23 grams of fat; 8 grams of saturated fat; 1 gram of trans fat; 55 milligrams of cholesterol; 860 milligram of sodium; 1 gram of fiber; processed meat; grilled beef; high-fat dairy. Judges comment: "costs a dollar, but consumers who make it a regular part of their diet might end up paying a pretty penny in healthcare costs." 

 

2) Cheesy Double Beef Burrito (Taco Bell). 89 cents; 460 calories; 20 grams of fat; 7 grams of saturated fat; 1.5 grams of trans fat; 40 milligrams of cholesterol; 1,620 milligrams of sodium; 5 grams of fiber; processed meat; high-fat dairy. Judges comment: "offers an astonishing 1,620 milligrams of sodium--more than two-thirds the recommended daily maximum. The high levels of sodium commonly found in fast food can contribute to high blood pressure and calcium loss from bones."

 

3) Breakfast Sausage Biscuit (Burger King). $1; 420 calories; 27 grams of fat; 15 grams of saturated fat; 0.5 gm trans fat; 35 milligrams of cholesterol; 1,090 milligrams of sodium; 1 gram of fiber; processed meat. Judges comment: "The Breakfast Sausage Biscuit might be the worst possible choice for the most important meal of the day."

 

4) McDouble (McDonald's). $1; 390 calories; 19 grams of fat; 8 grams of saturated fat; 1 gram of trans fat; 65 milligrams of cholesterol; 920 milligrams of sodium; 2 grams of fiber; high-fat dairy. Judges comment: "The McDouble, which recently replaced the Double Cheeseburger on McDonald's Dollar Menu, is a double disaster that derives more than 43 percent of its calories from fat."

 

5) Junior Bacon Cheeseburger (Wendy's). $1.53; 310 calories; 16 grams of fat; 6 grams of saturated fat; 0.5 grams of trans fat; 50 milligrams of cholesterol; 670 milligrams of sodium; 1 gram of fiber; processed meat; high-fat dairy. Judges comment: "Wendy's also offers the Double Stack, a sandwich with two beef patties. If the Double Stack is ordered with optional extras, including cheese sauce and three strips of bacon, it's actually more unhealthful than the Junior Bacon Cheeseburger--but those options cost extra."

Nachos have an interesting existence--enjoyed mostly by gabachos yet of Mexican origins, but created to serve hungry gabachos. Edwin has written about the carne asada nachos Alerto's (or is it Alberto's?), and the county has enough renditions of Chili Billies to placate a Little League squad. But perhaps the best take built specifically for the white man is at Rutabegorz, which is wrapping up its 30th anniversary in Tustin.

I went a couple of days ago at the insistence of milady, who wanted something healthy. I do enjoy Rutabegorz, but find their prices a bit much and servings not too distinctive. All that changed with the nachos--a plate the size of a basketball hoop covered with melted jack-and-cheddar. The chips were warm, not stale, and held some of the best pinto beans in my life: small, hearty, smooth. Guacamole sat in the center, but I can't tell you how good it is because I don't like avocado (quick aside: yeah, bring on the spiteful comments about how this Mexican hates the fruit. Water off my back: the biggest boos I've ever received in my life was at San Clemente High School, when I told a group of students--half-Mexican, half-gabachos--I didn't like avocados. I thought they were going to do a Francisco Torres on me). The cheese wasn't gooey but rather thick like a quesadilla; the salsa, given that it was Rutabegorz, was as strong as water but helped immensely once I spiked it with Tabasco (again--this is Rutabegorz). I ate half of the plate--I can eat mucho, yet the nachos filled me so much I only ate a couple of forkfuls of my garlic chicken pasta (which, btw, is excellent--any time you mix feta with pine nuts and sun-dried tomatoes, you have a winner).

We ended with Rutabegorz's famous holiday treat: pumpkin cookies smeared with frosting that won't leave your tongue dry due to its super-sweetness. Take a dozen to your company Christmas party, and you're guaranteed to get lucky.

Rutabeborz in Tustin, 158 W. Main, Tustin, (714) 731-9807; www.rutabegorz.com

At the Irvine Spectrum, according to this post here on the OC Metblogs. Personally, I've become re-acquainted with the chain's terrific burgers, ever since I moved to Seal Beach and can easily walk to the one at the end of the Seal Beach Pier.....

It's all about the grilled onions.

