Don’t laugh. This is a serious question for Reverend Wiley Drake, pastor of the First Southern Baptist Church in Buena Park. Early Sunday morning, Drake, with assistance from the American Family Association (AFA), launched what he hopes will be a nationwide boycott of McDonald's.

Its sin? The company refused an AFA demand that it remove its name from the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce website and—in a senseless salute to Satan—also allowed “an openly homosexual” McDonald's executive to sit on the chamber’s board of directors.

“This boycott is not about hiring homosexuals, or homosexuals eating at McDonald's, or how homosexual employees are treated,” Drake wrote in an e-mail. “It’s about McDonald’s, as a corporation, choosing to put the full weight of their corporation behind promoting the homosexual agenda, including homosexual marriage.”

(I wonder if the AFA will reprimand Drake for gross incompetence: He crammed the word “homosexual” a mere five times into two sentences.)

This situation prompted Drake at 7:40 a.m. on Sunday to declare that he will “personally send a $5 gift card from Burger King to each person that [sic] sends a complete [anti-McDonald's] petition with 10 supporters of the boycott.” And he offered to give any individual or organization that joins the boycott “priority to come on any of my five world wide radio shows to share the Lord’s leading in your life.”

How about that, Mr. Snerdly?

But by 4:49 p.m. that same day, someone named “Nedd” notified Drake that his Burger King slap at McDonald's was ill-conceived: “You might wish to know Burger King gave between $5K and $10K to the Gay & Lesbo [sic] Task Force back in February.”

Say it ain't so! Burger King too? Part of the Lavender Empire that’s scheming to takeover schools, sports, the military and now corporate America! Isn’t there any national fast food burger joint willing to openly spurn gays? Wiley, your gaydar is off. Here was your hint . . . [see image].

Dejected but still determined, Drake sent another e-mail. “Might have to change to a Wendy’s gift card,” he wrote. “Anyone have any suggestions?”

Holy cow, Wiley. Are you seated on a cushioned church pew? In May 2006, Wendy’s caved into the dark side. The company announced that it had added a nondiscrimination policy with written protections for gay and lesbian employees.

Perhaps Dairy Queen has gift certificates.

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

*Note: This was once a much-longer post but was lost because my PC is goofy...here's what I remember:

My prediction: few groups will unleash the anti-gay hounds more viciously in the battle over same-sex marriage in California than the Calvary Chapel fellowship. Founder Chuck Smith is already out there in his loud Hawaiian shirts; now, it's David Rosales' turn.

Rosales (pictured) is the head pastor of Calvary Chapel Chino Valley, a congregation in Hell with more than 8,000 members. Yesterday, he wrote a letter to the Orange County Register (not available online, unfortunately) that was astonishing in its stupidity--and, considering I once wrote that Calvary Chapel members make the Scopes Monkey trial seem erudite by comparison, that's quite an accomplishment.

He starts off by saying "as a Mexican-American, I take great insult" in folks equating gay marriage to the civil rights movement, but then can't determine exactly what he is--Rosales says he was born "ethnically Mexican," that "no matter how much I want to, tomorrow I can't wake up Swedish," and that "I can't determine that I am any other race other than the one I have been born into." Sociology alert! Rosales can't seem to distinguish between ancestral group (Mexican-American), ethnic group (no such thing as an overarching Mexican ethnicity, amigo), national identity (here's a Mexican Swede for you, Pastor Pendejo) and race (besides the fact it doesn't exist, Mexican is definitely not a "race," no matter how much Aztlanistas may try).

But that's not even the most offensive things Rosales states.

The most influential Orange County man you've never heard of is undoubtedly Howard F. Ahmanson, Jr., heir to the Home Savings (remember that bank?) fortune. He rarely makes public appearances due to suffering from Tourette's Syndrome, but that hasn't stopped him from giving millions of dollars away to some of the craziest causes imaginable: creationism, anti-gay marriage, anti-gay clerics in the Episcopalian Church, and so many others that in its list of America's most influential evangelicals a couple of years back, Time listed Howard and his wife Roberta as simply "The Financiers."

It's no surprise then, that Ahmanson has so far been the top individual donor to the Protect Marriage Act, the November ballot initiative that wants to create a California constitutional amendment that would define marriage as between a man and a woman. Through his private philanthropic enterprise, Fieldstead and Co., Ahmanson has donated an amazing $400,000 to the initiative--even more than Focus on the Family and topped only by the National Organization for Marriage, a nationwide group whose campaign headquarters to defeat those marryin' gays are in Santa Ana. And remember: this money was spent just to get the ballot measure qualified for November--heaven knows how much money Ahmanson will donate to this cause for the rest of the year.

