Orange County News Blog

New York Post Page 6 columnist Richard Johnson reports today that retired porn star Jenna Jameson is having “Huntington Beach Bad Boy” Tito Ortiz's love child.

Well, at least we think it's Tito's. Pity the fool who is the father if it is not.

By the by, our image of Ortiz was shot by former Weekly staffer Luke Y. Thompson, who covered the North American Mixed Martial Arts Association Expo back in December on this very site.

It's unclear whether the amazing LYT will be invited into the labor and delivery room to shoot family photos, which should be instant collector's items since they will mark the first time anyone has witnessed something coming out of Jenna's hoo-hoo as opposed to going in.

Footage from the U.S.S. Scottish festival at the OC fairgrounds this past Saturday.

As much as I've always loved superheroes, I've always felt there was something just a little off-putting about Marvel head honcho Stan Lee, the person. And it isn't a righteous indignation thing about not giving his collaborators their due credit; Stan has relented on that score in later years, and Jack Kirby's dead now.

No, there's just something about him that feels really cheeseball, from the way he tends to address audiences as "True Believers" and is prone to exclamations like "Excelsior!" Also, it's not hard to run into Stan Lee if you live in L.A., as I did for many years. The guy attends any and everything he's invited to.

That said, many of the characters he created are indeed classic. I'm not sure how much imagination it takes to create a hybrid of spider and man, but will definitely grant that the Incredible Hulk (comic-book version; not so much Ang Lee's movie) is the best modern take on the classic werewolf/Mr. Hyde mythos. And how many Westerners would be familiar with Norse mythology were it not for Lee devoting a comic book to Thor? (As a kid I never could stand all the "thee's" and "thou's", though)

And after spending an hour with Stan Lee yesterday, at a guest lecture at UC Irvine, I have to say that he's actually better in large doses. Equal parts arrogance and self-deprecation, he's like an enthusiastic grandpa who's dying to be asked about his wartime adventures, except that the wars are all ones he made up himself.

A few months back OC Weekly staffer Luke Y. Thompson went off to Texas to shoot a horror movie titled Wicked Lake.

That's right, folks! A real-life motion picture. And that picture is having a big Hollywood premiere this Saturday at the Egyptian Theater in Los Angeles at 11:59 p.m. Tickets are only $10 and can be purchased by clicking here. There will be a cast and crew Q & A afterwards.

But that's not all! Before they screen the flick, horror movie maniacs, Fangoria, will be having a panel discussion at the LA Convention Center featuring the ladies from the film, Marc Senter, and director Zach Passero at 6:30 p.m. Tickets for the Fangoria Convention are $20 and up and can be purchased by clicking here.

About two-thirds of the way through my writing of an upcoming review last night, the power suddenly went off. Then it came back on. Then off. On again, briefly. Then darkness.

I hadn't saved my work.

Suburban blackouts can be odd and frustrating. You see lights on on the other side of the street, but your own block is dead. Using my cell phone as a makeshift flashlight, I walked outside.

You know how 7-11 and Norm's say they never close? That's not entirely true. 7-11 still had lights, at least, but doors were locked. Inside Norm's, I could see people still eating in utter darkness.

Walking around the block to investigate, I was followed by a red pickup truck driving at walking-speed. I stopped suddenly. He (or she) continued to the end of the block, then made a U-turn coming back towards me. Stopped right next to me, but no window was rolled down, nothing. I walked away quickly and ducked into an alley.

There isn't much to do when all power is gone, except wonder at the silence in this usually loud neighborhood. Finally, wondering if anyone was ever going to do anything, I called the power company.

It turns out some dumbass drove a car into a telephone pole. Freakin' St. Paddy's Day. At 1:50 a.m. 7-11's doors were once again opened, so I bought some beer. I couldn't sleep, and had to wait up anyway to finish that review. With no other source of entertainment, drinking sounded like semi-fun.

The lights came back on midway through beer number two. Lord bless Microsoft for the document retrieval feature.

Since moving to Santa Ana from a much larger Hollywood apartment, my home life has been a constant battle against clutter and trash, a struggle I generally lose. I can't invite anyone over to visit due to the shame of my omnipresent pile o' crap.