I decided to end a day of puttering around my apartment by getting some air and taking my

Sunday Times up the street to the In-N-Out Burger on the corner of PCH and 2nd in Long Beach. For whatever reason, I was in a grilled onion mood for my Double Double, except I wanted the onions on the side, so I can slap 'em on my burger at my pace, rather than relying on a griddle jockey to do it for me. Simple request, no?

Umm, no. Even though I'd gotten grilled onions on the side many times before, the young lady behind the counter totally dee-nied me. I asked how come, then she wrangled a supervisor-type person, who explained that they can't give customers grilled onions on the side because the health department says thay can't.

The health department? Does this same health department know about such In-N-Out concoctions as the 100-by-100, seen in the photo here? Now that sucker is what I call a health hazard.

Turns out the reason a side of hot-off-the-grill onions are verboten is that the paper fry slips, which is usually what they're placed in when they're requested on the side, aren't considered to be a proper sanitary container. "We keep getting in trouble with the health department for doing that, so the company said that we can't offer grilled onions on the side anymore," said my cashier.

So, I'm pissed. Protesting Prop 8 suddenly seems like a waste of time, compared to this culinary injustice. OK, not really, but still . . . 

 

 

Don't get me wrong--I like Mother's Market, our homegrown Whole Foods. I make it a point to support businesses that subscribe to the principles of the Slow Food movement--we all are sinners (except for the do-gooders at Avanti Cafe), so I understand slip-ups or exceptions occur from time to time. But I was still surprised when I saw Cacique cheese on the shelves of Mother's location in SanTana amongst organic, fair-trade offerings. I'm very familiar with the brand, having eaten the queso fresco my entire life because Mami conditioned me to eat every meal accompanied with a thick slab of the wet, creamy cheese. But there's nothing organic about the cheese--doesn't say anything about the website or the packaging. Perhaps Mother's figures its hippy-dippy clientele base will mistake the cheese for a vintage fromage?

Mother's definitely doesn't offer Cacique to attract more Mexicans. The price I saw yesterday was $5.95. At Northgate Supermarket, just a couple of minutes away on Fourth Street, the same wheel of Cacique was going for $4.49, almost a buck-fifty less. I don't mind paying more cash for organic, fair-trade stuff that tastes better than its mass-produced peers, but I also don't appreciate ripoffs. Get on the Mexican ball, Mother's--and, while you're at it, fix the spelling errors on the sign hawking cactus. In Spanish, it's nopales, not napales--and in English, it's cactus, not catus.

The greatest shame of my life is that my siblings--raised on the stove of a Mexican mami--loves crappy food. The eldest son of the Arellano clan has covered food for the Weekly for more than six years, knows all the great joints in Orange County--but they prefer Papa John's. I urge them to visit Rufino's, they elect Olive Garden. I say Ma's Islamic Chinese, they want Panda Express, orange chicken. So when my sister celebrated her 22nd birthday on Sunday and asked I picked a restaurant, I knew that whatever choice I could offer, it would inevitably turn into Benihana.

My siblings are a bunch of wabs? I've long ridiculed them for getting wowed like Iowans at the sight of chefs over a teppanyaki table flipping shrimp tails into their breast pocket. It's overpriced, it's vile, and I know many better Japanese restaurants with even wackier theatrics. I suggested we visit Kappo Suzumaru, or--if they wanted the yakitori experience--Shin Sen Gumi Ramen in Fountain Valley. We ended up at Benihana.

I will praise chain cuisine when required. Jack-'n'-the-Box has perfected legalized meth with their tacos. McDonald's still makes the best breakfast sandwich on earth--the Egg McMuffin--and its apple pie is with few peers. In-n-Out rules. So don't think that my hatred of Benihana has to do with my gastronomical elitism, or my over-romanticization of hole-in-the-wall restaurants. No, I don't like Benihana because the food is as gross as (insert your favorite Japanese fetish porno here).

Everyone in my clan of six went for specials that included:

Need some delicately folded pink meat to counter your sausage party? Visit SanTana's Tommy Pastrami every Monday night and watch some football. Organized by the political prankster known as Ben Dayhoe, you should go and relax with Tommy's massive sandwiches of the pastrami and other meats provenance. Even if you don't like the ol' pigskin, Tommy Pastrami remains as delicious as I remember it from years ago--plus, the SanTana location offers beers on tap. Me, not being a fan of swill, will arrive soused on another kind of sauce but ready for some dessert. Even better: free WiFi!

