Curtains For Pepe: How To Murder a Peep in 10 Ways
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By far the most dramatic method, this involved dropping Pepe into a pot of boiling hot water. Pepe floated around on top, screaming (Peeping?) for help, but after just a minute had turned into a pile of bubbles floating atop a sea of yellowish liquid. 1:05
How exactly do you waterboard a Peep, given that they float? You borrow a child's Little People ambulance set's toy stretcher and attach the Peep with a rubber band. Then you set it on a board, bind a towel across its face, and turn on the sink. Dick Cheney was right: this thing sang like a canary, which helped us foil an avian terror plot targeting the Perdue factory in Arkansas. It also did not kill Pepe. Failure.
The most well-known Peep destruction method; Peeps in the microwave blow up to four or five times their size under the watchful eye of the magnetron. Sadly, I used a plate that was not microwave safe, so Pepe extracted his revenge by fusing utterly to the plate. 1:49
The glory of Microwave Elephantitis Peep happens more slowly in the oven at 400°F. It's still the same dramatic expansion, still the same liquefication of the internal marshmallorgans, still the same delicious result, but slower. 2:00, plus 10:00 for preheat
This required advanced technology, in the form of one of those little mini-choppers. While it did not exactly make mincemeat out of the Peep, it did eventually render it unrecognizable; because it stuck to the blade, what came out was a very sticky, mottled yellow and white ball of ex-Peep. 0:20
I inserted a kids' straw and started to inflate the Peep. It worked really well for about three seconds, and then I blew a hole in Pepe's side. This rendered any further attempts unproductive, so I skewered him with the straw. Failure.