Orange County News Blog

Courtesy of U.S. Border and Customs Protection

Found it!

​You never know what will turn up in a container at the Long Beach port. Sure, the vast majority are filled with legal products bound for store shelves all across this great land. But every so often inspectors will find smuggled guns, drugs, humans . . .

. . . a Volkswagen Bus that was reported stolen in Washington more than 35 years ago.

Gerrie Schipske

Gerrie Schipske vaulted from the delivery room at Long Beach Naval Hospital in 1950 to a degree in history from UC Irvine in 1973 to successful careers as a registered nurse, attorney and teacher of women's studies, political science and public administration at Cal State Long Beach to her election to the Long Beach Community College Board of Trustees in 1992 to razor-thin losses as the Democratic nominee to Republican Assemblyman Steve Kuykendall in 1996 and Congressman Steve Horn in 2000 to an under-funded campaign against Dana Rohrabacher in 2002 to, finally, election to the Fifth District seat on the Long Beach City Council in 2006.

With her new book, Schipske is aims higher--much, much higher. 

Early Aviation in Long Beach (Arcadia Publishing, $21.99) is a pictorial history of manned air flight in the LBC. Sure, you know about Long Beach Airport, the old Douglas Aircraft plant and Howard Hughes' Spruce Goose winding up there. Schipske takes readers back further.

Hurricane Jimena caused quite a splash in Baja California last week.

Aquarium of the Pacific hosts a Baja Splash of its own this weekend.

The eighth annual, family friendly Baja Splash Cultural Festival, which helps celebrate National Hispanic Heritage Month and Mexican Independence Day, will be presented at the Long Beach attraction from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday, Sept. 12-13.

Continue reading " After Hurricane Jimena, It's Aquarium"...

The Unite HERE Local 11 union's call for a boycott of the Hilton Long Beach hotel has already paid dividends.

Maybe . . . in four years.

The United Church for Christ has announced it will honor the boycott and move an event to another hotel.

"If a labor dispute is in effect as we come closer to our event date, it is most likely that we would . . . be unable to use the Long Beach Hilton as a General Synod hotel," United Church for Christ representative Edith Guffey tells Los Angeles Business Journal.

Score one for Unite HERE Local 11?

Uh, not yet, Norma Rae.

The church event is not scheduled until 2013, according to Hilton officials.

A battle to unionize the at the the 397-room hotel has been going on for more than a year--with charges and counter charges. Unite HERE claims hotel management has harassed workers who showed interest in joining the union. The hotel counters that in pushing for card-check voting, the union is denying workers the right to a secret-ballot election.

It's too late to join Blue Ballerz, Panama Joes, New Kicks on the Block, the Real Kickballerz of the LBC or any World Adult Kickball Association (WAKA) team playing out of Long Beach this season, as competition has already begun.

But if you'd like to follow along and/or start the process of joining a team next season, visit CA Big Kahuna , which has all the details about the local-est adult kickball league around. This marks WAKA's 11th year.

Competitions are held weekends at Marina Vista Park, Colorado Street and East Santiago Avenue in Long Beach. Panama Joe's at 5100 East 2nd St., Long Beach, hosts post-game parties. Surely the fierce competitors would not mind if some kickball groupies darkened those corners alongside them.

EPA.gov

Miller's Childrens Hospital in Long Beach previously received federal brownfields cleanup funds.

​A proposed Long Beach job training resource has been awarded a chunk of nearly $2 billion in federal grant money aimed at cleaning up contaminated sites in California known as "brownfields," the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) announced.

Brownfields are sites where expansion, redevelopment, or reuse may be complicated by the presence or potential presence of a hazardous substance, pollutant, or contaminant. The EPA's Brownfields Program encourages redevelopment of America's estimated 450,000 abandoned and contaminated waste sites. Funds for the awards announced Wednesday come from the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009 signed by President Obama on Feb. 17.

The City of Long Beach/Pacific Gateway Workforce Investment Network is to receive $452,212 to help pay for the proposed Long Beach Bioneers Academy. The city plans to train 100 participants, graduate 70 students, and place 53 graduates in environmental jobs through the academy.

