It's been a long time since we surfed the online classifieds for your entertainment. We shan't deprive you any longer.

Love in all the wrong places:

"Let me spoil u/ Young black and sexy." See photo. Scratch head. As for the spoiling, check out his ride.

"Ecstasy with a senior citizen." Errr...will send this one to mum.

Let's hate humanity together: "I hate people. I am a 28 year old single people-hater..."

HOT LATINO LOOKING NICE GIRL: "you can faund me on movarak@yahoo.com."

"Ugly face sitter wanted." Well, since you asked so nicely...

"Big Breasts are my DESTINY!!! <- a true believer, that one.

Local Freebies: Bamboo. Fish. Hair dressing for men. Bus seats.

Oddities (or, more like. . . scarily normal entries) from our friends at backpage and Craig's.

$50 an hour, no nudity: Just have muscular calves.

Daddy seeks "daughter" : He's convinced he's not creepy -
"I don't sneak around and peek, and I don't hang out in parks smelling the seats on the swings after the kids go home..."

$6K to travel: Wonder what they're not saying...

Free rent at a mansion: Three guesses as to what he wants in exchange.

Free dirt: Come and get it.

Freaks, geeks and weird postings, ahoy . . . okay, cross out the geeks.

He exists: The one man in the world seeking a Paula Abdul-alike (Left).

"No, i'm NOT the lead singer from Nickelback . . . " Um, no kidding.

Free TV: "No picture, only sound" in Huntington Beach.

Lights, camera: Anger.

Give people a soapbox: And they will stand on it.

Cheap date: Gets a quick response.

Gifts from the OC classifieds:

Free Brazilian wax, anyone? There's always a catch for this sort of $50 freebie. Answer this ad, and you'll get it done live at an education conference before a waxing class.

Put out: For free rent at one guy's Santa Ana home.

Lost a surfboard? If you dropped it on the 405, this dude may be your man.

Paint your parts: "Young, handsome artist seeks female model for masterpiece! Actually it's all experimental. i want to draw or paint female body parts but i also want to paint pictures on those parts . . . "

What a deal: $250 for one stud, $400 for two.

Urp: "Where can I find a good old fashioned Mexican sperm burper in Orange County? I don't even care about their legal status. Just has to be able to burp sperm on command."

I get everything on Craigslist. My digital SLR, drag-queen house mate and 49-year-old boyfriend. My sister's Koreatown apartment. A stint editing this Russian chick's e-book. And then there was that graveyard-shift cop-beat job with City News Service.

The OC online classifieds are a weirdo haunt, and we'll brave the waters a couple of times a week so you don't have to.

Today's finds:

Dom in a wheelchair: "I have experience with spanking, flogging, gags, canes, crops, bondage, butt plugs . . . Cerebral palsy cannot be transmitted. I like to do things that I can do by myself. It is just a few things that I need help with. You will help me when I need help . . . "