*Moved up, 'cause I hear people are reading this and talking. Did you know that if you Google "Lola Gaspar," this is the first post that shows up? Another strike against Lola--if ustedes had a website, this phenomenon probably would've never happened...

**Moved up YET AGAIN because people still keep leaving comments. So far, most commented post in Stick a Fork in It's young history...

***Originally published Dec. 15, 2008

I've been to many a restaurant opening in my day, and--even when allowing for opening-day jitters--one can usually tell the worth of a place in those first few days of service. The good ones inevitably prove to become classics--Old Vine Cafe, Onotria, and Veggie Grill come quickly to mind. Even if there were a couple of slip-ups here and there, something redeemed each place and its peers. Bad restaurants, on the other hand, tend to stay bad restaurants no matter how many tweaks the owners attempt after opening night. If you can't get something right the first time, it's telling of fundamental problems in the operations.

And this latter scenario, gentle readers, is where Lola Gaspar firmly sits in today.

I truly had high hopes for this downtown SanTana place, being that the guys behind Habana at the LAB in Costa Mesa were in charge of the menu. I guess the first warning sign of what was to come happened with the delays in the opening date. A voice message claimed Lola was to open December 5, seven days a week, from 10:30 a.m. until two in the morn. But the debut wouldn't happen until the 13th, a full week later. No es bueno.

It happens. But when milady and I stopped in last night, our waitress promptly informed us that not all the items on the menu were available. Uh, Lola people? Do not open a restaurant--even if it's a soft opening--if you're not ready to deliver. Restaurant Opening 101.

You can click here for pictures of the menu, which veers between Nuevo Latino platters and Mexican dishes. And this is where Lola Gaspar failed--badly.
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Hint to restaurants: you'll get in my better graces if you offer great, non-alcoholic drinks. Beverages rank high on my palate, and I'll never forget the banana soda offered by a long-gone Honduran restaurant. Here, then, were my favorite drinks of the year.

1. Maker's Mark, neat, at Memphis at the Santora. Yes, you can get Maker's near everywhere, since the cool kids want to play hillbilly nowadays (but do they know the joys of getting blotto in high school on Jim Beam while cranking "Rocky Top" by the Osborne Brothers, followed by Hank Williams? Don't ask). But Memphis' bartenders remain top-notch, the danger for random hectoring is always amusingly high, and the cast of regulars is fast approaching Cheers level. Memphis at the Santora. 201 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 564-1064; www.memphiscafe.com.

2. Rosewater at Cafe Matinee. This Lake Forest Lebanese treasure actually sells two other drinks--date and mulberry juice--you probably won't find anywhere else in the county. But it's their rose water that is the best revelation, something so luxuriant you'll want to pour on someone and get, um, romantic. 23532 El Toro Rd., Ste. 15, Lake Forest, (949) 588-7511.

3. Mint tea at Kareem's Restaurant. I did this review years ago, and the quality of the food has never suffered. The falafels are still the best in Orange County, the owners still kind. End all meals with the mint tea--you'll never use sugar again. 1208 S. Brookhurst St., Anaheim, (714) 778-6829.

4. Whatever the hell green or red syrup a lot of Thai restaurants sell. You know what I'm talking about--a Christmas-red or -green drink usually called "red syrup" or "green syrup" or--in the mysterious case of Wheel of Life in Irvine--"blue boy." Is it native to Thailand? An Americanized take? Nothing more than syrup? Whatever it is, it's liquid crack. At most any Thai restaurant in Orange County.

5. Free water virtually at every restaurant. Better be grateful for what we have now, amigos!

Thus ends my blogging here for 2008. Gracias, thank you, gracias, to the loyal readers I can think off the top of my head (Melissa, hungrymomma & poppa, Cesar, Wonginator, DiamonDog, DanGarion, Ben Dayhoe), to the rest of you, and to all the commentators. Tune in on Monday, Jan. 5, for more great restaurants, crappy openings, scandals, and a lot of other desmadre. In the meanwhile, "Rocky Top"!