But I feel a whole lot better about it after reading today's Register story that highlights a home in Villa Park:

Sixteen live cats, four dead, a 3-foot pile of feces in the middle of the living room and a urine-soaked floor...Officials found cat feces in the living room and debris inside the home, across the street from Villa Park Elementary School on Center Drive. The kitchen was reported to have no running water, and baths and toilets were semi-operational or not working at all.

Four dead cats were found inside the home – two behind a piano. Several of the cats found were also suffering from burns on their paws, believed to have been caused by the urine on the floor, Amormino said. Animal Control officers confiscated 14 cats, two kittens and found two cat skulls.

My crushed beer can "collection" suddenly doesn't seem so bad.

I'm used to getting comments on this blog that trend towards the negative (see the “What You Missed Over the Weekend” post below for a prime example), so it was a rare treat to receive the following message in my inbox:

“Read some of your reviews on the ocweekly blog, and thought since you go anywhere that offers free alcohol maybe you’d like to come to our art gallery opening on the 19th.”

Hot dawg! Now there's a reader who totally gets me. I haven't been to enough local art exhibits anyway – last one was that Art of Warcraft mini-show that kinda sucked. When your centerpiece is an action figure that can be bought in any comic store, you're hurtin', frankly. Might as well call my apartment a museum by that standard.

Free booze is good. Free booze within walking distance of my domicile is even better. I have long seen the lofts of Santa Ana from afar, but this time they were actually open, glassy garage-door-like fronts rolled up into the ceiling that the residents may better display framed photos, sculptures, and the like.

As much as I enjoy Star Trek, and always have, I can't say I was that enthused by the idea of “Star Trek: The Tour.” What could they show me that I haven't seen? Could it possibly top the Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas? Do I really want to pay top dollar to see a bunch of multicolored spandex uniforms?

But duty calls, and I'm certainly the most qualified person at this publication to volunteer for said duty – I had William Shatner's “Transformed Man” on import CD before it was re-released stateside, and I even acted and assistant-directed a movie with Walter “Mr. Chekov” Koenig (Mad Cowgirl, available on DVD everywhere). I'm not one of those guys who can explain the fictional physics behind a warp core breach, nor could I tell you what number a particular episode is where something happened. But I do know that you're supposed to do a shot every time Worf says “I am a Klingon!” on Next Gen.

Boldly going to the Queen Mary, I stood in line behind the world's worst queue – one of my pet peeves, and perhaps yours, is when a line is already moving really slowly, and the person at the front of the line decides to have a conversation with the cashier, rather than simply saying “One adult, one child,” and moving along.

(photo credit: Leonard Klady)

Saturday night, the Los Angeles Film Critics' Association (of which I'm pretty sure I'm the only member writing for an OC publication), held their annual awards ceremony, the first such event I've attended. I had heard horror stories about prior sartorial disasters, but I have to say that most of the critics "cleaned up" very well in formal wear, though I do think my pal Andy Klein looks better in just a plain shirt, rather than with a suit jacket on top.

Leonard Maltin did a fine job as host for the evening, and while I won't pick on anyone in particular, you can tell which critics are and are not used to being on TV. Not that this was televised -- it wasn't -- but you can tell by who looks uncomfortable on stage under the lights.

It's pretty well-known that I'll go almost anywhere I'm invited if there's free food and booze, but some invites make more sense than others. Movie premieres, I understand. Art gallery openings, sure. But a meeting held by a package tour company to pitch their getaways to local travel agents? I mean, I don't make near enough money to afford African safaris or whatnot, especially since some of them cost as much as my rent for the entire year. And I'm fairly sure that most of you who pick our free paper don't have that kind of change just lying around either.

But, y'know, free food and booze. Plus I haven't been to Dana Point since moving to OC in March.

Anyway, the host company is called Travcoa, founded in 1954 with a penchant for destinations “far flung and exotic,” and according to president Randy Durband, they were the first to take U.S. Tourists to Easter Island, Mongolia, and Papua New Guinea. So if you live in one of those places and can't stand the tourists, blame these guys. It's for the affluent – European package tours they offer can be in the neighborhood of 14 grand for two weeks.

