Steve Rocco, the perennial political candidate who previously served as a trustee of the Orange Unified School District, wants you to vote for him today in his race to unseat Janet Nguyen, the incumbent county supervisor from Orange County's first district. The beanie-and-sunglasses-wearing "retired educator," who unverifiably worked a day or two as a substitute camp counselor a few decades ago, wants you to vote for him so bad that he (or his ketchup-stealing doppelganger) ripped up a Nguyen campaign sign at about 8:30 Sunday morning at the intersection of Washington Ave. and Broadway St. in Santa Ana. More »

​It'll take more than a lifetime of failed election bids (not including one wildly successful, from a comedic point of view, tenure as a school trustee), and repeated arrests for shoplifting to stop Steve Rocco.

On March 8, one day after Janet Nguyen filed her own declaration of candidacy for a second term as Orange County's first-district supervisor, so did Rocco. Describing himself as a politically unaffiliated "retired educator," Rocco is so far the only candidate other than Nguyen herself to join the race.

Let the batshit-loco insanity begin!

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​UPDATE, AUG. 8, 8:38 A.M.: Game, set and match, The Partnership?

Steve Rocco lost his bid for retrial of his ketchup theft conviction Friday when Judge Jacki Brown refused the ex-Orange Unified School Board trustee's request for court-appointed counsel and, thus, a continuation of the nonsense.

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​Joking with a county official earlier today, the notion "that's why you make the big bucks" was thrown out.

"Not so much," replied the bureaucrat, now serious. "We just found out they are extending our 5 percent pay cuts."

"They" would be the Orange County Board of Supervisors, which in adopting a $5.5 billion 2010-2011 fiscal budget extended through mid-December a resolution that keeps those 5 percent manager salary reductions in play.

It's enough to almost feel sorry for them.

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​Fresh off his endorsement from the hard-right California Republican Assembly meeting in Buena Park over the weekend, GOP gubernatorial nomination seeker Steve Poizner will further solidify his credential cred by announcing today that he's been endorsed by Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-The Stone Age).

Guess those ads implying The Poiz is an Al Gore/Nancy Pelosi/Big Gubment lover are not working for Republican establishment candidate Meg Whitman--at least among CRA voters.

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​Steve Rocco, the former Orange Unified School District trustee with a penchant for wearing dark sunglasses and black beanies to board meetings where he ranted and raved about conspiracy theories involving Kodak film, smoked sausages and supermarkets, is back in business.

What business, you ask? Making a joke out of OC politics? Giving political scientist and election expert Fred Smoller a heart attack? Stealing half-empty, unrefrigerated bottles of ketchup from the Chapman University cafeteria? No, the correct answer is he's running for Public Administrator of Orange County--the person who decides what to do with people who die and have assets that aren't claimed by family members.

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A sheriff's helicopter was chugging over Cleveland National Forest, about 15 miles off Ortega Highway, three years and one month ago when the pilot spotted a vast marijuana field. Deputies on the ground later confirmed--and cut down--about 1,000 young plants that had been thriving thanks to an elaborate irrigation system. You'd imagine the men and women in  uniform hoisted a few of their favorite legal consumables that night to celebrate a job well done.

But with cannabis legalization efforts picking up steam--hell, even the old coots who still refer to it as "pot" (as does a certain gray Weekly blogger) say they want it--the Marijuana Policy Project (MPP) charges today that outdoor eradication efforts are "costly" and "futile."

"Law enforcement officers point to a 2,000 percent increase in plants seized in the past decade and hold that as a sign of success," says Aaron Smith, MPP's California policy director. "But these efforts have had no effect on the widespread prevalence of marijuana in our society. Just like the days of alcohol prohibition, we have ceded control of a popular product to criminals--making them rich in the process."

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Rocco reads.

The Partnership scored yet another victory today when Judge Jacki Brown of the Quentin Tarantino Justice Center sentenced former Orange school trustee Steve Rocco to two years of probation for his September 2008 theft of a non-refrigerated, half-empty bottle of ketchup at a Chapman University cafeteria. The spectacular arrest was Rocco's second run-in with the Partnership--the cabal made up of Albertsons, Kodak Corp. and Smokecraft Sausage that secretly controls Orange County government. The first was in 1980 when he was arrested for shoplifting several rolls of Kodak film and a sausage at a Santa Ana Albertsons supermarket.

The harsh sentence--which will prevent Rocco from picking up his favorite periodical, the campus newspaper The Panther, marks the end of Rocco's epically stupid trial for petty theft which began in April. In that trial, Rocco issued subpoenas to dozens of alleged witnesses to the event, including this writer, and submitted a rambling, typewritten brief that, among other things, asserted he was recycling the bottle, hypothesized that unrefrigerated ketchup is worthless and stipulated he has never used any condiments whatsoever.

As was revealed during the trial, Rocco was on campus that day trying to meet with Fred Smoller, a political science professor who produced a documentary critical of Rocco. Rocco subpoenaed Smoller to testify on his behalf, but he never called him to the stand. After a jury convicted Rocco of the theft, Rocco and his mysterious sidekick Evan Harris held a press conference to announce that Smoller had stashed two bottles of ketchup in his mailbox and, more ominously, Harris had overheard Smoller arranging to assassinate Rocco during a meeting with Chapman University president Jim Doti at the very cafeteria where Rocco allegedly purloined the ketchup bottle.

