​UPDATE, AUG. 8, 8:38 A.M.: Game, set and match, The Partnership?

Steve Rocco lost his bid for retrial of his ketchup theft conviction Friday when Judge Jacki Brown refused the ex-Orange Unified School Board trustee's request for court-appointed counsel and, thus, a continuation of the nonsense.

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​Joking with a county official earlier today, the notion "that's why you make the big bucks" was thrown out.

"Not so much," replied the bureaucrat, now serious. "We just found out they are extending our 5 percent pay cuts."

"They" would be the Orange County Board of Supervisors, which in adopting a $5.5 billion 2010-2011 fiscal budget extended through mid-December a resolution that keeps those 5 percent manager salary reductions in play.

It's enough to almost feel sorry for them.
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​Fresh off his endorsement from the hard-right California Republican Assembly meeting in Buena Park over the weekend, GOP gubernatorial nomination seeker Steve Poizner will further solidify his credential cred by announcing today that he's been endorsed by Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-The Stone Age).

Guess those ads implying The Poiz is an Al Gore/Nancy Pelosi/Big Gubment lover are not working for Republican establishment candidate Meg Whitman--at least among CRA voters.
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​Steve Rocco, the former Orange Unified School District trustee with a penchant for wearing dark sunglasses and black beanies to board meetings where he ranted and raved about conspiracy theories involving Kodak film, smoked sausages and supermarkets, is back in business.

What business, you ask? Making a joke out of OC politics? Giving political scientist and election expert Fred Smoller a heart attack? Stealing half-empty, unrefrigerated bottles of ketchup from the Chapman University cafeteria? No, the correct answer is he's running for Public Administrator of Orange County--the person who decides what to do with people who die and have assets that aren't claimed by family members.
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A sheriff's helicopter was chugging over Cleveland National Forest, about 15 miles off Ortega Highway, three years and one month ago when the pilot spotted a vast marijuana field. Deputies on the ground later confirmed--and cut down--about 1,000 young plants that had been thriving thanks to an elaborate irrigation system. You'd imagine the men and women in  uniform hoisted a few of their favorite legal consumables that night to celebrate a job well done.

But with cannabis legalization efforts picking up steam--hell, even the old coots who still refer to it as "pot" (as does a certain gray Weekly blogger) say they want it--the Marijuana Policy Project (MPP) charges today that outdoor eradication efforts are "costly" and "futile."

"Law enforcement officers point to a 2,000 percent increase in plants seized in the past decade and hold that as a sign of success," says Aaron Smith, MPP's California policy director. "But these efforts have had no effect on the widespread prevalence of marijuana in our society. Just like the days of alcohol prohibition, we have ceded control of a popular product to criminals--making them rich in the process."

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Rocco reads.

The Partnership scored yet another victory today when Judge Jacki Brown of the Quentin Tarantino Justice Center sentenced former Orange school trustee Steve Rocco to two years of probation for his September 2008 theft of a non-refrigerated, half-empty bottle of ketchup at a Chapman University cafeteria. The spectacular arrest was Rocco's second run-in with the Partnership--the cabal made up of Albertsons, Kodak Corp. and Smokecraft Sausage that secretly controls Orange County government. The first was in 1980 when he was arrested for shoplifting several rolls of Kodak film and a sausage at a Santa Ana Albertsons supermarket.

The harsh sentence--which will prevent Rocco from picking up his favorite periodical, the campus newspaper The Panther, marks the end of Rocco's epically stupid trial for petty theft which began in April. In that trial, Rocco issued subpoenas to dozens of alleged witnesses to the event, including this writer, and submitted a rambling, typewritten brief that, among other things, asserted he was recycling the bottle, hypothesized that unrefrigerated ketchup is worthless and stipulated he has never used any condiments whatsoever.