Our sister publications LA Weekly and Village Voice just published their annual, massive film critics' poll for 2007, which includes 102 of the nation's critics, some of whom you know and some you don't, though all of the critics you regularly read in our paper are included. (My own page in the poll is HERE.)

Topping the list are the usual faves: THERE WILL BE BLOOD, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, etc. But further down the list you get to more eccentric choices -- NORBIT? Comedy is highly subjective, I suppose; I put HOT ROD on my list, after all. And I have to give mad props to whoever voted for "Meatwad" as Best Supporting Actor for his role in the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie (were there an award for best poster, that would have to take it too). SOUTHLAND TALES is loved and hated, but it's interesting to note that most of its strongest supporters don't actually live in the Southland.

The Worst list is where things get interesting. I hate when readers impugn motives without evidence, so I don't want to do it too much here, but it's notable that almost every highly acclaimed movie of '07 is on the Worst list somewhere. I understand visceral reactions to polemics like REDACTED (though I liked it) or even the "cranky critic" reaction against FX-heavy flicks like 300 and TRANSFORMERS. But when titles like JUNO and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN make the list, it feels like the choice is simply to spite one's peers, a reactive move prompted by them being chosen as #1 elsewhere -- I confess, I was tempted to vote for THERE WILL BE BLOOD just because I'm tired of it winning everything and being excessively compared to Welles and Kubrick (oh, how it wants to be them, but it ain't), but it has a lot of merits despite its flaws.

But really, there are things one can reasonably dislike about a movie like JUNO; but...worse than EPIC MOVIE? Worse than BRATZ? THE MESSENGERS? There may be an element here of critics with a certain degree of power choosing not to have seen those movies in the first place. Or the idea that such films aren't even worthy of bashing.

What do I know, though. I liked SHOOT 'EM UP.

Sometimes you get way more good quotes than you can use in a story, and such was the case with my year in horror piece in today's issue. Here in cyberspace, we have a lot more room, so enjoy these bonus interviews.

TOBIN BELL, star of the SAW movies

On the violence in this year's Oscar-contending movies
The envelope has been pushed, and they're including horror elements in mainstream films.

on his own reaction to gore in movies
I did watch some of HOSTEL 2, and I do mean some. I didn't make it to the end.

on his favorite recent horror movie
THE DESCENT -- what I liked about it was the fact that they developed characters and relationships for the first 40 minutes of the film. I thought they created real claustrophobia and real caring about the characters.

on his newfound fame as John "Jigsaw" Kramer
I understand now the difference between the average moviegoer and horror fans -- horror fans are very passionate. I think you can accomplish the same thing in horror that you can accomplish in any other genre, whatever it might be...you just have to be determined to write a very smart script

Sometimes you get way more good quotes than you can use in a story, and such was the case with my year in horror piece in today's issue. Here in cyberspace, we have a lot more room, so enjoy these bonus interviews.

ELI ROTH, director of HOSTEL PART II

On the need for familiarity
With HALLOWEEN and SAW, people know the killer, and they know what to expect...when people go see the HALLOWEEN movies they want to see Michael Myers kill, and when they go see the SAW movies they want to see what traps Jigsaw's come up with, and they work great. I think that in times of terror, people need to be terrified, the war's not ending and people are scared. Post Virginia-Tech, there was a glut of horror movies, and people were going for SHREK and PIRATES, they wanted that feel-good stuff, but then by august, the tide had turned around and people wanted to be scared again. People are still scared, and they need a place to scream, and horror movies provide that.

Sometimes you get way more good quotes than you can use in a story, and such was the case with my year in horror piece in today's issue. Here in cyberspace, we have a lot more room, so enjoy these bonus interviews.

LUCKY MCKEE, director of MAY and THE WOODS

on the year in horror
Honestly, I didn't watch a lot of horror films this year. The more I study classic cinema, the harder it is for me to show up to the movie theater. Turner Classic Movies is a blessing to any young cinephile...A channel where you can catch things like Carl Dreyer's film DAY OF WRATH at three o' clock in the morning...Now that's a chilling film.

I must say that the scariest stuff (in terms of new films) was encapsulated in Javier Bardem's performance in NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN. I think it's the best on screen villian since Bill the Butcher in GANGS OF NEW YORK. I actually thought Rob Zombie's HALLOWEEN was his best film to date. Each film he has made has been a huge leap from the previous film.