Going through Fieldstead's campaign contributions (he was also one of the principal funders behind Proposition 22, the 2000 measure that the California State Supreme Court recently overturned to allow homosexual nuptuals), we found Ahmanson also gives money to the county's crazy Republicans--last year, he donated to supervisors John Moorlach, Pat Bates, Janet Nguyen and Diane Harkey; Assemblymember Chuck Devore and Mimi Walters; Dana Point Mayor Diane Harkey, and DA Tony Rackauckas, while 2006 saw him donate to the campaigns of Irvine councilmember Christina Shea, Costa Mesa Minutemen councilmembers Allan Mansoor and Wendy Leece, South Orange County Community College District trustee (and former OC GOP chair) Tom Fuentes, and more to Walters and Devore. If the local Democratic Party had any brains, they'd pull a Jeremiah Wright on all these people for accepting money from such a paleo-conservative (just read up on his mentor, R.J. Rushdoony--and the Wikipedia entry doesn't do justice to the looniness of the man. Or consider that when the Orange County Register's Peter Larsen interviewed Howard and Roberta for a 2004 story, Howard said of countries that stone adulterers and homosexuals, "It would still be a little hard to say that if one stumbled on a country that was doing that, that it is inherently immoral, to stone people for these things," and that Howard saw "homosexuality as an illness akin to alcoholism, which treatment might cure."). But they won't do that, because to criticize politicians for taking money from Ahmanson means they'll have to go after one of their own: State Senator Lou Correa.

Usually I like to pretend Wiley Drake is really on to something when I blog about his crazy shit, but this email, which sat in my junk folder and remains there (I cut and pasted from it) is outrageously ridiculous enough to print verbatim:

What Legal Same Sex Marriages Bring into society...........

Oral Sex
with the ingesting of semen and anal contamination bringing about hepatitis A, gonorrhea, HIV, and hepatitis B

Rectal Sex brings a mixing bowl for saliva and its germs and/or an artifical lubricant which penetrates the rectal lining ( which is only one cell thick) rectal intercourse is the most efficient way to spread hepatitis B, HIV,syphilis and a host of other blood-born diseases. This brings about the enteric parasites collectively known as "Gay Bowel Syndrome"

Urine Sex
In a San Francisco survey of 655 same sex people, 5% drank urine, 7% practiced fisting, 33% ingested feces via anal/oral contact.

Some say same-sex marriage is ok and we should be concerned about the community that want same-sex marriage.

We should be concerned when their life style brings early death to them and the rest of
society.

God called what same-sex marriages do "sodomy" and those who do
it "sodomites."

If we do not stand and fight this plague, God will as He did in sodom and their neighborhood.

So a bunch of gays got married today, and the Christian Right is livid (but where was Fred Phelps when you needed him?). Providing a much-needed coda for today was none other than the legendary Chuck Smith, founder of the Calvary Chapel movement (shown here in another fabulous shirt). He was just on KCAL-TV Channel 9 saying it's wrong for gays to marry (although he wasn't opposed to unions--maybe now he's for domestic partnerships?). The funniest part about his homophobic rant? Smith was spouting off while wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a lei. And now, we turn it over to Homer Simpson talking about Bart wearing such a shirt:

Homer: Marge, the boy was wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
Marge: So?
Homer: There's only two kind of guys who wear those shirts: gay guys and
big, fat party animals. [sad] And Bart doesn't look like a big,
fat party animal to me...
Marge: So, if you wore a Hawaiian shirt, it wouldn't be gay?
Homer: Right. Thank you.

We know which way you swing, Chuck--DIVINE!

There were just a few couples waiting to get married this morning at the old historic courthouse in downtown Santa Ana, but by 9 a.m.—an hour after the county clerk/recorder's office opened—what had been a trickle had turned into a flood. The occasion, of course, was the first hour that same-sex marriages in Orange County would be legally recognized.

Once couples had filled out the proper paperwork (which, as of last night, had been changed to read "Party 1" and "Party 2"), some left—they had weddings to plan, after all—but others, caught up in the whirl, opted to get hitched right there at the courthouse, in various areas. Some got married outside on the steps; some got married in the old 3rd floor courtroom, which could accomodate a good-sized number of friends, family and (on this day at least) news media; and some, including Newport Beach couple Jim Carroll and Rich Videgain, who've been together for 33 years and will go down on record as being the first same-sex couple to legally marry in Orange County, went off into a small enclave inside the recorder's office and exchanged rings there (hopefully we'll have the video of their ceremony uploaded here in a bit).

And, of course, an occasion such as this was bound to bring out the fundamentalist Christians—and how many showed? One. Two. Three. Three of them, plus a black woman who popped up later in the morning who was dressed in a full-on minister's robe, carrying a shepherd's crook and a white cross with the word REPENT emblazoned on it. All she really did was sing hymns, which were actually quite lovely. Unlike the fat, bearded gent who yelled at everybody he could about his God's coming judgement, sin, damnation, fire, brimstone, etc. etc. Best take on the protesters came from Michael Valencia, 43, who volunteers at OC soup kitchens as part of the Catholic Worker charity org: "I wonder why I never see any of these people there volunteering.” Hmmm... true. After all, what WOULD Jesus do: feed the hungry or scream at the homosexshuls?