This the not the first time the EPA has sent funds to Long Beach for a brownfields project. The agency previously awarded $600,000 to Miller's Childrens Hospital, making it the first childrens hospital in the nation to receive a federal brownfields cleanup grant. The funds are helping the hospital to complete a $151 million expansion project onto formerly contaminated land. 

The full EPA release follows . . .

Sunset Beach: pretty clean

​

The Natural Resources Defense Council's annual survey of water quality and public notification at U.S. beaches contains plenty of bad news for anyone into wading into surf around the country without getting sick. Beach closings and advisories hit their fourth-highest level in the 19-year history of the report, closure/advisory days at the Great Lakes topped 20,000 for the fourth consecutive year and even in the relatively dry 2008 beach season found contamination from stormwater runoff contributing to two-thirds of the closing/advisory days nationally.

The hits kept coming in California as well, with 10 percent of water samples from Golden State beaches containing more human fecal bacteria than the state allows, and violations of daily maximum bacterial standards at 227 California beaches increasing 4 percent from 2007 to 2008, and Cali ranked among the worst in beach water quality nationwide, coming in 22nd out of 30 coastal states, according to the study.

Photo by Austin Roman Photography

George V. Deneff Gallery in Long Beach

 "3R Concepts--Reduce, Reuse, Recycle," an exhibition of works produced by individuals with disabilities, opens Thursday at George V. Deneff Gallery in Long Beach.

The exhibit was organized through Arts & Services for Disabled (ASD), a nonprofit that maintains four day programs for adults with intellectual disabilities and two galleries, the Deneff and the Artifact Gallery. Community-based workshops aimed at unlocking the artistic talents of those with disabilities are also offered in Orange and Los Angeles counties by ASD.

The newest exhibit features diverse works that drive home the importance of the three R's--not reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic but reducing, reusing and recycling. It opens with a reception from 6-8 p.m. at the gallery, 3962 Studebaker Road, Ste. 206, Long Beach. The exhibition continues through Oct. 1 by appointment between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. Mondays through Fridays.

For more information, visit artsandservices.org, phone exhibitions/gallery coordinator Sommer Sheffield at (562) 982-0247 or email exhibits@artsandservices.org.      

The surfin' congressman.

 

As Louis Sahagun blogged on the LA Times' L.A. Now, Long Beach has released the long-awaited results of a study aimed at reconfiguring the breakwater to create bigger waves, cleaner water and beaches, and more surf tourism. According to the study, the city could gain $52 million a year in local spending--and $7 million annually in taxes and fees.

The engineering firm Moffat & Nichol is scheduled to present details of the $100,000 report to the Long Beach City Council at 5 p.m. Monday. But the real audience may not be council members and residents but members of Congress and the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, who breakwater breakers hope to convince to push for reconfiguration.

That should particularly put Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Huntington Beach) in an awkward position.

On one hand, he's an avowed surfer, Long Beach's Surfrider chapter wants to break the breakwater and Rohrabacher's 46th Congressional District extends from Huntington Beach along the Long Beach coastline and on up to Palos Verdes.

On the other fin, Rohrabacher lives in Huntington Beach, owes much of his support to businesspeople there and, as the Weekly has previously reported, one fear about changing the breakwater is it could churn up decades worth of nasty stuff confined off the Long Beach shore and dump it on Surf City beaches. Indeed, the breakwater issue is what helped fracture what had been the Long Beach-Huntington Beach Surfrider chapter into two separate chapters.

Rohrabacher could find himself in the position of pissing off large chunks of voters whichever side he took. Not that that has ever stopped him before. Bless his heart. Debbie Cook, the former Huntington Beach mayor who championed breaking the breakwater while running against Rohrabacher in 2008, was handily defeated. So, perhaps the best strategy for Dana will be what's gotten him this far on the breakwater issue: just shut up and surf.

Mission San Juan Capistrano

Yeah yeah yeah, it's a Long Beach thing, but look where the Museum Express bus, which starts running June 2, goes this year: the Bowers Museum; California Science Center; Museum of Natural History; Getty Museum; Getty Villa; Griffith Park Observatory; Hollywood Museum; Huntington Library and Gardens; Descanso Gardens; Laguna Art Museum and Festival of the Arts; Los Angeles County Arboretum; Mission San Juan Capistrano; Los Angeles County Museum of Art; Norton Simon Museum; and Skirball Cultural Center.