Back in October, I mentioned a conversation I had had with KDOC head honcho Bert Ellis, who wanted to get the word out to fans that a lot of the old Wally George archives were missing.

Well, some kind soul managed to get hold of the old 12" E.P. "Wal-ly, Wal-ly," on which Wally, ahem, "sings," and put recordings of it up on a Myspace page for all to hear. The anonymous benefactor claims he'll soon be adding tracks from Wally's full-length album, "Wally George Sings the Rock Hits."

Music lovers might want to cover their ears, but fans of pop-culture cheese have to check these out. It probably isn't too surprising that the "Wally Rap" isn't rap at all, just a cheesy faux-scratch track backing up Wally as he yells things like, "Today's heavy metal musicians are drug-crazed, devil-worshipping maniacs!" Ah, for the days when metal seemed like it could destroy civilization.

Wally actually sort-of raps on "Wally Wally," a brilliantly bad parody of "Louie Louie" with lyrics like "Now I'm the man/On your TV/Exposing the liberal/Con-spir-acy/Better dead than red/that's my lifelong cry/so I get 'em on the hotseat and watch them fry!"

Occupying a middle ground is "Say Wally," on which an interviewer asks him questions like , "Say Wally, what do you think about the gays?" ("I say God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!") or "Say Wally, what do you think of Walter Mondale?" ("Walter the wimp reminds me of the Goodyear blimp!").

The EP closes with "America Why I Love Her," in which the usually negative Wally finds something nice to say about each of the 50 states -- of Hawaii, he asks "Does the word 'aloha' make you feel warm?" [this may be a John Wayne cover -- see post immediately below!]

You probably won't be seeing a CD rerelease any time soon, and until Bill O'Reilly decides to record some kids' songs, it's hard to imagine any of Wally's spiritual descendants doing anything this amazing.

If you're wondering how a book about a little girl hanging out with an armored polar bear can have so many religious conservatives scared, you're probably not alone. With THE GOLDEN COMPASS having screened in a nationwide sneak on Saturday, many may wonder where the God-bashing was that they've heard so much about?

That is, if anyone actually saw the film at all, because those fundamentalist boycotts can be pretty effective at times. Remember the last fantasy movie based on a book about a young kid and his magic friends that the God squad objected to? Harry something-or-other? Apparently it was never heard from again.

Here's the thing – the God-bashing in Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy, of which COMPASS is part one, doesn't really kick in until part three, and even then, you can argue that the God depicted isn't actually Jesus Christ or Jehovah or Allah, but rather the obnoxious version of a backwards deity that Pullman perceives various faiths to be pushing. Nonetheless, they're probably never going to have to worry about seeing it onscreen, as the likelihood of THE GOLDEN COMPASS getting a sequel strikes me as pretty low.

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

Just got a call from our cover boy Jim "Poorman" Trenton -- it seems the Knott's Halloween Haunt episode, referenced in the article, will be airing tonight.

During the course of the evening, he cornered me on camera, and apparently some of that footage made the final cut.

So check it out, won't you? 11:30 p.m. on KDOC

Am I really supposed to be here?

The event: A party for the reopening of the ballrooms in the Anaheim Hilton, and the ongoing renovations (“Redressed for Success”) in all the rooms.

The guests: Rich businesspeople, mostly wearing suits that look like they cost several months worth of my salary. And me, in my Spawn shirt from Hot Topic.

The bar: open. Featured drinks include various pomegranate cocktails, which I try before realizing that there's 12 year-old Scotch. And some kind of high-end bourbon called Booker's that the bartender says no-one ever orders – she sells maybe a bottle and a half in a year. I have to try that. Flavor-wise, it's no Maker's, but the thing has a sinus-clearing burn akin to tequila. I proceed to blaspheme it by mixing in some Diet Coke.

Lionsgate films claim they make SAW movies for the fans, and while it's easy to be cynical about that claim, Sawfest was definitely a fan-friendly move – all four SAW movies on the big screen for the price of one ticket. Now, could it have been even better? Sure. Had I been in charge of marketing, I might have suggested maybe adding a higher-priced ticket that would include an “I survived Sawfest” t-shirt, or maybe a reduced admission for anyone coming in costume as Jigsaw, Amanda, or Billy the puppet. Make it a real EVENT, rather than just a quadruple-feature. Might have cost them a bit more money than they wanted to spend, though.

