OC Register Offers Blasphemously Great Subscription Deal for Catholics--$1 for 2 Years!

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Demon Kushner looking for Catholic blood...

One of the various strategies Orange County Register owner Aaron Kushner used to boost subscription numbers was to offer ridiculously cheap discounts to select audiences. For instance, he offered Latinos a two-year subscription to the Sunday Reg for $2. The way he got around accusations of discrimination was by offering the deal as a bundle--people who'd take the plunge would get the Reg and their throwaway Spanish-language weekly, UNIDOS. But the deal was only offered to Mexicans--and SanTana Mexis at that, not Coto de Caza wabs.

Kushner's segregationist subscription scandal (sorry; couldn't resist) continues. Over the holidays, Catholics in Orange County were subjected to an even better discount courtesy of the Diocese of Orange: two years of the Sunday Register for a dollar. A DOLLAR.


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Junipero Serra Finally Declared a Saint by Pope Francis

Categories: Ex Cathedra

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Wikimedia Commons
Statue of Serra
We've been big fans of Pope Francis ever since the Argentine became the latest vicar of Christ a couple of years ago. Oh, how he has antagonized conservatives so, what with his constant comments on how gays are human, how capitalism is warped, how global warming is a thing, and so on. Right on, Papa Pancho!

But then again, Francis IS the pope of the Catholic Church, one of the evilest hierarchies in human history, and hence capable of major fuck-ups. And that's what happened this morning, when he declared he was making Junípero Serra a saint. Since the pope is an Argie, we gotta switch to his Spanish to declare "¡Oye, che boludo hijo de la gran puta!"

Francis said this while visiting Manila, further adding that he's going to conduct the canonization while visiting the United States this year. ""He was the evangelizer of the west in the United States," he told onlookers.

He was also the enslaver of thousands of California's Indians, though.

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Michael Driscoll, Former Pedo Priest-Protecting OC Bishop, Resigns as Bishop of Boise

Categories: Ex Cathedra

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Photo by Chris Victorio
Since there are no usable photos of Driscoll in the OC Weekly archives, this pig'll do--no offense against the pig, mind you...

This morning, the Vatican press office announced that Diocese of Boise Bishop Michael Driscoll was resigning his position due to reaching the Holy See's mandatory retirement age for bishops. Too bad Pope Francis couldn't have booted Driscoll much earlier for his notorious career of protecting pedophile priests in Orange County.


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Cirilo Flores, Former Pedo Priest-Protecting Diocese of Orange Bishop, Passes Away--YAY!

Categories: Ex Cathedra

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Illustration by James McHugh
Flores--finished
There should be no tears of sadness shed for the passing of Cirilo Flores, the bishop of the Diocese of San Diego and former auxiliary bishop in Orange who passed away this weekend after a battle with cancer. As is the case with nearly every Catholic bishop of Flores' generation, any good he did in his life (fight for the rights of illegal immigrants, of the poor, against the death penalty) was wiped away forever because of his role in letting pedophile priests in Orange get away with their crimes--not just by never disciplining admitted kiddie fiddlers, but by never even bothering to turn them over to authorities. Yep, that's a prime candidate to become Satan's latest cabana boy.

A refresher: Flores served on the Orange Diocese's clergy-personnel board, the very board charged with investigating charges against diocesan priests. And as I wrote in a 2009 story shortly after it was announced Flores was becoming auxiliary bishop (for you non-mackerel snappers, it's basically a minor-league bishop seat usually given for affirmative action purposes), the board didn't discipline shit while he was there.

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Thomas A. Delaney, OC's Newest Judge, was Favored Lawyer of Pedophile-Protecting Groups

Categories: Ex Cathedra

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OC Weekly archives
Jerry Brown, announcing some other babosada...
Last week, California Governor Jerry Brown announced two new Orange County Superior Court judges: Thomas A. Delaney, and Nancy E. Zeltzer. No idea on who Zeltzer is, but Delaney's inclusion raised alarms in the part of my brain that tracks pedophile priests and their secular pedophile pals.