After seeing Gustavo's two wonderful lists, I've decided that I want to play, too!

Bullet points for these:

1. Sangak bread at Wholesome Choice in Irvine. 18040 Culver Dr., Irvine, (949) 551-4111; www.wholesomechoice.com.

2. The chorizo taco at Carnitas Los Reyes. 273 S. Tustin St., Orange, (714) 744-9337.

3. Avanti Cafe's International Tuesdays, where you can feast on a three-course meal for about $11. 259 E. 17th St., Costa Mesa, (949) 548-2224.

4. The birria at...well, you'll have to read This Hole-in-the-Wall life tomorrow to find out!

5. The fried-chicken sandwich at Memphis at the Santora. 201 N. Broadway, Santa Ana, (714) 564-1064; www.memphiscafe.com

So I was eating my 99-cent IKEA breakfast the other day, when I noticed a placard on the table.  It said "Did you know that IKEA caters?".

"No," I answered.  "No, I didn't know that."

Though I've got nothing against IKEA food, I've always thought of it as a means to an end.  For IKEA, it's a device to bring in furniture shoppers; for the shoppers, it's a convenient and cheap source of sustenance before shopping.

Don't get me wrong:  I love their breakfast.  I go there specifically to have it, and often, I leave without buying anything more.  Though I admit:  sometimes, I indulge in a frozen yogurt cone that they sell downstairs (at the same place the 50-cent hot dogs roll on weiner treadmills).

But again -- for its intent and purpose, IKEA food is seems a little incongruous for say, your New Years Eve bash.  What do you think?  Would you ask IKEA to cater your party?

Though I can tell you that if I ever find myself at an IKEA catered event, I'm going straight for the Daim Torte -- seriously -- one of the best dessert things I've ever had.

Hmm, maybe IKEA should open a bakery instead.

I tend to stay away from lists 'cause they're so easy to spit out, but guess what? With crazy deadlines this week, a cover story to turn in ASAP, and the fact that most of ustedes are probably too drunk to get up and read, you get lists for the next three days from me! Here's the first one: my top five hole-in-the-wall restaurants I reviewed this year:

1. Las Brisas de Apatzingan: Yeah, it's in a seedy part of SanTana, and the restaurant can sometimes get dirtier than what's acceptable even for dives, but few other places specialize in the cuisine of the Mexican state of Michoacán--and no one can deny the power of their green pozole, a bowl I described thusly:

Their green pozole stew comes in a large bowl and features a broth the color of AstroTurf. On the side is a plate of cabbage, diced onions, pumpkin seeds, some chicharron pieces, an avocado slice, a cotija cheese-stuffed jalapeño and two potato taquitos. Dump the cabbage, onions, chicharron, avocado and pumpkin seeds in the steaming pozole to make the cauldron cool. Eat the jalapeño (don't worry, there's so much sweet, unmelted cheese crammed into the swollen pepper that it wrestles the heat into a tasty truce) and dunk the taquitos into the pozole. Finish the sides, and start ladling the pozole into your mouth.

1524 S. Flower St., Santa Ana, (714) 545-5584.

2. Bangkok Taste: Thai Nakorn might get all the buzz, but I keep returning to this SanTana treasure because of the funny owner and a dessert of roti covered in frosting. Have yet to meet a bad item on their substantial menu, and I haven't even tried their famed green mussel omelette yet. 2737 N. Grand Ave., Santa Ana, (714) 532-2216. More >>

Remember Crepes de Paris? They used to be at the Irvine Spectrum a few years ago. Then they migrated to Brea's Irvine Spectrum low-rent equivalent, Birch Street Promenade (they have two other outlets elsewhere).

Now they're back in town. And of course, the site of the resurrection is at Diamond Jamboree, which wouldn't be the first time the plaza has taken in an Irvine cast-off.

The last one was BCD Tofu House, if you recall.

When it opens, Crepes de Paris, will be between 85 Degree C Bakery and Capital Seafood.

According to the L.A. Times, China's Guangzhou, formerly known as Canton, is currently the scene of protest and outrage among the Chinese over the use of cats as food.