Keep an eye on Navel Gazing throughout the day for more pics and video footage from the Santa Ana courthouse.

The funniest of articles appeared earlier this week in the Orange County Register: Christian churches are uniting to save marriage. At Eastside Christian Church in Fullerton, about 100 pastors gathered under the guise of the Orange County Marriage Education Initiative, which its website declares is "a non-profit organization dedicated solely to strengthening marriages and reducing the divorce rate within Orange County." On and on, these folks told reporter Serena Maria Daniels how important marriage is--then the rub. When it came to gay marriage--recently found constitutional by the California Supreme Court--California Healthy Marriage Initiative president Dennis Stoica told Daniels, "We know that is a very important issue to a lot of people," but that attendees "would not comment on political matters," according to the Register.

Oh, really? Eastside Christian is listed as a drop-off point for folks trying to get a proposition on the November ballot that would create a California constitutional amendment banning gay marriages. Other people involved in the initiative are the fag-bashers in the Calvary Chapel movement and a lot of other homo-haters. Those folks are not shy at all in telling the world how evil gay marriage is, even though as it stands without the union of same sexes, divorce amongst breeders is pretty damn high. Expect to hear more from these creeps in the coming months...

From the Damn, Why Didn't We Think of That?! Department...KPFK-FM 90.7's Uprising morning show wants to broadcast YOUR big fat gay wedding! On their website today, host Sonali Kolhatkar announces, "If you are in a same-sex relationship and are planning to marry, Uprising and KPFK invite you to broadcast your wedding on our airwaves, live on this program." The only surprise is that--at least according to the post--Uprising "will accept only the first couple that contacts us." Sounds so capitalistic and anti-commie, Sonali--broadcast them all, ¿qué no?

It was about 10:45 this morning when I flipped on KFWB after getting out of my Santa Ana Saturn dealership—the TV wasn't on in their waiting room, but it would've been interesting to see the reaction of the elderly woman with the scrunched-up face engrossed in her Orange County Register when she heard the news that the California Supreme Court decided 4-3 to overturn the state ban on gay marriage, which had been in place since moronic voters approved Proposition 22 in 2000.

Naturally, the first voice I heard on the radio was the simpering, mincing, ironically feminine chirp of Louis Sheldon, founder of the Anaheim-based Traditional Values Coalition (which constantly equates homosexuality with pedophilia, bestiality and John Wayne. Well, maybe not John Wayne, but the Village People had to come up with their cowboy archetype somewhere). His input in this was expected—Sheldon's an anti-gay zealot who, weirdly enough, can't stop talking about anal sex, among other strange topics. (Check out this R. Scott Moxley story from 2000, and while you're at it, type in "Lou Sheldon" into the Weekly's search engine for extra Sheldon shits 'n' giggles.)

I let out a reflexive "woo-hoo!", because anything that can get Sheldon's tampon in a twist is fine with me. And now—officially—us gays can now be legally just as miserable as breeders. Yay.

So how are the crazies taking the ruling? We direct you to the Register's reader comments, which are bulging by the minute...these are as of 12:50 p.m., with plenty more certain to follow. Some excerpts...

My dog has always been there for me, she loves me unconditionally. She is the only one who really understands me and she never complains. I think we are just one step closer to inter-species marriage. I can't wait.

First the voters were robbed by the courts of Prop.187 back in the 1990's, and now the Ca. voters are robbed of Prop. 22 by the Ca. State Supreme Court. What's the point of voting?

Once again the will of the people- remember that MAJORITY rules thing? - is overturned by a few. This is why people don't get out and vote. All it takes is for a handfull of judges to out-rule that majority rule thing - once again remember that?

This ruling is yet another demonstration of the judicial branch usurping power. The people of California made it overwhelmingly clear that they did not want gay marriage. A few officials decided that they know better.

I find it troubling that the homosexual/lesbian community cannot find a word for their type of bond. "Marriage" already has its meaning and I stand by it. Gay used to mean happy, it no longer does. It is now a cover word for an alternate lifestyle.

Ok so if gays are allowed to marry each other, then I think brothers and sisters should be allowed to marry as well. This is sickening, what is this world coming to...

It's just another way that our goverment is usurping the will of the people. This was voted on years ago with prop 22 and the overwhelming majority of California votes agreed to define marriage as "...a civil contract between a man and a woman."

How can you not care about gay marriages? This should be banned from this whole world. Have you not read the Bible gay people? You must be in total darkness about this subject! Save yourself and start reading your Bible or go to church!

My dog has always been there for me, she loves me unconditionally. She is the only one who really understands me and she never complains. I think we are just one step closer to inter-species marriage. I can't wait.

SICK.

The beginning of the end of the family.