Writing Drunk on Four Loko
|We went with the purple can.|
No one on our staff is stupid enough to waste their time on such a drink--I do believe we're a bourbon staff--and Dave, Shuji, and Edwin have day jobs, so the dope was me!
My reactions to the drink after the jump!
I couldn't pound it like, say, a Manhattan, because I'm not a beer drinker--has something to do with the fact my dad fed me beer when I was a baby, you know? But I was able to finish it in four chugs, a fact easily verified by the rest of the Weeklings that saw me. This particular flavor isn't bad--"a wild Brazilian berry, Uva"--it reminds me of the grape soda sold at Costco, with only a slight alcoholic aftertaste and not much of the caffeine. If I was thirsty, and it was a hot day, and there was a Four Loko in front of me, I would drink it.
Do I feel a caffeine buzz? No, but then again, I'm a hyper person by nature. I don't understand why kids would want a simultaneous upper and downer, but then again, I don't drink caffeine, either. Maybe I'm the wrong person for this experiment? Or...(cue Oscar Bluth) am I?
I end this post with two pieces of wisdom. The first, attributed to Mark Twain: "Write drunk, edit sober," a truism I take to heart. The second, from that psycho in Top Chef: Just Desserts, and addressed to those of you who can't handle Four Loko: WEAK SAUCE.
Where We Found Four Loko: 7-Eleven!
Serving Size: 1 can (23.5 oz)
Amount per serving
Calories from Fat: 0
Total Fat: 0 g
Total Carbohydrate: 65 gDietary Fiber: 0 gProtein: < 1 g
Sugars: 60 g
Other Carbs: 0 g
P.S. I went through this and had a serious conversation about...something with Michelle, and I was as lucid as I went on with her. HA!
P.P.S. Okay, I'm starting to cough up the morning's breakfast salsa. NOT GOOD.
P.P.P.S. Now I'm tired.