As it was, no-one showed up in any kind of costume at the Block AMC 30 last night. Only one person even had a SAW T-shirt. (I don't own a SAW shirt, but wore an ECW barbed wire shirt that vaguely resembles the Twisted Pictures logo). The theater wasn't even crowded. Horror fans might be able to kick the assses of Harry Potter fans one on one, but if it ever came down to a gang rumble we'd be hopelessly outnumbered and humiliated.

Sometimes to fit an interview to available print space, you lose a few quotes -- so here are a few more observations by Joe Rogan:

On Fear Factor:
"I would show up and go, ‘Really…come on! For real?’ And I couldn’t believe the people were willing to do some of the stuff! I mean, that was half of it. I was like, ‘They said they would do it?’ And it was mind-boggling to me. You would think that, to me, it would seem more normal because I was the host, but I couldn’t believe half the stuff we were doing while we were doing it."

If it's Halloween, it must be Saw. So says the maddeningly elliptical trailer for Saw IV, anyway. Now, it isn't considered particularly popular or PC to admit liking these movies -- they tend to be glibly dismissed as "torture porn" by would-be aesthetes who can't be bothered to pay attention -- but it's interesting to note that they're finally getting the "geek" treatment: Tonight, starting at 6 pm., theaters around the country will show all three previous Saw films back-to-back, then follow up with the newest installment at midnight.

Now, Saw may not have much in common with The Lord of the Rings, but one trait they do share is that most of the fans own extended cuts of the movies that are usually improvements on the theatrical version. In the case of the Saw sequels, that often means uncensored scenes of gore, though the first film actually underwent a whole new color-correction for the director's cut DVD, as well as some significant music changes. So will the fans turn out in droves to see the shorter versions all in a row?

I recently had occasion to talk to Bert Ellis, new owner of KDOC, which of course was the home for years of the infamous teflon-toupeed conservative combat-TV host Wally George. Wally, as you probably know, was the forerunner of today's pretenders to the throne like Bill O'Reilly, and in college I even named my band after one of his catchphrases..."His Wife Bruce" (a line Wally would use to imply a guest was gay).

So it saddened me to hear that when Ellis took over, he found that the previous management would simply tape over Wally's old shows when recording new ones, and many of the archived episodes have been lost -- the recent three-hour tribute show represents the best of what they could salvage.

He was also unaware, until I told him, that Wally put out at least two record albums -- one titled "Wally George Sings the Rock Hits" and the other an E.P. called "Wal-ly, Wal-ly." I met Wally when he did a live show at a brewpub back in 1997, and asked him about the albums. He claimed they'd be made available again, but they never were.

Anyway, Ellis is looking to KDOC's history for some of the station's richer properties, and is interested in restoring as much of the Wally George legacy as he can. If you have videotapes of old Wally shows, or copies of his record albums, he wants you to contact him.

With his permission, his email is reprinted below. Shoot him a message if you can add anything to the Wally legacy.

bellis@kdoc.tv

“This could be an entire other article, sell this to Wizard magazine, 'Rob Liefeld goes after Alan Moore'” -- Rob Liefeld, during our interview for this week's cover. Since I don't work for Wizard, and this particular tangent didn't make it into the paper, you're gonna get it here, because it's just too good not to share: the “controversial” artist talking some smack on one of comicdom's most acclaimed writers, creator of Watchmen and V for Vendetta among many others...

“Alan Moore – he just did his own thing. We just stayed out of his way. He had written a miniseries for us called Badrock/Violator...at the time, Alan was doing purposefully campy, over-the-top kinda stuff. We loved the few stories he had done for Superman, and I’m not stupid so we just got out of the way [writing Liefeld's SUPREME] and let him roll.”

According to Facebook, the following are the most popular books in the Orange County online community:

1. Harry Potter
2. The Bible
3. Catcher In The Rye
4. Angels And Demons
5. 1984

Insert your own punchline here.