As was revealed during the trial, Rocco was on campus that day trying to meet with Fred Smoller, a political science professor who produced a documentary critical of Rocco. Rocco subpoenaed Smoller to testify on his behalf, but he never called him to the stand. After a jury convicted Rocco of the theft, Rocco and his mysterious sidekick Evan Harris held a press conference to announce that Smoller had stashed two bottles of ketchup in his mailbox and, more ominously, Harris had overheard Smoller arranging to assassinate Rocco during a meeting with Chapman University president Jim Doti at the very cafeteria where Rocco allegedly purloined the ketchup bottle.

Earlier this month, Rocco sought to convince a judge to issue a restraining order against Smoller, who yet again had to take a break from his teaching to defend himself against his nemesis. "It was insane," Smoller recalls. "Evan Harris....took the stand and said he overheard Jim Doti and me plotting to kill Rocco while eating lunch at Argyros Forum. He also said I keep calling Rocco's  house, even though the phone number is unlisted, emailing Rocco, though he has no email, and visiting his home."

After Smoller explained that he hasn't eaten lunch with Doti in 27 years, the judge refused to grant the restraining order. However, as Smoller points out, all Rocco has to do is file another request for a restraining order and the whole process will start again, although perhaps the fact that Rocco has now been restrained from visiting Smoller on campus may diminish the likelihood of that happening. But then that would mean that logic had somehow infiltrated itself into this ridiculous saga. I, for one, am willing to bet that this particular Rocco Horror Picture Show won't be winding down anytime soon.
 

Photo by Christopher Victorio

Steve Rocco gets ready to face the music.

After a three-day trial, a jury today convicted former Orange School trustee Steve Rocco of stealing a half-empty bottle of Heinz ketchup from a Chapman University cafeteria last September. Their harsh verdict brought a momentous, if perhaps tragic or comical end to a gloriously stupid trial newsworthy only for its sheer craziness.

A few highlights, in no particular order:

*During voire dire, public defender Erica Gambale asked prospective jurors whether they'd be distracted by the strange, napkin-sized bandage on Rocco's head. Several jurors raised their hands. Later, during prosecutor Lynda Fernandez' cross-examination of Rocco, she repeatedly asked him if he'd "be comfortable" telling the jury why he has a bandage on his head. "No, I wouldn't," Rocco replied. Fernandez also made Rocco stammer with visible nervousness when she asked him to say when he'd been a substitute teacher. (Rocco won his 2004 election to the Orange school board by claiming to be a substitute teacher) He couldn't remember where or when he'd taught. "It was a long time ago," he finally said. More >>

I arrived at Department C-51, the courtroom of Judge Jacki Brown--is it me, or doesn't that sound like the title of a great movie sequel?--just after 9 AM to find the courtroom nearly empty. Besides the bailiff, clerk, court reporter, and Rocco himself, who was still wearing the mysterious bandage on his scalp he had on two weeks ago and still festooned with his famous clip-on sunglasses flipped up for indoor usage, there was just some elderly guy in a tennis outfit reading the OC Register and LA Times reporter Tony Barboza.

Finally, twenty minutes or so later, prosecutor Lynda Fernandez and Rocco's brand new public defender Erica Gambale walked in, followed by Register reporter Rachanee Srisavasdi.  Fernandez told us that the actual jury trial won't start until Monday morning, when 60 jurors and 40 backup jurors will be ready to carry out their vital public service by pondering over the fate of ex-Orange school board trustee Rocco, better known--especially to loyal fans of the Rocco Loco files--as anti-supermarket conspiracy crusader, attempted assassination evader and alleged ketchup kleptomaniac.

Fernandez showed us a list of witnesses she planned to call to the stand early next week to prove that Rocco stole a half-empty bottle of ketchup valued at $1.20 from a Chapman University cafeteria last September. They include Chapman security officers Josie Wright and Jonathan Pashke, as well as Eduardo Correa, a cafeteria employee. When Fernandez explained that one of those witnesses saw the "theft," Rocco--who describes himself as "America's premier legal technician--corrected her. "Alleged theft," he said.

"What about the other two names on this list," Srisavasdi asked, pointing at two names at the bottom of the page that Fernandez hadn't mentioned.

