We Eat It So You Don't Have To: McDonald's Pumpkin Pie

Categories: Chain Reactions

IMG_1265-1.jpg
Photo by Charles Lam
I mean, it doesn't look horrible...

The world went stupid crazy about pumpkin spice this year. The first leaf hadn't yet fallen from a tree (bear with me, I was in Seattle at the time), and Starbuck's had already made a giant deal about the yearly debut of its pumpkin spice latte. They weren't alone, every chain from Tully's to Peet's and Coffee Bean made a big deal about the return of their pumpkin and cinnamon-flavored edibles, and I was honestly kind of sick of it.

Then came McDonald's, with their own pumpkin spice latte (zzz) and their limited-time-only pumpkin pie. I like McDonald's pies, more so when they were fried instead of baked, but I still think they're pretty good, and pumpkin pie should be easy so nothing could go wrong, right?

Wrong. I was so very wrong.

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Photo by Charles Lam
Welp, never mind. That looks pretty horrible.

The McDonald's Pumpkin Pie is bad. Not just it-came-from-a-fast-food-place-so-it's-bad bad (remember, I think McDonald's Apple Pies are alright), but legitimately bad. If you're getting one of these looking for a semi-competent pumpkin pie experience, you're going to be disappointed.

These are the basics: This "pastry" is effectively pumpkin pie filling wrapped with McDonald's pie crust. It's not fancy, and you shouldn't it expect it to be. It's not even packaged in its own box, rather McDonald's puts them in generic "Baked Pie" boxes that say they're "bursting with flavor" and "baked with love."

Now, exactly what kind of flavor these pies are bursting with I'm not sure, but it sure as hell ain't pumpkin. The pies barely taste like anything distinct, forgoing America's favorite seasonal gourd for a plain, generic sweetness that's unassuming, unoffending, but also unappealing.

The texture is even worse. While the apple pies have texture contrast from the apple chunks to keep them interesting, the pumpkin pies are just sad. There's no other word for it; you bite into a pie and all you're going to get is some firmness from the crust (it would be better if it were fried, but that's a subject for another post) and then just boring, monotonous sameness. There's no texture; the filling is just pureed stuff. And it's not even fun to chew. If the pie tasted of pumpkin instead of general not-actually-a-flavor sweetness (with a hint of cinnamon), then maybe the act of chewing would be rewarding, but at this point you might as well just swallow the entire thing whole.

Tl;dr: Don't eat it.

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27 comments
gastronitrous
gastronitrous

I wonder if the author has even ever had traditional American  pumpkin pie. It is supposed to be pureed. 

gastronitrous
gastronitrous

I wonder if the author has ever had traditonal American  pumpkin pie. It is supposed to be pureed.

TwilightSparkle
TwilightSparkle

"There's no texture; the filling is just pureed stuff."

Uh, that is how pumpkin pie is made. Have you not had them before?

samunfiltered
samunfiltered

On reading other stupid articles by the moron, Here is what I surmise. Charles Lam: "Hi I hate white people! If its a white food or culture, I will make fun of it. If its Asian, I will JUST LOVE IT!!!"

obbopp
obbopp

But it is so convenient for the waddling lard-laden behemoths infesting the Ozark Plateau to gulp down a bag full of their 3,000 calorie snack between lunch and dinner and not even take the 5 minutes it requires them to mount their powered scooter to enter the inside counter by using the morbidly obese person's best friend, the drive-through.


Taste is of little importance for those appeasing that overwhelming desire to engorge themselves with empty calories.


Besides, the ever-stretching skin provide ever-more space for those tattoos the hillbillys hereabout slave over.

FishWithoutBicycle
FishWithoutBicycle

If you want something "corporate" that's pretty good why not try the pumpkin scone at Starbucks? :-)

LIlleB
LIlleB

I tried it and ate it all, so it couldn't have been that bad!

Azncookie Chau
Azncookie Chau

It's not as good as the ones I grew up to eat. If you want to know which one that was then go to Popeyes they still have them yummy fried Apple pies.

Charlene Carlson Estrada
Charlene Carlson Estrada

Pretty disgusting. Even the 4 year old pushed hers away and said "uh, this is um, not really good."

FishWithoutBicycle
FishWithoutBicycle

@Chef B Carter  

I think a lot of people thought that when the McRib came out, too...talk about an extra helping of ewww! ;-)

samunfiltered
samunfiltered

@obbopp I'll bet you just hate white people, watch BET and have dreadlocks even tho you are a bearded white guilt laden libtard.

CharlesLam
CharlesLam

@Nicole Cruz Navarro Aw, you won't :(? (Fixed!)

obbopp
obbopp

@Julie Ann Scott   Not that bad?  Even worse?

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