Navel Gazing

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The 100-Foot Penis Rule

Tan Nguyen strolled across the parking lot of the Santiago Community College District headquarters while wiping his brow. It was about 3:30 in the afternoon, and Nguyen was asking anyone entering the polling booth located inside to vote for him.

Tan-trumNguyen approached everyone who passed with a smile, including a small boy. "You don't look like a voter," Nguyen said to the boy. "Hopefully, you'll vote, too."

"I can't vote," the boy replied. "I'm only eight."

To Nguyen's side was a friend from San Diego, who said he hadn't seen police raid a campaign office like they did with Nguyen "since when the blacks wanted to vote" during the 1960s.

A car suddenly zooms past Nguyen. Democratic Party of Orange County chair Frank Barbaro emerges with his executive director, Mike Levin. They storm toward Nguyen, stone-faced.

"We got a report saying you're electioneering closer than 100 feet to the voting booth," Barbaro told Nguyen. "That's illegal."

"I know the rules," Nguyen shot back. "I'm trying to stay 100 feet away. If you tell me 100 feet is here [pointing at one spot], I'll stand there. If you tell me it's another [he points farther away], I'll stand there.

"I think the Registrar of Voters is supposed to determine what's 100 feet away, not the Democratic Party," Nguyen tells an onlooker. "Barbaro just wants to be on TV." Indeed, KABC-TV Channel 7 cameras catch the exchange.

Levin gets on the phone and makes some call. Barbaro tells me the district attorney's office and Registrar of Voters is on its way. Meanwhile, Nguyen's friend makes another observation.

"Measurements are so subjective," he says. "You know when you talk about your thing [referring to one's penis] and you exaggerate, but when you actually measure it, it's something else. That's what's happening here. Measurements are subjective."

Comments (12)

  1. Alex Brant-Zawadzki says:

    "Tan Nguyen: Telling It How It Is (depending on who you ask)"

  2. Publius says:

    If only the police would have raided the offices of candidates who tried to suppress African-American voters in the 1960s we might have a stronger democracy today.

  3. demmother says:

    I heard a voter berated Tan for sending that infamous letter telling Tan how is is.

  4. Chris Prevatt says:

    Why does't anyone have a tape measure when you need it?

    I have a picture of the Tan Stand Off courtesy of Susan Freeze over on TheLiberalOC.com

  5. Joe Public says:

    Wow!
    Is this guy for real? Does he real think hovering over people will real help his cause? I think it might have worked in back in elementary school, I guess he does what has worked for him as an adult. He real should have step aside as he was asked by the party (he must think he is bigger than the party), but instead he will continue to disgrace himself, his family, the Vietnamese community, the GOP and Orange County. This guy was always way over his head; a) He never was a serious contender, b) He sent out a letter that he did not comprehend (on letterhead that was not his by a couple who happen to be his friend and staff member), c) He first denies his campaign sent the letter, d) He accuses and fires his staff member for the letter, e) He does an about face and tries to re-hire his staff member, f) He has a tissy fit and blames the whole thing on his opponent, which brings me to his campaign theme which is "I Blame other for my shortcomings, I do not take full responsibility for my mistakes and do not show grace under pressure". Well, he will learn an important lesson today that "Joe Public" not he will "Tells It Like It Is". How appropriate!

  6. G. Jones says:

    Best. Headline. Ever.

  7. Larry C Ford says:

    Anyone who thinks distance is "subjective"
    needs to go back to kindergarten. Not
    suitable for making decisions.

  8. Jon Reeves says:

    Larry "Idiot" Ford,
    Distance is subjective when you don't have a tape measurer. Why don't you go back to pre-school?

  9. Frijoles says:

    Larry you dumb-ass,
    The guy was obviously trying to push Barbaro's button.(It probably worked too). You shouldn't have taken him literally. Barbaro, isn't that the horse that was put down? lol

  10. Frijoles says:

    Joe "Pubic",
    You posted the exact same thing word for word over at the other site. What's the matter? Reach the limit of your vocabulary? :)

  11. Dr. Evil says:

    Boy, if that isn't turning the old stereotype about Asian men on it's head.

    Another piece of brilliant work, Gustavo.

  12. Orange County Weekly - The Blotter » Another Nguyen, Another Problem says:

    [...] Even if Nguyen can't follow Nguyen's example by insinuating that Nguyen is really responsible for the phony photo of Nguyen, let's hope that Trung learns from the other memorable achievement of Tran's campaign, and sticks to the 100-foot penis rule.   [...]

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