Earlier this month, Rocco sought to convince a judge to issue a restraining order against Smoller, who yet again had to take a break from his teaching to defend himself against his nemesis. "It was insane," Smoller recalls. "Evan Harris....took the stand and said he overheard Jim Doti and me plotting to kill Rocco while eating lunch at Argyros Forum. He also said I keep calling Rocco's  house, even though the phone number is unlisted, emailing Rocco, though he has no email, and visiting his home."

After Smoller explained that he hasn't eaten lunch with Doti in 27 years, the judge refused to grant the restraining order. However, as Smoller points out, all Rocco has to do is file another request for a restraining order and the whole process will start again, although perhaps the fact that Rocco has now been restrained from visiting Smoller on campus may diminish the likelihood of that happening. But then that would mean that logic had somehow infiltrated itself into this ridiculous saga. I, for one, am willing to bet that this particular Rocco Horror Picture Show won't be winding down anytime soon.
 

Photo by Christopher Victorio

Steve Rocco gets ready to face the music.

After a three-day trial, a jury today convicted former Orange School trustee Steve Rocco of stealing a half-empty bottle of Heinz ketchup from a Chapman University cafeteria last September. Their harsh verdict brought a momentous, if perhaps tragic or comical end to a gloriously stupid trial newsworthy only for its sheer craziness.

A few highlights, in no particular order:

*During voire dire, public defender Erica Gambale asked prospective jurors whether they'd be distracted by the strange, napkin-sized bandage on Rocco's head. Several jurors raised their hands. Later, during prosecutor Lynda Fernandez' cross-examination of Rocco, she repeatedly asked him if he'd "be comfortable" telling the jury why he has a bandage on his head. "No, I wouldn't," Rocco replied. Fernandez also made Rocco stammer with visible nervousness when she asked him to say when he'd been a substitute teacher. (Rocco won his 2004 election to the Orange school board by claiming to be a substitute teacher) He couldn't remember where or when he'd taught. "It was a long time ago," he finally said. More »

I arrived at Department C-51, the courtroom of Judge Jacki Brown--is it me, or doesn't that sound like the title of a great movie sequel?--just after 9 AM to find the courtroom nearly empty. Besides the bailiff, clerk, court reporter, and Rocco himself, who was still wearing the mysterious bandage on his scalp he had on two weeks ago and still festooned with his famous clip-on sunglasses flipped up for indoor usage, there was just some elderly guy in a tennis outfit reading the OC Register and LA Times reporter Tony Barboza.

Finally, twenty minutes or so later, prosecutor Lynda Fernandez and Rocco's brand new public defender Erica Gambale walked in, followed by Register reporter Rachanee Srisavasdi.  Fernandez told us that the actual jury trial won't start until Monday morning, when 60 jurors and 40 backup jurors will be ready to carry out their vital public service by pondering over the fate of ex-Orange school board trustee Rocco, better known--especially to loyal fans of the Rocco Loco files--as anti-supermarket conspiracy crusader, attempted assassination evader and alleged ketchup kleptomaniac.

Fernandez showed us a list of witnesses she planned to call to the stand early next week to prove that Rocco stole a half-empty bottle of ketchup valued at $1.20 from a Chapman University cafeteria last September. They include Chapman security officers Josie Wright and Jonathan Pashke, as well as Eduardo Correa, a cafeteria employee. When Fernandez explained that one of those witnesses saw the "theft," Rocco--who describes himself as "America's premier legal technician--corrected her. "Alleged theft," he said.

"What about the other two names on this list," Srisavasdi asked, pointing at two names at the bottom of the page that Fernandez hadn't mentioned.

"Oh, they're witnesses I'm not planning to call to testify," Fernandez explained.

One of the names looked familiar to me: Mark McCain. He is a major figure in Rocco's  so-called "Partnership" conspiracy theory, namely that Albertsons supermarket, Smokecraft Sausage and Kodak Film Corp. secretly control Orange County government. Rocco first unveiled that conspiracy when he was arrested at an Albertsons supermarket in 1980, while allegedly attempting to shoplift a sausage and several rolls of film. McCain, as it turns out, was the Albertsons manager who called the cops. He was also the son of the supermarket chain's CEO.

I say was, because McCain died several  years ago--Rocco's defense brief in the ketchup arrest includes McCain's death certificate, which shows he died of a drug overdose--proof, to Rocco at least, that Albertsons is actually just a cover for a drug cartel.


"What's Mark McCain doing on your witness list?" I asked Fernandez, to Rocco's obvious delight. He chuckled sagely, stroking his chin.

"Oh, he witnessed a prior theft," she said.

"My understanding is he's deceased now," I  offered.

"Oh, that explains why we weren't able to track him down," Fernandez said.

Needless to say, none of this exchange made any sense to anyone in the room except Rocco and me. A few minutes later, the excitement ended when Judge Brown strode into the courtroom and after wishing everyone a good morning, ruled that because of previous media coverage of this case, and her hope to ensure a fair trial, she was rejecting requests by the Register and KTLA TV to bring cameras into the courtroom. You're welcome.

I have to agree with Judge Brown's ruling. We wouldn't want this case of utmost seriousness and non-ridiculous importance to degenerate into some kind of circus, would we?