Simply put, our new Hizzoner made mucho money defending pedophile-protecting groups in the past couple of years, especially as the Catholic Church sex-abuse scandal spilled over into other organizations that had long protected perverts in plain sight.

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Ricardo Aldana, Former JSerra High Teacher, Convicted of Lewd Acts w/14-Year-Old Girl

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Courtesy OC DA's office
Aldana's mug shot from 2011
Gustavo here. Ricardo Aldana, a former Spanish teacher at JSerra High in San Juan Capistrano and South County girl's volleyball coach arrested way back in 2011 on charges of having sex with a then-14-year-old student, was finally convicted today.

A jury got him on three counts of lewd acts but acquitted him of four other counts alleging the same thing. Potatoe, potato: pervert pendejo is GUILTY.

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Lawrence Baird, Pedo-Priest Apologist Extraordinaire, Now Blessing Wieners!

Categories: Ex Cathedra

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Photo by Tenaya Hills, who we miss very much
Baird's multimillion-dollar Balboa cottage
We've never had a chance to truly beat down Lawrence Baird, longtime pedo-priest apologist for the Diocese of Orange, because he was before our time. But his claims to infamy are legion: from calling notorious boy-lover Michael Harris "an icon to the priesthood" to living in a multimillion-dollar Balboa Island home to suing a sex-abuse victim for defamation (and losing. And having to pay her legal bill. And getting caught trying to shut up her free speech), Baird is just an overall asshole--and that's what makes him so esteemed among Orange County Catholics and fools. I mean, what other reason would a new restaurant ask him to bless their grand opening?

Yet that's exactly what a hot dog stand in Balboa asked Baird to do late last month. He's been the pastor at St. John Vianney Chapel there for years (home chapel, last we checked, to those icons of morality Kobe and Vanessa Bryant) and a presence on the island--and now you have another reason to stay away from Balboa besides the parking and snooty residents.

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Is Jerry Brown Nominating the Orange Diocese's Keeper of Pedo-Priest Secrets as a OC Judge?

Categories: Ex Cathedra

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Wikipedia Commons
The buzz going around the Diocese of Orange is that California governor Jerry Brown is considering general counsel Maria Rullo Schinderle as a judge. And if ever you needed a laugh, it's in that possibility.

Schinderle has worked for the Orange diocese since 1998, basically at the beginning of the regime of former Bishop Tod D. Brown. She was his point person on how to confront legally pedophilia among his priests, and what to do with all those pesky survivors who wanted justice--and we all saw how good THAT went for county Catholics.

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Trial for Ricardo Aldana, Accused Catholic School Pervert Teacher, Finally Gets Started Today

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Over two years after getting arrested on seven felony charges of molesting his student, the trial of former JSerra High School Spanish teacher Ricardo Aldana is finally going to start today, according to lawyers for the victim.

A quick refresher: Aldana was a popular volleyball coach in South County whose defenders came out in full force upon getting arrested. Those defenders shut up after details emerged that Aldana had also been accused of molesting a student while at Hawthorne High, and that JSerra officials hadn't uncovered that tidbit. They insisted Hawthorne High brass never told them; the rest of the world laughed.

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Will Todd Spitzer Fire Matt Cunningham as His OC Parks Commissioner?

Categories: Ex Cathedra

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Jerbal
Excuse us as we here at the Weekly revel in schaudenfreude and we-told-ustedes-so over paid hack and OC Weekly 2013 Scariest People honoree Matt Cunningham's evisceration on the national stage for his wussy blog post mocking people who have lost loved ones to shootings by cops. Matty deserves all the professional scorn on Earth, and more so.

And might that involve losing his longtime post as an OC Parks commissioner? That's the tantalizing possibility before us in the wake of this scandal gracias to Todd Spitzer's political future.

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