A lot of those are in Orange County! The brochure for the bus isn't available at the moment for some reason (hey Long Beach, fix your links!), but it looks like rides cost $7 and you can register by mail ahead of time. Call the Long Beach Transit at 562-591-2301 for more info.

Hat tip to Seal Beach Daily for cluing us in.

Cal State Long Beach's Daily 49er student newspaper has a wicked piece about a little-known area within the art department that feeds the souls of young Picassos--if the fumes don't kill them first. It's a room of lockers that students do not stuff freshmen in but instead rent out for $1 a semester each and cover with bright, provocative and at times profane graffiti and drawings.

Writer Julio Salgado leads readers on a tour that includes stops at the "Alien Locker,"  CSULB Art Locker No. 285, which illustration major Paul Zappia gussied up with two strange, little baby aliens. The "Ryan Gosling Locker" (No. 655) is named in honor of the movie star allegedly having had sex against it, or at least that's what a scrawled message informs. The "Defenders of Wildlife Locker" (No. 407) is affixed with stickers from various animal-lover groups.

Salgado dutifully includes disclosures about how defacing university property is against the rules and the lockers' very presence has drawn taggers from off campus who would not know an enrollment form from a toilet tissue. And then there's College of the Arts chairman David A. Hadlock noting that paint fumes from such a confined area can create "a serious health hazard" for students and staff.

But that comes off like so much of the "Wah-wah wot wah-wah" you hear from Charlie Brown's teacher amid vivid descriptions of locker art that range from the crudely kindergarten to the borderline pornographic. Heck, it might even be a subtle recruiting tool.

"I think this room is a landmark in our school," Zappia tells Salgado. "I can say to anybody that doesn't come to this school that I'm an art student here and our locker room is so cool."

You'll be forgiven if you take a fleeting glance at the Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific's latest tourist-season promotion and feel deja vu all over again. After all, posters with teeth-blaring maneaters and a "Shark Summer" logo with an ominous fin replacing the "a" in shark do evoke memories of 2001's infamous "Summer of the Shark."

For those fortunate to have forgotten that sad chapter in the history of the American media, the Summer of the Shark parlayed a June 2001 bull shark attack that severed the arm of 8-year-old Jessie Arbogast into a full-scale panic for months afterward as every subsequent report of a shark attack, near-attack or sighting around the planet became equal to, well, the contraction of swine flu today. Shark attacks became the No. 1 story that summer, with Time magazine devoting a cover to it.

But, in actuality, shark attacks were down 15 percent from the previous year worldwide that summer, Americans were 250 times more likely to get killed by lightning and it was later revealed 47 attacks prior to Arbogast's that year had received little to no media attention.

Shark researchers complained about the negative coverage, and after the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks on the Pentagon and World Trade Center proved the media had been preoccupied by the wrong ominous threat, many others complained also. Michael Moore's film Bowling for Columbine included the Summer of the Shark in its roundup of ways Americans are kept scared shitless so they'll keep consuming.

So, yes, hearing about a near-local Shark Summer can put the smirk right back on your face. But wipe it off. That's not what the Aquarium's gig is all about. It only looks that way.

The Gay and Lesbian Center of Greater Long Beach  presents its first ever Changing Gears Long Beach Bike Ride Saturday, offering riders the choice of a 40-mile or 75-mile loop starting and ending at Shoreline Village and winding down the coast through Irvine.
 
The ride begins at 7 a.m. and registration is either a $65 fee or a minimum of $125 raised from donor. Go here for more details about donating.

Funds raised help fight HIV/AIDS through outreach, prevention programs and health education workshops.  

Ray Parker is schedule to be aboard the last fully restored B-24J Liberator in the world when it lands around 1:45 p.m. Friday at Long Beach Airport. That may not mean much to you, but it does to Parker and organizers of the Wings of Freedom Tour.

Nearly 60 years ago, Parker was working for the Los Angeles Herald when the teletype machines went crazy with the news that the Japanese had bombed Pearl Harbor. He enlisted in the Air Force the next day and became a navigator on a B-24 Liberator, his first mission being flown under the command of movie star-turned-pilot Jimmy Stewart. On Parker's 10th mission, his B-24 was shot down and he was captured by the Germans. During his last 14 months in Stalag Luft 1, he risked his life by secretly writing an underground newspaper that disseminated information and hope to the camp's 9,000 prisoners of war. Parker's flight Friday will be his first aboard a Liberator since his was shot down.