No, seriously. That's why we have comments enabled.

So I'm at The Block the other day for an exciting double-feature of Eastern Promises (pretty good) and Shoot 'Em Up (outstanding) with a break in between for appletinis made with Absolut Pears, and this woman walks up to me asking me something blablabla, D.C. I say, "What?"

"Have you ever heard of the Dead Sea?"

Of course I have. I even got a bar of soap for Christmas a couple years back made with mud from there.

"Come this way. For 15 seconds."

I didn't really want to, but you never know. Anyway, she takes me to her little cart of stuff, rubs rock salt on my hands that is apparently from the Dead Sea, and tells me to start rubbing my hands together. This feels more or less like applying ultra-coarse sandpaper directly to the skin.

"Keep rubbing, keep rubbing!" she says. "But it doesn't feel good, like, at all," I reply. Eventually she comes over with a spray-thing and squirts oil on my hands. I rub some more, and most of the salt starts coming off into the basin below. Finally I get to dry off my hands, and she shows me the water left in the basin.

"You see that?" she asks, pointedly.

"Yeah, looks like soapy water," I respond."

"That's DEAD SKIN" she says, emphatically. "You need to exfoliate."

This is not interesting to me. Thankfully, she then goes "Okay, you can go now."

No sales pitch. She knows she'd be wasting her time.

So ladies: rubbing hands with rock salt -- do y'all actually do that?

In case you were wondering, air travel still sucks. Flights are more crowded and dirtier than ever (I could swear that stain on my courtesy pillow was blood), and even though transatlantic flights now have video on demand, the equipment for it takes up precious milimeters of legroom, already a scarce resource, one that even the joy of watching “300” over and over again can't quite distract a passenger from.

Still, I got to see the ending of Shrek 3 without paying for it. It wasn't terrible.

Flying directly between London and Los Angeles generally takes about 9 hours. But silly me, I wanted to save some money and went indirectly, via Charlotte, NC. That amounts to a total of 13 hours flight time.

I love malls. Always have. So the grand opening of a new one gets my attention. This morning's grand-opening ceremony for The District at Tustin Legacy was a must-attend; apparently, it's the first new mall to open in the county in a decade, or so they say. Much like this publication, it's partly run by a company out of Phoenix, but going for local flavor. (Which makes it kinda funny that it's called The District.)

The Phoenix company is named Vestar. Every time someone said it, it sounded like "Death Star."

The idea of the mall is that it's one of these new, hip, outdoor shopping places à la The Block, but surrounded by strip-malls of big-box stores such as Target, PetSmart and the biggest damn Whole Foods ever (it contains a wine bar and taqueria). In the background, those giant aircraft hangars dwarf everything.

Most of the press people here were way older than me. Probably write for the business section of something. But there was also a pretty hilarious-looking cameraman—name tag reading simply, "Willie!"—who resembled a heftier, older version of the Crocodile Hunter. Later on, he somehow managed to change clothes.

Americans can be real weenies when it comes to food. We like our meat, but can't stand it to look like an actual dead animal, and have to mince it into patties, or cut it into squares for breading and deep-frying. We'll only eat squid if you don't call it what it actually is, using instead the Italian word “calamari.” And when it comes to snails – we'll deal with them at French restaurants; just be sure you only call them “escargot.”

I've always wanted to try snails, but in the French serving style they tend to be drenched in butter, and believe it or not...I don't like butter. Thus the only snails I've ever had are periwinkles, sea-snails.

So when I saw that the Asian Gardens mall had three different kinds of snails, none of 'em buttery looking, I couldn't wait to chow down.

Listen, buddy. Nominating yourself for "best local hip-hop artist" on our online poll DOZENS of times ain't gonna get you a place in print. So quit spamming my inbox.

Besides, aren't you from...Los Angeles? Which makes the nomination, y'know, moot.

UPDATE: Sol-T's people tell us that page was outdated and that he's an OC boy.

Last week, we noticed that a photo of me watching a 3-D presentation made it into USA Today.

Earlier this morning, I was told the photo was also on AOL. And then today, I see it on Time Magazine's website (thanks KT for the tip-off!)

Be nice if they actually identified me in the pic. But anonymous fame is better than none.