Five Valentine's Day Food Gifts That Probably Won't Get You Laid

Categories: Five Great...
Uncommon Goods
​Guys, if your gal is the type who's into Valentine's Day, have you gotten her anything yet? (Pssst, it's tomorrow.) I can't tell you what gifts will guarantee you'll get some lovin' (though you can't go wrong with a tiara). I can, however, offer you five food-related gifts that don't exactly scream romance, unless she has a twisted sense of humor, which in that case, go you!   

1. Chocolate-Dipped Fruit Shaped Like Beetle Larvae 
Unless, of course, she's a entomologist. About US$3 at Japan company Komatuya.  

2. Bacon Lube 

Okay, maaaaybe this is an awesome Valentine's gift. I really can't decide. $11.99 at J&D's.

3. Brief Jerky 
​​There's something about the ingredient list to these DIY meat panties that makes me squirm. Not sure if it's the hot sauce, chili flakes or liquid smoke. Owwwww. Tutorial at Via Foodbeast.

4. A Vodka Bottle Programmed To Say, "Let's Drink and Have Sex!"  

​You gotta be more subtle, man. $39.95 at Medea Vodka. (You can program LED messages up to 225 characters.) 

5. A Chocolate Scale 
Uncommon Goods
​NO THANK YOU. $95 (but thankfully discontinued) at Uncommon Goods

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