Taco Bell's Doritos Loco Taco Can Work if Anyone But Taco Bell Makes It

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Is the sun setting on Taco Bell?

I've currently been haunting Taco Bells for...something...so of course I had to try the much-heralded Doritos Loco taco that has stoners and regular folks slobbering like the people in that episode of The Boondocks when Grampa opened up The Itis. I was actually looking forward to this taco, not because I'm a fan of Taco Bell (I'm not) but because I'm a huge Doritos fan, especially the nacho cheese-flavored one. No joke: I've been eating those (drowned in Tapatío, por supuesto) since I was a kiddie, and will gorge on them whenever possible.

A Doritos taco shell? AWESOME. But a Doritos taco shell housing a Taco Bell taco? Disappointment.

Main problem? Taco Bell's "beef" gets in the way of the Doritos flavor: salty, with grease in place of actual cow juices. Maybe the Bell's core audience long ago became inured to this reality, but Taco Bell's beef is horrifically salty, the kind of salty that makes you want to drink from a faucet and which the Irvine-based giant devilishly employees to make people buy huge sodas. It's so salty, in fact, that the beef flavor gets in the way of the Doritos shell--I could barely discern the Doritos shell after the salt assault.

Don't believe me? I tried a Doritos Loco taco deluxe or whatever the hell it's called when it costs extra because it comes with sour cream. This one was marginally better: still that saltiness, still that grease juice, but the sour cream mitigated those flavors, meaning the Doritos shell shone a bit more--but not much.

Which leads to the following dilemma: under expert hands, the Doritos Loco taco can work wonderfully. Give a Mexican mom a shell, some freshly chopped picadillo, and crema fresca, and you have a wonderful taco. But in the hands of Taco Bell? FAIL. Problem is, they have the rights to this Doritos shell, so we're stuck with a company that currently seems to have no impetus to improve its beef quality, which makes the Doritos Loco taco the biggest tease since that Jehovah's Witness chick back in high school...

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