My pick for today is RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION.

Huh?

Yep, that's right.

Are you serious?

Sure.

How could you possibly...?

Because it's all about an occasionally nude Milla Jovovich doing a Mad Max routine in Las Vegas with a bunch of zombies. And it's directed by Russell Mulcahy.

Russell who?

The guy who directed Highlander.

Oh, awesome. But wait...didn't he also direct Highlander 2?

Yes, but it really wasn't as bad as you remember, especially if you go in knowing it's camp. Also, the theatrical version was quite different than his intended cut.

Ah. But did he do anything else worthwhile?

Lots of excellent '80s music videos, including Culture Club's "The War Song." Also The Shadow, starring Alec Baldwin and John Lone, which wasn't too bad.

But Paul W.S. Anderson is the screenwriter! Isn't it an established fact that he sucks?

Not by a long shot. Anderson is one of those people that Harry Knowles has somehow taken an instant dislike to, but remember, so was the brilliant genre scribe James Gunn until Slither and Dawn of the Dead. Anderson hasn't exactly made any classics, but there's decent entertainment to be had from Shopping, Mortal Kombat, Event Horizon, Soldier, and even Alien vs. Predator. The closest thing to a great movie he's made is the first Resident Evil.

Also Mike Epps is in it again as the annoying smart-ass black guy. I thought you hated him?

I do -- hoping he gets killed this time around. There are zombie crows in this one, and it'd be great if they pecked him to death.

And this didn't screen for critics -- isn't that a bad sign?

Often, but unfortunately, due to most major critics' condescension and willful ignorance of horror, genre stuff hides out of sheer defensive reflex action these days. Saw 3 didn't have advance screenings either, and for my money it's a modern horror classic.

You're insane.

Fine. Go to the national sneak preview of THE GAME PLAN, starring The Rock, Saturday night at 7:30 instead.