A Plea for the Art of Fast Food, Or: Why 'Bad' Food Is Good, Damn It
Photo by Don A goddamn masterpiece
Down here in Weekly World, LP and I are desk neighbors, so that means that every time I decide to eat "badly" for lunch (my quotes, not hers), I get an earful; it's kind of endearing, really. A few (dozen) chicken nuggets? Yup. A McDonald's cheeseburger? Mmm-hmm. That one time I ate Hot Cheetos with chopsticks? Oh, yeah (though, in her defense, that might've been because I was eating them with chopsticks).
Don't get even me (her) started about my drinking of Red Bulls.
And with the rise of the organic/local/non-GMO/free-range/sustainably-farmed-and-fished dining movement, I'm sure lots of people like me are getting perfectly well-meaning semi-lectures from people like LP.
Well, this is for the me-types. Say it with me: It's perfectly okay to like "bad" food. You don't have to feel guilty. Bad food is perfectly, absolutely fine.
Yes, I've heard the arguments against bad food, and you know what? I agree with most of them. McDonalds is horrible for me! If I drink too much taurine, I probably will die early! The industrial farming complex? One of the worst things you could tacitly support!
And yes, there are plenty of not-so-horrible alternative options. Every time I make a Del Taco run, I could just head over to the kebab place down the street. But you know what? Sometimes I just want a goddamn cheeseburger without any wait or fuss. Not every meal needs to be a perfect little pocket of artisanal ingredients and techniques. Really, I'm going to be eating the food at my desk anyway, so it's kind of sad to get something nice and not even pay attention to 80 percent of the meal.
And then there's the nostalgia. Some of my earliest good food memories are bad-food-related. My dad used to bring home prison chicken nuggets to cook for me (thanks, Santa Clara Department of Corrections). He used to get excited over the 89-cent hamburgers and 99-cent cheeseburgers at McD's. In elementary school, I used to eat crushed bag ramen dry. In high school? I ate a bag of Hot Cheetos a day. As good as an alternative meal could be, ain't nothing going to beat those memories.
Sometimes, and you LP-types might have to deal with this, bad food is just good. It's the visceral mix of corporately timed and portioned oil, fat, salt and whatever crack cocaine that's sprinkled in there. Life is short, and there's no point completely withholding something from yourself to live longer if it's something you love. I'm not saying eat it every day (don't eat it every day), but everything in moderation, y'know?
Animal fries? Horrible for you, but amazing. McDoubles? Yeah, they're cheap, and they look kind of dumpy, but people like 'em, and you know what? That's okay.
Yeah, it's a lot of "bad" food, but it's good, so go ahead and like it -- just don't kill yourself.