I'm a sucker for free samples. You'll often see me at Costco on Saturday mornings making the rounds on the sample buffet, emulating Homer Simpson. Remember that episode?

Anyway, it looks like I'll have two places to graze this weekend. All L.A. and Orange County Whole Foods will be doing a Thanksgiving Tasting this Saturday, November 15th, from NOON to 3 P.M. It's all to promote their Thanksgiving products.

Stuff you'll see:
Spiral Cut Ham from Meat Department
Mary’s Brined Turkey
Mashed Potatoes
Traditional Stuffing
Turkey Gravy
Creamed Spinach
Creamed Corn
Cranberry Sauce

Fresh & Easy will mark its first year in business with the debut of its 100th store, opening at 1207 South Euclid Street in Fullerton, this Wednesday, November 12th at 10:00 a.m.

Although I am impressed with its achievements (as well as curious about its selection of cheaply priced organic produce), I am left with one question: With 100 stores already in existence, how did Tustin, Irvine, and Costa Mesa get left out?

If you take a gander at this Google map of its current locations in O.C., you'll notice the strange dearth of F&E's where this food critic usually trods.

What gives F&E? Where are you when Irvine/Tustin/Costa Mesa needs you most? Whole Foods (a.k.a. Whole Paycheck) won't be that hard to beat in this economic climate.

UPDATE: Got a nice and enlightening e-mail from one of the nice folks at F&E, who happened to be reading this post and the discussion that followed. Here's what she said:

I can’t tell you how much we have learned from everyone’s candid remarks.

I read your blog this morning on “Stick a Fork in It” and I wanted to send you a quick email to answer your questions about the locations you were interested in – Tustin, Costa Mesa and Irvine.

By no means have we avoided looking into these areas. In fact, we are very actively looking at properties in all three neighborhoods. Due to the economic situation in the US the property markets have been heavily affected, creating a rather difficult environment to secure property. Some properties have been significantly impacted by foreclosures and some shopping center developments have outright stopped, which may slow us down a little in our original plans to expand in that area.

Needless to say, we are still exploring many options in all three of those neighborhoods, so don’t count us out yet! Also, we don’t announce store locations until we are absolutely certain the property is secured – that way we don’t promise anything we cannot live up to.

So….that is the long and short of it! If you have a specific location you are thinking that a F&E would work for you and your neighbors, by all means let us know! http://www.freshandeasy.com/locationSuggestions.aspx

The latest Mother's Market had a soft opening this past weekend, and thank God for that: The proposed mother ship of O.C.'s O.G. hippy-dippy eco-food industry has a lot of work to do.

I visited late Sunday, jonesing for some munchies. The deli portion of the place won't be finished until its grand opening in a couple of weeks--fine, but they've had over a year to open the place; why the delays? It's twice as big as Mother's' other markets, with an over-emphasis on vitamin pills--SanTana needs more produce than remedies, and the aisle for fresh veggies and fruits is shockingly small. Prices are a bit much, but such is the burden of eating healthy in this modern world.

Here's the clincher, though: I finally decided on some chili almonds for my snack. I've grabbed a bag at Mother's Costa Mesa and Irvine locations before with no problem and overworked salivary glands, so toasty and spicy and nutsy they are. In SanTana's spot, they were horrible: bland, stale, disgusting. When milady asked for a refund, not only did it take about 10 minutes for three workers to make a decision about it (while a long line formed behind us and with no other registers open), but they also made us pay $3 more when they said we could get a replacement bag of pine nuts (no cash refunds)! North and Central County: go to Mother's only for its deli, which I'll return to try. Otherwise, get your goods at farmer's markets--cheaper, and with a much-friendlier atmosphere.

Final point: the music? Salsa and merengue. Mother's: we're in SanTana, not pinche Miami. I'm not even asking for norteño or banda--play some Grateful Dead like the quasi-racist Corner Bakery across the parking lot does.

The gal and I have been eating a lot recently at the Corner Bakery in SanTana's failed City Place lofts because the food is surprisingly good--I always get the muy-cheap Anaheim scramble, although I'm still wondering why the chain named the meal that considering SanTana's not Anaheim, and there are no Anaheim chilies in it.

But the strangest thing in this Corner Bakery is a photo montage on the walls depicting SanTana life. The usual suspects appear--French Park, hipsters playing guitars, the old county courthouse, and so forth. A lot of white faces--a lot. Nothing wrong with that, of course, but in a city that's at least 85 percent Latino, ain't it a bit disconcerting that the only Latino faces on the wall are kitchen drones and an empty Fourth Street?