The nonprofit Collings Foundation's 110-city Wings of Freedom Tour, now in its 20th year, brings the rarely displayed WWII vintage Boeing B-17 Flying Fortress, Consolidated B-24 Liberator and North American P-51 Mustang to Long Beach Airport's Daugherty Field Friday through Tuesday. For a donation of $6 for children and $12 for adults, visitors get to explore the aircraft inside and out. Half-hour flights are also available, but they cost much more: $425 on either the B-17 or B-24 and $2,200 on the P-51 (or $3,200 for a full hour). Reservations are available by calling (800) 568-8924.

The planes will be displayed 2-5 p.m. Friday and 10 a.m.-5 p.m. the other days.

You may recall that Newport Beach developer Jeff Klein, whose company Save the Queen bought the lease for the city of Long Beach-owned Queen Mary in November 2007 after the previous operator went bankrupt, couldn't meet his financial obligations and had to let his principal investor, Garrison Investment Group, take over Save the Queen earlier this year.

Klein had plans for a hotel/retail/office/entertainment complex right next to the iconic, permanently docked vessel. Now another young Orange County businessman has come forward with grand plans to make the Queen seaworthy again.

Robert Sides III, president and CEO of Fountain Valley-based The Queen's Project, tells the Long Beach Press-Telegram he'd like his concern to purchase the ship, remove the jetty surrounding it, tow it to San Francisco, dry dock it there for 48 months, renovate it at a cost estimated between $950 million to $1.5 billion and then have it cruise the world from its Long Beach base. The Queen Project is an offshoot of Las Vegas entertainment company Cairngorm Entertainment Group.  

The 73-year-old Queen's hull is a nightmare, the stacks are too unstable to keep and it will require a new engine, new propellers and more than a million new rivets to make it ship-shape again, concedes Sides. But he remains optimistic despite the huge job, costs and recessionary times, telling the P-T's Paul Eakins by email, "Yes we are talking about a lot of money, but look in the future and look at what we will achieve. The reasoning why company after company has failed is because no-one has thought outside the box and no one has prepared for the undertaking the Queen Mary really is."

While contemplating whether what the Queen Mary really is--a bag of bolts? A tub of rust? A baby's arm holding an apple?--city officials are quick to note that Garrison controls the lease to operate the ship through 2061. The New York company has remained mum about its future.

Karen and Richard Carpenter visit the Nixon White House.

National Lampoon years popularized the slogan, "That's not funny, that's sick." Surely, the folks there would therefore see the humor in a novel that centers on a love story with the late Karen Carpenter.

Many readers will have to ask their parents who Carpenter is, but the quick answer is she was the singer and drummer with the hugely popular mild '70s pop duo The Carpenters, which was rounded out by her pianist brother Richard Carpenter. They are the namesake of the Richard and Karen Carpenter Center for the Performing Arts on the campus of Cal State Long Beach.

Two of their biggest songs were "Close to You" and "We've Only Just Begun." I don't know if those are the still the names of the apartment complexes on both sides of Fifth Street near Lakewood Avenue in Downey, but those were the names on the signs in front of them years after the Carpenters sold them. Karen attended Downey High School, and their parents' home was still there when the duo hit it big.

Karen died at the age of 32 in 1983 from heart failure, later attributed to complications related to anorexia nervosa, which was then a little known disease. In fact, she unwittingly became the poster child for the disease.

So now Leo Mark Bonaventura has penned Leave Yesterday Behind, which involves a Leon Adam Alba III dreaming nightly about "a breathtakingly beautiful dark-haired woman who is asking God for help with her demons." After countless hours trying to figure out who she is, Leon discovers it's none other than Karen Carpenter, and he must delve back in time to get to know the new love of his life.

And you thought "Close to You" and "We've Only Just Begun" were sappy. If this sounds like your idea of a fine summer read, go to Xlibris.com, which has Leave Yesterday Behind listed at $15.99 for trade paperback, $29.99 for hard bound.

