Recipe of the Week: 'God Hates Figs' Tart

Categories: Cooking!
Dave Lieberman

The poor members of the Westboro Baptist Church and their pointless "God hates fags" signs! If only their blinkered interpretation of God had allowed them to have a little more education, they might have been able to read the message I Am That I Am sent them: He actually hates figs. . . .

Which is all the reason I need to make a tart featuring the sweet fruits. They're not in season right now, but this recipe works just as well with dried figs as with fresh. If your figs are truly bone-dry, soak them for five minutes in hot water. If they've got some give, you can skip that step. Make sure you buy the best chèvre and honey you can; mine came from Soledad Goats and Backyard Bees, respectively.


1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 tsp. fine salt (kosher salt will be too big)
1 stick cold, unsalted butter, cut into small cubes
Water, vodka, apple juice or other liquid, very cold

1. Mix the flour and salt in a large bowl.
2. Put the cubed butter in and massage with your fingertips until the flour looks more sandy than powdery.
3. Add the cold liquid, a little bit at a time, until the dough holds together.
4. Gather the dough into a roughly diskoid shape, then wrap in plastic film and refrigerate while you get the rest of the ingredients recipe.


1 recipe pie dough (see above)
2 Tbsp. unsalted butter, melted
6 oz. fresh, soft goat cheese (chèvre)
12 dried Mission figs, hard stems cut off and halved
1/4 cup good honey

1. Preheat the oven to 350ºF.
2. Roll the pie dough out to the thickness of two stacked quarters.
3. Transfer the dough to parchment paper (or just a greased sheet pan).
4. Roll the edges over and press down so it looks like a bad pizza.
5. Brush the entire crust, edges and all, with melted butter.
6. Crumble the goat cheese evenly around the crust.
7. Set the figs, cut side up, where there's no goat cheese.
8. Drizzle the honey over the tart, avoiding the crust.
9. Bake the tart for 35 to 45 minutes, until the outer crust is golden and the cheese has melted.

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Westboro Baptist Church spreads its hate through picketing inour streets, provoking attacks, with abusive language and flag desecration,attempting to create a confrontation. This is not a church, this is a hategroup.  This is not about protesting,freedom, or God. They are in it for the money and the press; this is a familylaw firm. They are not a "church." It is a scam. They go afteranything that can get them in the news. This is a family of lawyers using this“god hates you” thing to make money. It is time for this scam and the hate toend.

Thechurch has received money from lawsuits and legal fees. For example, they suedthe city of Topeka several times in the 1990s. WBC received $16,500, and ispursuing another $100,000, in legal fees for a case won in court. The WBC isconsidered a nonprofit organization by the federal government, and is thereforeexempt from paying taxes!

Phelps-Roperof the Westboro Baptist Church is shownadmitting on camera that her oldest son was born out of wedlock. HypocriticalPhelps-Roper's vocal condemnation on strangers having sexual congress outsideof marriage while she herself was guilty of the same. They are NOT what theysay they are!!


Pedantically, it was Jesus, not God, that withered the fig tree, Mark 11, v12:20.  Pastor Phelps uses a strict interpretation of the Bible (which I disagree with) but, who knows, maybe he's got it right. BTW, I hate figs. 


I don't give a "flying fig" what the Bible says....but I did enjoy fig bars as a kid. :-D

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