Accused Penis Chopper Likely Poisoned Husband With Tofu

Categories: Really?!?!?
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By now, you've probably heard about Catherine Kieu Becker, the Garden Grove woman who stands accused of cutting off her husband's pecker and tossing it in the garbage disposal. 
(Guys, go ahead and cross your legs in mental agony--we'll wait.)  

Now, new details reveal the infamous possible penis detacher's likely poison of choice: Tainted tofu. 

The Los Angeles Times reports: 

The victim said Kieu prepared tofu for dinner. "The victim remembers the food tasting 'metallic.'"

Kieu asked the victim if he wanted seconds and he said no. After dinner, the man felt tired and went to bed about 9 p.m. He awoke to find Kieu tying his right wrist, and pulling off his clothes.

He alleges she grabbed his penis and "with one swift motion, she severed it."

 Official lab results await.

And this is where we'd insert some tasteless tofu-inspired humor, but we'll just let Gawker commenters do that work for us.    

"Ugh. This story is soy awful."

"This wasn't just the result of a a tempeh tantrum."

"Seitan made her do it!"

"Coq al vin seemed too suspicious a last meal."

"If the night's going to end meat-free, it might as well begin that way."

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One of the nice things about tofu is that it has no flavor on it's own.  It takes seasonings well, like soy sauce, oyster sauce, rat poison, anti-freeze, etc.


one wonders if we'd see such cutesy headline had the genital mutilation victim been a woman. 


Nothing worse than a guy hurt about a penis headline...


Oh elserracho, that's ridiculous. Women don't have ~parts~

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