Live Crabs From a Vending Machine!
Yes, America is the greatest country in the world. But you know where the Chinese are handing our asses to us? No, not reading, writing and arithmetic. Not manufacturing or job creation. Well yes, but no.
Vending machines! Ones that sell live crabs in our train stations so busy commuters can scurry home with dinner that scurries too. And until we catch up with the Chinese on this, our greatest nation will always have an asterisk next to its name, like a certain fallen Major League home run king.
...Oh, wait--we have a lobster vending machine? Even three in Orange County? God bless America!