Texas, what the hell happened to you? You used to be, you know, Texas
: a proud stretch of state, a country unto its own that didn't need the rest of us to tell you how to live. Where Tejanos, African-Americans, Czechs, Germans, Poles, and a hella lot other people created one of the great regional cultures of America. Sure, you guys gave us Dubya (kind of) and LBJ, but you also rewarded the world with Nolan Ryan, Roger Staubach, and your cuisine: Tex-Mex, barbecue, chili, seafood from the Gulf of Mexico and Two Pesos v. Taco Cabana
, the influential Supreme Court decision that ensured restaurants could never rip off their competitors' look ever again.
But now, your just a shadow of yourself. The Cowboys tanked last year, Tex-Mex's decline is so precipitous that Texas Monthly
last year announced the rise of Mex-Tex, a cute term that only means Texan culture is on the skids, and poor Whataburger never could parlay constant shout-outs on King of the Hill
into a national following.
And the worst part of it all? Y'all are going crazy over In-n-Out. In-n-Out--a California
institution. California: your eternal opposite. By golly, if Sam Houston and his slave-loving ways were still around, he'd vamoose to Oklahoma.More »