Stephen Glauser / Flickr / Creative Commons

The Capistrano Insider posted last week an entertaining, slightly depressing exchange between Capistrano Dispatch editor Jonathan Volzke and a Long Beach husband and wife who were considering moving to San Juan Capistrano. That is, they were considering moving there until they came down to Camino Capistrano on the night of the Swallows Day parade and saw some awful stuff. Just awful. They sent the Dispatch an email to carp:

A federal grand jury in Los Angeles indicted an Upland IT contractor for allegedly sabotaging the offshore oil rig computer systems that he helped install for a Long Beach-based company. Mario Azar, 28, was charged Tuesday with a single count of unauthorized impairment of a protected computer, an allegation that could fetch him 10 years in the federal pen.

Azar was an information technology consultant under contract with Pacific Energy Resources, where he helped set up a computer system used to detect leaks and communicate between mainland offices and oil platforms at sea. He left the company in May 2008.

According to an FBI and Long Beach Police investigation that served as the basis for the indictment, Azar damaged the computer systems after he was declined permanent employment. The company temporarily lost use of its computer systems and had to pony up thousands of dollars for repairs to fix it, although the outage did not lead to any oil leaks or environmental harm, states the indictment.

Azar is scheduled to appear in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles on April 6.

Okay, Prop. 8, supporters, be honest: Would you rather attend a party thrown by gays or straights? If you answered the latter, well, then, you haven't been to a party thrown by gays, have you? Think of all the collected knowledge of Martha Stewart, the Queer Eye guys and Chelsea Handler funneled into a single event, and you get an idea of what kind of fab do you'd be in for. 

So, perhaps you should put away your hateful signs and come on out to Eve of Justice, which refers to the evening before the California Supreme Court hears oral arguments in San Francisco on the validity of Prop. 8, the initiative voters passed in November to maintain the outlaw on same-sex marriage. Everyone is welcome to gather from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. Wednesday at Fairview Community Church, 2525 Fairveiw Road, Costa Mesa. A vigil also begins at 6 p.m. in front of Long Beach City Hall on West Ocean Boulevard between Chestnut and Pacific avenues.

"That evening, we'll stand together and send a unified message to our fellow Californians, including the Supreme Court Justices, that individual liberties like the right to marry are guaranteed by the Constitution to everyone and cannot be stripped away at the ballot box by a bare majority," say Eve O. Justice. "Just as important, we will give our love and support to all the families headed by same-sex couples who are threatened by the recent electoral outcome, as well as same-sex couples whose hopes and dreams of marriage and family have been frustrated by enactment of Prop. 8."

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Huntington Beach), shown here possibly pointing to a dangerous object in the sky, is being commended by the no doubt august Institute for Human Continuity for his "Planet X forsight" and belief that Earth's preparedness for dealing with cosmic debris hurtling toward it is "key for the survival of the human race."

I'm bad at guesstimating numbers, but considering how last-minute this anti-Prop 8 march was, I'd say around 5,000 must have turned out.

The march began on the corner of Redondo and Broadway, and commenced down Broadway until it reached its final destination, Hamburger Mary's.

At least three helicopters hovered overhead at various times, I'm sure at least one of them was the LBPD.

Shouted slogans included:
"Equal Rights!"
"Shame On Hate!"
"Hell No, We Won't Go!" -- because some folks didn't like it too much when they were told to not march in the street and keep to the sidewalks.
"Whether You Like It Or Not!" -- playing off San Fran Mayor Gavin Newsome's unfortunate cameo appearance in one of the Yes on 8 TV ads.

Protest signs read:
CALIFORNIA YOU BETRAYED US
STOP THE HATE, REPEAL 8
WHEN DO I GET TO VOTE ON YOUR MARRIAGE?
STOP RELIGIOUS BIGOTS
MY GOD DOESN'T HATE, WHY DOES YOURS?
AMEND THE CONSTITUTION - BAN RELIGIOUS FREAKS
NO SPECIAL RIGHTS FOR HETEROS
HITLER HATED GAYS TOO
MARRIAGE IS A CIVIL RIGHT
WE SHALL OVERTURN
CALIFORNIA LOVESCHICKENS MORE THAN HUMANS

And my favorite:
NO MORE MR. NICE GAY

Now for some video -- sorry for the darkness, I don't have a camera light. First clip is the gathering on the corner of Broadway and Redondo, just before the march down Broadway began at 7 p.m. Second clip is of the march in progress on Broadway. Third clip is the arrival of the front of the march at Hamburger Mary's.