"Oh, they're witnesses I'm not planning to call to testify," Fernandez explained.

One of the names looked familiar to me: Mark McCain. He is a major figure in Rocco's  so-called "Partnership" conspiracy theory, namely that Albertsons supermarket, Smokecraft Sausage and Kodak Film Corp. secretly control Orange County government. Rocco first unveiled that conspiracy when he was arrested at an Albertsons supermarket in 1980, while allegedly attempting to shoplift a sausage and several rolls of film. McCain, as it turns out, was the Albertsons manager who called the cops. He was also the son of the supermarket chain's CEO.

I say was, because McCain died several  years ago--Rocco's defense brief in the ketchup arrest includes McCain's death certificate, which shows he died of a drug overdose--proof, to Rocco at least, that Albertsons is actually just a cover for a drug cartel.


"What's Mark McCain doing on your witness list?" I asked Fernandez, to Rocco's obvious delight. He chuckled sagely, stroking his chin.

"Oh, he witnessed a prior theft," she said.

"My understanding is he's deceased now," I  offered.

"Oh, that explains why we weren't able to track him down," Fernandez said.

Needless to say, none of this exchange made any sense to anyone in the room except Rocco and me. A few minutes later, the excitement ended when Judge Brown strode into the courtroom and after wishing everyone a good morning, ruled that because of previous media coverage of this case, and her hope to ensure a fair trial, she was rejecting requests by the Register and KTLA TV to bring cameras into the courtroom. You're welcome.

I have to agree with Judge Brown's ruling. We wouldn't want this case of utmost seriousness and non-ridiculous importance to degenerate into some kind of circus, would we?

The defendant showed up for court today in the same outfit he was wearing last Wednesday: green pants, loose black loafers, a big bandage on his head and sunglasses clipped to his eyeglasses that were flipped up for indoor use. It was day three of the strange case of the People vs. Steve Rocco, the ex-Orange Unified School District trustee, also known, to readers of the Weekly's Rocco Loco archive at least, as the brave battler of the "Partnership" conspiracy, that pesky cabal made up of Albertsons, Kodak Film, Smokecraft sausage--and everyone else who has ever pissed off Rocco--that secretly controls OC government.

Rocco was arrested Sept. 27 for allegedly stealing a half-empty bottle of ketchup valued at $1.20. Although Rocco claims he was "recycling" the bottle, which, being that it was in a non-refrigerated state, was actually "garbage," the District Attorney's office insists on trying him for petty theft, possibly motivated by Rocco's prior shoplifting arrest, namely a 1981 conviction for pilfering several rolls of Kodak Film and a sausage from an Albertsons supermarket in Santa Ana.

In this case, after issuing dozens of subpoenas to everyone from next-door neighbors to college professors and journalists, including me, who Rocco views as relevant to his case, although none were anywhere near the scene of the crime, Rocco saw each subpoena quashed, but did succeed in having the last judge taken off the case because of his nefarious ties to Chapman University.

His new judge, Jacki Brown, (no relation to the Quentin Tarantino movie), declared late Thursday afternoon that she doubted whether Rocco, who's been acting as his own attorney, is mentally competent to represent himself. She appointed public defender Michele Bell, (no relation to the Beatles song on the band's Rubber Soul album) to meet with Rocco and determine if he's nuts. Bell did so, and at just after 9:30 this morning, told Brown that Rocco was not a nutbar but that he still wanted to be his own lawyer.

So Judge Brown asked Rocco a a series of questions aimed at seeing if he knew just how crazy his decision to represent himself really was. Call it a Catch 22 Q & A, because If Rocco answered by saying he knew what he was doing was crazy, he'd be admitting he was nuts, and if he said he didn't think what he was doing was nuts, that'd be tantamount to confessing craziness as well. After Brown asked each question, Rocco simply answered "Yes" or "I understand" in a distinctly non-crazy tone of voice.

