VIDEO: OC Weekly Catches Man Stealing Whiskey From Desks of Reporters!

Categories: Really?!?!?

whiskey_bandit.jpg
Caught in the act!
About a year ago, I wrote about a mysterious bourbon pirate who was going around our office and stealing swigs of Kentucky hooch from our private stashes. Bastard polished off a bottle of Elmer T. Lee, went through half a jug of Woodford Reserve, and even broke into the cheap-ass Jim Beam. And while everyone in the office wanted to blame our janitors for the theft, I gave them a pass. Mexicans, as everyone knows, don't care for bourbon--they like Buchanan's, mezcal, cerveza and tequila, and while we don't stock bukanas, we have a shitload of tequila--and none of those bottles were ever disturbed.

The bourbon pirate stopped, and that was that. Flash-forward to late last month, when a whiskey bandit began disturbing our offices. They broke into our production manager's Jameson, my Cabin Still, and--worst of all--finished a whole bottle of Signatory Vintage 21-year-old Island single-malt scotch, a bottle that costs about $75.

This time, we were prepared: we had a nanny cam installed looking straight at a bottle of Jameson's. And the results were shocking. ROLL THE TAPE!

Turned out it was someone from the janitorial staff after all! FUCK!

While I guess I should be happy that our janitors have refined their alcoholic tastes, the pendejo was also stealing from our bottles, none of which were open (our rule in the office is that you don't drink from unopened bottles--and you ask for a shot from the owner of the opened ones). I don't have a problem with him drinking on the job--hell, I'm drunk right now. But going through our tippling treasures without our permission is a no-no, so we had the fool fired from cleaning our office--fuck ethnic solidarity, KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OUR WHISKEY. I'm not naming the company he works for, though, because they were immediately apologetic, transferred out the crew he was with, and vowed to reimburse us for our missing whiskey--now THAT'S taking responsibility for an error.

Let this be a warning to any future whiskey bandits or bourbon pirates who skulk around our offices: VENGEANCE WILL BE OURS.

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40 comments
tongue_twister_for_t
tongue_twister_for_t topcommenter


GustavoArellano moderator

When you gonna say yer hired even after I submitted my resume, never hear back from anyone?

1000Steps
1000Steps

Scotch was stolen and it wasn't a gringo? Gustavo must be beside himself.

PincheKaboom
PincheKaboom

Stealing the corn likker Americans are too lazy to steal. 

James Stutsman
James Stutsman

One could set up a 'sting' of sorts....fill the bottle with______ lol (^^^)

Michael Moon
Michael Moon

man, when you mess with a man's booze...

MoonBurn
MoonBurn

Gus, Can I take up an overnight cleaning gig?

steevmoreno
steevmoreno

This is why we have an "all bottles open to drink" policy at Black Flys... Making sunglasses is thirsty work!

JGlanton
JGlanton topcommenter

He was classy enough to use a glass.  I'll bet if he asked nicely if he could taste some of your fiiiine whiskey, staffers would have been happy to share.

Gringo Bandito Hot Sauce
Gringo Bandito Hot Sauce

We here at Gringo Bandito do not condone the theft of any kind of sauce. That's some good cop work yous guys did there :o)

silencerppoker
silencerppoker

Hey, at least he dumped the trash before shootin' the hooch.  It happens the other way around, in this office.

brilynch1283
brilynch1283

Back then it really was Danny. I caught him in my coke stash...

Samuel Baker
Samuel Baker

Eh, I would steel your booze too if I had to clean up after you slobs for minimum wage.

Otis Denim
Otis Denim

Having New Times as a boss makes one become a wino (or bourbon-o) .

Donna Clifton
Donna Clifton

On top of thieving bourbon, he didn't wash the glass he used. Bad janitor.

SickSnail
SickSnail

At least he had the decency to pour it into a glass.

Robert Blevins
Robert Blevins

At least he didnt replace the booze with water like I did to my parents stash.

Jose.Fonseca
Jose.Fonseca

So the Janitorial position is open now? Where do I apply?


bryan.herbert
bryan.herbert

Note to self: Apply for photographer position at OC Weekly (put alcohol disguised as lens cleaning solution back in camera bag)

Chuck Westerlink
Chuck Westerlink

jeez, now I know why some of the stories being reported on suck so bad, they're all drunk!..... haha!... ;p

Delicia McFarland
Delicia McFarland

Bourbon stealing is soooooo cause for firing. Hands off the bourbon!!

etrayers
etrayers

And to think, everyone blamed Danny!

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