Is your activist streak feeling unloved after watching footage of yesterday's protests in LA against the passage of Proposition 8? Well, here's your chance to vent (peacefully, people, peacefully...).

Tonight (Friday), the Long Beach Gay & Lesbian Center is organizing a protest march down Broadway, starting at 7 p.m., and beginning on the corner of Broadway & Redondo. The march will head westward along Broadway, ending at Hamburger Mary's.

Then on Sunday, an OC march/rally is being planned in, of all places, Rancho Santa Margarita - y'know, that bastion of LGBTQ culture and nightlife (sorry, but my snark just had to get a word in there). The event starts at 5 p.m. at Rancho Santa Margarita Lake.

What I wanna know is, when will Prop 8 protest fever hit Stanton? (OK, sorry, sorry, couldn't help m'self...)

Yesterday was a perfect day in sunny, beautiful Long Beach to go swimming with the fishes at the Aquarium of the Pacific. Well, I didn’t go swimming personally, but I could have. Swimming in the shark tank is just one of the new attractions offered by the aquarium to celebrate its tenth anniversary all year long. It's kind of like Disney’s "Year of a Million Dreams," except it really will only last for one year.

Though the festivities officially begin today, I was lucky enough to preview the events a day early. And I have to say that the highlight of the preview is the aquarium’s new Animal Encounters tour—where normal, average people like you can go behind the scenes and get down and dirty with the animals. In a G-rated way, of course. For two hours you get to play animal trainer as you learn how to feed, play with, and care for some of the Aquarium’s residents.

The coolest encounter by far is the shark encounter, where you get to throw on a wet suit and jump in a tank with the sharks (and a trained handler). Scary but fun. For those of us who have seen Jaws enough times to know better, the otter and sea lion encounters are just as hands on without the added potential for becoming fish food.

As well as getting you up close and personal, the Aquarium is taking this year to educate patrons about the ten top challenges to the health of the Pacific and its inhabitants in the Ocean on the Edge gallery and lecture series. Focusing on ten diverse issues including climate change, biodiversity loss and overfishing, the Oceans on the Edge gallery will also have demonstrations throughout the year by visiting doctors and professors to lecture on the issues.

Along with the new Tenth Anniversary Tribute film projected around the giant whale in the main hall, the Aquarium is offering guests lots of new promotions to celebrate like prizes, including an overnight stay in the aquarium, $10 admission to anyone born on the tenth of the month, and summer Sunday $10 admission until 10 p.m.

Though it’s no Disneyland, the Aquarium of the Pacific offers a different kind of fun environment for the summer, and I can guarantee that the people at Disney would never let you climb into a tank with a real live Mickey Mouse. I think most people would agree that sharks are way cooler anyway.

View more photos from the aquarium here.

When I began my search for a roommate two months ago, I had no idea of the caliber of people I would find on Long Beach Craigslist. There was the young woman with four stinking cats, the Jesus freak, the bipolar lady with tattoos on her face, and Jereme James, the one-legged construction worker.

Faced with these options I chose to move in with Mr. James because the rent was cheap, the house was cute, I would get to keep all of my furniture and my dog would have a yard to play in.

The first sign of awkwardness between us occurred rather early. My dog has a habit of attacking inanimate objects that are pushed around the house. Mops, brooms, the vacuum, they're all fair game. It was when she started attacking Jereme's prosthetic leg that things began to feel uncomfortable. She backed off after a firm scolding from me; Jereme laughed it off like a good sport, but I could tell it was the beginning of the end.

Scientists in Long Beach made a breakthrough!

Apparently, the most recorded orgasms in one hour by researchers at the Center for Marital and Sexual Studies in Long Beach was 134 by one female and sixteen for a male.

How do you sign up to participate in that study? I'm just sayin'.

To read more fun sex facts click here.

Mississippi lawmakers have proposed a bill that would revoke the business license of any restaurant that serves food to fat people.

