Soda Jerks (Emphasis on the Jerk): The Next Cupcake/Donuts/Pie?

sodafountainflickrmarkcrawley.jpg
Flickr user Mark Crawley

Looks like we now know what's the next food trend hipsters out here will bring back from the dead or, conversely, hijack from the lower classes: sodas! It's no longer enough to merely stock regional brands ala Mello Yello and Cheerwine: now, you have to concoct your own seltzer water, create your own syrups, blah blah blah. And be insufferably cool while you're doing it.

The New York Times always does these precious food trend pieces, but the one that appeared yesterday on New York's new soda jerk trend was especially grating--not because of the author, who did a great job describing the flavors of a just-prepared egg cream, a rickey, and other carbonated beverages, but because of the people behind them. Pictures that accompany the piece show young Brooklynites with oh-so-groomed disheveled mustaches stolen from the Pinkertons, turn-of-the-20th century uniforms, and 21st-century millennial sense of entitlement.

"When the older people come in here and start talking about the sodas they used to get, I almost want to say, 'I don't care about your memories,'" one pendejo told the Times. "Don't screw this up for these kids by putting it in the past. This is happening now."

Um, if you're so present-thinking, why are you returning to the handmade quality of the past?

Please, naranjero businessmen who will undoubtedly copy this in 2013 (since East Coast trends take a couple of years to reach our shores): don't do like those guys. Better yet, go make us some Vimto...

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