Today only, Mimi's Cafe in Laguna Niguel, in celebration of its "grand reopening" of that particular restaurant with a new interior and new menu items, will have a ribbon cutting with the mayor at 7:00 AM, and giveaways throughout the day totaling about $5000.

The best part is that the first 100 customers who are 18-years of age or older, will get $100 gift cards.

The restaurant is at 27430 La Paz Rd. in Laguna Niguel. The restaurant hours are from 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. Though the free gift cards, I expect, will be gone within the first hour or less.

*Moved up until someone wins...

Blind item: What famous local owner-chef, whose restaurant is a Weekly standard since our days in Costa Mesa (only hint I'll give) was caught shopping at a local Fresh & Easy? First person to leave the name and restaurant below gets a $20 gift certificate to their eatery! Weekly employees aren't eligible--we've been ordering from this place's places almost every week (another hint)!

By the way, Fresh & Easy is pretty damn good for a mega-chain--cheap prices and good store brands--their massive bar of Belgian chocolate bests anything made in the States with the exception of See's.

In-N-Out, one of the best chains in history is celebrating its 60th anniversary tomorrow. This Southern California original always amazes me in that during the 60-years it's been cooking, quality or service hasn't declined.

Also, there's the consistency. No gimmicky items such as a pastrami or guacamole burger ever gets on the menu. Any new item is usually a product of customer request, and just involves one ingredient they already make, combined with another, like the Animal-Style Fries; and no item is ever retired.

However, I do wish they brought back John Goodman as its spokesman. His throaty pronouncements of the perfect lunch, broadcast over L.A. and O.C. radio waves, triggers an instant Pavlovian response and serves as a reminder "Hey, I haven't had one this week!"

I argue that there is no better champion of its deliciousness than him. Why? Well, its the kind of meal that only a fat man could credibly endorse.

My perfect In-N-Out meal? Hamburger Animal Style with Onion. Fries Well. Medium Coke.

What's yours?

Note: There's a hoax e-mail floating around that purported that the chain was lowering its prices on the date of its anniversary. I got a copy of it a few weeks ago. It is, of course, false. Tonight, I snapped a pic of this sign posted at the Tustin In-N-Out, whereupon the company responds.

Leave it up to my alma mater's paper, The New University, to do front line reporting on the frozen yogurt battle raging across the street from the school.

When the gauntlet was dropped on September 26th -- that's when the University Town Center outlet of Yogurtland opened yards away from Golden Spoon -- they were there, interviewing the two sides.

One has been a fixture at the University Town Center since 1987. The other, the upstart, is part of the empire that has so far managed to hold off Pinkberry and others.

Both serve frozen yogurt and each purports itself to be a healthy alternative to ice cream. Although one does it the old fashioned way, served from behind the counter. While the other leaves it to you and prices by weight.

This is a war that will undoubtedly incur many casualties: waist lines, money from parents; but judging from what the owner of Golden Spoon has to say, his shop won't be one of them.

I'll let The New University's Kristian Cloyd to tell you the rest of the story.

One of the first investigative series I wrote was on Gigante Supermarkets, a multibillion-dollar Mexican chain that wanted to open a store in Anaheim in order to conquer local Latino households. Its efforts made national headlines because this multinational cried the race card after Anaheim planning officials approved their plans but denied a liquor license because the area where Gigante wanted to open a store already had too many over the legal limit. Gigante enlisted the help of mega-hitters--PR firm Waters & Faubel, race warrior Larry "Nativo" Lopez (who memorably, stupidly said Gigante's rejection amounted to "market ethnic cleansing"), and then-Anaheim mayoral candidate Curt Pringle--in order to browbeat the Anaheim City Council into approving the liquor license, going so far as to make the ridiculous claim Latinos in Anaheim were underserved in their supermarket needs. Gigante won, opened a store in 2003, and quickly spoke of becoming the dominant Latino supermarket in Southern California.

So what was the sign we saw yesterday while driving up Euclid Avenue on the way to visit Mami y Papi? A new sign proclaiming "EL SUPER." This is what I get for not reading the Orange County Business Journal--seems Gigante sold off its American holdings to another business over the summer, and the Gigante Reconquista is over. The culprit wasn't the faltering economy, but rather homegrown--the Northgate Gonzalez supermarket empire.