The statewide measure, House Bill 282, would prohibit eateries from serving food to "any person who is obese based on criteria prescribed by the state health department." If passed, the bill would allow the department to monitor compliance and have the power to revoke any violators' permits. None of which sits well with Irvine's Ayn Rand Institute, which sent out a press release expressing their shock over the matter.

"Proponents of the paternalistic nanny-state are intent on transforming obesity into a public health issue," said Thomas Bowden, an analyst at the institute. "Legitimate public health measures, such as quarantining persons with infectious diseases or outlawing disease-spreading cesspools, involve shielding innocent victims from physical force. But fat people do not emit physical forces that impede other people's freedom of action. Hence, government has no right to prevent or punish obesity."

In related news, the Long Beach Press Telegram reports that a man was held at gunpoint and robbed of $20 worth of carnitas tacos yesterday. No word on whether he was a fatty.

I had visions of hordes of Long Beach ocean-view apartment inhabitants spilling out onto the beach this past Saturday for the monthly (second Saturdays) half-hour "Clean Alamitos Beach" event. After all, if you run here, ride your bike here, walk your dog here, bring your kids here, stroll here, play volleyball here, make-out here, surely you'd take a little time to pick up a few of the million pieces of plastic or styrofoam that lurk visibly in every direction on this little beach.

I was met by a smaller but ardent group of regulars and newcomers.

Long Beach was voted a top city again. And no, this time its not because the city has the dirtiest water in the state, you cynical bastards. It's because Long Beach has the unhappiest women in the country! Hooray!

According to Self Magazine's December issue, which hits stands today, Los Angeles-Long Beach has the lowest score in the happiness category. Leaving resident females with a distinct sense of pride. After they take their Lexapro of course.

LB-LA landed the top spot after facing tough competition from the runner-up cities of Bakersfield, Gary, Ind., Stockton-Lodi and Riverside-San Bernardino. I always knew those ladies in the Stockton-Lodi area seemed a little too happy. What with their whistling while they work and all.

Dog lovers and cruel cackling people who like to dress their pets in degrading outfits and drag them around town gathered in Long Beach yesterday for the Haute Dogs 7th Annual Howl’oween Parade. Livingston Park and 2nd Street were overtaken by more than 600 costumed creatures and countless spectators, many armed with cameras to document the somewhat head-scratching spectacle.

The day’s events started at 11 a.m. with a dog adoption fair that also featured specialized dog clothing, dog treats, dog toys and even a bulldog kissing booth.

After hoisting a 60 lb pumpkin high up into one of Livingston’s Parks many trees, the anxious crowd waiting below started counting down to the pumpkin’s smashing demise. Justin Rudd, the Executive Director of the Haute Dogs organization (which is under the nonprofit Community Action Team) related the dropping of the pumpkin to the dropping of the ball on New Year’s Eve in New York City - symbolic of a new start (or a great waste...think of all the pie we could've made...).

On the October 16 episode of Comedy Central's The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, television news anchor and Emmy nominee Stephen Colbert announced that he was "officially considering" whether or not he would announce if he was considering running for President of the United States, and would make that announcement "on a more prestigious show." Fifteen minutes later Colbert announced his candidacy on his own show, The Colbert Report, saying he will run in the South Carolina primary as both a Democrat and a Republican.

The announcement came as good news for Long Beach-based auto journalist Micah Muzio who, in June 2006 started colbertocrat.com, a website which aims to rally the masses for a very important cause: convincing Stephen Colbert to run for president and spread his truthiness across the nation.

"I was thrilled," Muzio said of Colbert's announcement. "I did a jig for joy because a Colbert presidency is good for America."

Good for America or good for Muzio's pocketbook? Some may think its the latter due to Muzio and his little website's increased traffic since Colbert's announcement. Along with the significant rise in traffic came a "spectacular increase" in web ads. Leading to a profit of nearly $30 this past week!

Muzio denies that he and Colbert are working together in this money-making scheme claiming, "[Colbert] has to be aware of [colberocrat.com's] efforts because we are the number one site result for 'Colbert' and 'president' on Google." He claims that he and Colbert have never spoken.

"The thought behind the site is that [Colbert] embodies everything that would make a good president: superhuman patriotism," Muzio said. "I'd like to see him go all the way to the White House." Sure, that and another $30.