Suddenly, Brown discovered she was dealing with a man who once described himself (on the cover of his own book, no less) as "America's premier legal technician." Rocco interrupted Brown and told her that in his expert legal mind, all these questions about whether he was capable of realizing how "unwise" and "ill-advised" his decision to act as his own attorney was, meant that she had already made up her mind about the case, and therefore she needed to recuse herself. Unfortunately, Brown refused to grant Rocco's request, because he hadn't put it in writing or cited any legal framework for her disqualification.

Rocco scratched his head a few moments, then told Brown that he'd had a change of heart: if Public Defender Bell wanted to represent him, that'd be just fine after all. The fact that Bell is what we experts in the collection of facts for the reporting of news stories for public consumption commonly refer to as "cute" or a "pretty lawyer lady" may have played some role in Rocco's decision to keep her around. Or maybe Rocco's not really crazy after all and he realized that unlike him, Bell is a competent attorney and his best shot at beating the rap and defeating the Partnership's latest attempt to silence, discredit and assassinate him. Either way, Bell doesn't have the slightest idea what the hell to do with Rocco now that he's her client, so the judge agreed to delay his trial until next month, so Bell can wade through Rocco's elaborate defense strategy involving the Partnership's plot.

The biggest waste of resources in our county's courtroom history will continue on April 6.
Stay tuned, comedy fans and taxpayers!

The Orange County Superior Courthouse's courtroom C-47 had a standing room only crowd this morning, as the much anticipated case of the People versus Steve Rocco finally went before a judge. Rocco, in case you don't already know, is the former Orange Unified School district trustee who was arrested last September for allegedly stealing a bottle of ketchup from a Chapman University cafeteria. After refusing to plead guilty, Rocco now faces trial for petty theft of a condiment valued, according to trial paperwork, at $1.20.

To Rocco, the arrest was just the latest proof that he's been targeted for decades by a vast, all-powerful conspiracy called the "Partnership," which consists of corporate entities like Kodak Corp., Smokecraft Sausage, and Alberston's, and which secretly controls Orange County government. He first came across the insidious cabal in 1981, when Santa Ana police arrested him for shoplifting several rolls of Kodak Film and a Smokecraft sausage from an Albertsons supermarket.  After being elected to the school board in 2004 by voters apparently impressed with his lack of union affiliation and self-description as an "educator," Rocco refused to vote on anything to do with education and used his time during board meetings to accuse fellow board members of being part of the Partnership.

I was at the courtroom to both cover the trial and because Rocco sent me a subpoena, along with about 50 other people, including several next-door neighbors, former Orange County Sheriff Mike Carona, an unnamed representative of Heinz Company--part of Rocco's defense apparently involves his belief that unrefrigerated ketchup is actually "garbage."  I didn't see Carona there, nor the phantom Heinz employee, but I did talk to several other supposed witnesses, all of whom were nowhere near the scene of the crime. The witness who was closest to the cafeteria, Fred Smoller, a Chapman University political science professor who produced a documentary about an effort by parents to recall Rocco, actually played an unwitting role in Rocco's arrest. Rocco had stopped by the campus several times to harass Smoller, so he'd warned campus security to be on the lookout for a tall skinny guy with a funny hat and a bike.

After two hours of legal wrangling, while attorneys for the witnesses tried to have Rocco's subpoenas quashed, Smoller and everyone else was impatient to get back to their busy lives. "I'm going to have to cancel my classes today," he said, adding that he wished prosecutors hadn't pressed charges against Rocco. Paraphrasing Woody Allen in the film Bananas, Smoller concluded, "This case is a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty."

The rest of today's court session will likely be consumed by back and forth between Rocco, who is acting as his own attorney, and lawyers for the supposed witnesses, over whether any of them (us) will have to actually testify. Jury selection is scheduled for tomorrow morning, and the case could last from anywhere from two days to a week, depending on just how insane our justice system really is.

For previous coverage of Rocco and the Partnership, visit Navel Gazing's Rocco Loco archives here.