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We Eat It So You Don't Have To: Taco Bell's Breakfast Waffle Taco

waffle_taco_lead.jpg
Photo by Charles Lam
Yup.

Surprise: It's mediocre.

For a month, all I've been hearing is waffle taco this and waffle taco that. It's been a little ridiculous -- especially when you realize we live in Orange County, where Bruxie has been shoving eggs, cheese, and bacon inside a folded waffle for years now.

But still, as much as I tried to ignore the buzz, I did have a kind of morbid curiosity. The waffle taco did, after all, remind me of those rushed elementary school-provided breakfasts I had in the 90s. Up in San Jose, we had about three choices: cereal and milk with a piece of fruit, a pastry and milk with some fruit, or -- on special occasions -- eggs, breakfast meat, and miniature pancakes or waffles.. with milk and a piece of fruit.

The cool kids (or the kids whose parents got them late to school) would pile their pancakes or waffles with eggs and meat before drowning the entire thing in syrup. I'm pretty sure we invented waffle tacos first, but that's besides the point.

Let's get to why the waffle taco is mediocre.

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Photo by Charles Lam
Not the most graceful thing

First off, the waffle taco is not mediocre because it's fast food. I love fast food. You shouldn't discount something because it comes out of a fast food kitchen, and you shouldn't feel badly about liking something from a fast food restaurant (one day, I will expand upon this).

But while there are plenty of ways to do fast food breakfast correctly -- I'm looking at you Sausage and Egg McMuffin -- there are also plenty of ways to do it horribly, and the waffle taco hits all of those negatives.

One, and this is a big one, it just doesn't taste good. If there's one thing that fast food should be, it's that it should be addictive, but the waffle taco is not. The waffle is bland, without a hint of sweetness or even flavor. The scrambled eggs are the worst overcooked eggs I've ever had from a fast food restaurant. They looked more like malformed surimi than any kind of eggs I've ever eaten. You could get better eggs from a school cafeteria. The sausage is.. off. It's just off, I don't know if it's the spice mix, but the sausage just smelled and tasted not like American breakfast sausage.

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Photo by Charles Lam
Doesn't particularly taste amazing either

On the plus side, the waffle taco does get infinitely better when you mask all of the bland, greasy horribleness with the included faux syrup. With a touch of sweetness, the sausage ends up tasting like it should, the eggs re-hydrate the tiniest bit, and the waffle actually tastes like, well, a waffle. If you for some reason insist on eating a breakfast waffle taco, I implore you, pretend you're in elementary school again and smother that thing in syrup. It'll be better, I swear. But, unfortunately, smothering everything in syrup makes the worst part of the waffle taco even worse.


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