To paraphrase a paraphrase of Mark Twain, reports of my deportation have been greatly exaggerated.
Yes, I know I announced last Thursday that I was ending my ¡Ask a Mexican! column, but few people seemingly bothered to read the line where I stated my self-deportation was "effective the feast day of St. Melito," which happens to fall today. April Fools'!
In this day of Google and instant knowledge, I must admit I was shocked that only two people called me on my bluff: Diego Renteria, an 18-year-old student at Harvard who runs the fine blog Soledad en Masa, and my best friend. Sources much more reputable than them, from bloggers at the Los Angeles Times and the New York Times to Reason editor (and my old Times op-ed boss) Matt Welch, to the magnificent LAObserved and the many newspaper and radio reporters seeking an interview with me to discuss the retirement, initially fell for the prank (any mitigations came after initial posts marking my passing as fact). And, sí, Kevin Roderick: my farewell column counts as an April Fools' joke even though it published on Thursday--remember that I set it to activate on the feast day of St. Melito. April Fools'!
So, to clear up any confusion, and to paraphrase a paraphrase of a Byrds' paraphrase of Bob Dylan: I ain't going nowhere. I do stand by most of the assertions in my "finale": not enough of you are uploading questions to my YouTube channel. Mexicans are Americans--at least this anchor baby, and the hundreds of fellow anchor babies he knows. The column will one day follow in the grand tradition of American ethnic humor like Mr. Dooley and Pat Morita and be looked at as an antiquated relic of a time when America was too xenophobic to bother realizing its idiot immigrants were invigorating the Republic anew. But that time isn't now, so keep sending questions, cabrones!
To close, a couple of Confidential Tos:
*To the hundreds of people who emailed me and left comments on my MySpace pageexpressing sadness that I was canceling Ask a Mexican!: Gracias for the kind words and support from the bottom of my heart. My column would be nothing without ustedes.
*To the three people who emailed me expressing happiness I was quitting, and the dozens who left nasty comments on various blogs: You hate me, you really hate me! I'm honored you waste so much energy on me. Don't you know that my ego feeds off your love? Honestly, the worst thing you Know Nothings can do is ignore me--but since ustedes love me so, I'm glad that won't ever happen!
*To Tony O: Amateur enough for ya?
*To the California Coalition for Immigration Reform: The only people in my life who have ever called me "Gus" were unassimilated Mexicans. Since when did wabs take over CCIR?
*To Albuquerque Weekly Alibi editor Christie Chisolm: Gracias for the idea!
*To everyone else: The paperback edition of Ask a Mexican! comes out April 22--pre-order today!
April 1, 2008 01:56
Awesome...but someone needs to close an Italics tag...
April 1, 2008 06:19
Ah, You got me. Part of me was thinking I should Google "the feast day of St. Melito," too.
Congratulations on a fine April Fools Day prank.
April 1, 2008 06:29
That was a good, April Fools joke that you pulled on us Gus!
In fact, I dare say it's just as good (if not better than) as some of the stunts that our current, Presidential administration is pulling on the American people! ;-)
April 1, 2008 07:13
Sacre bleu! Zat was a really good April Fools joke Monsieur Mexicain! ;-)
I'd say zat eet eez up zair weez zee now famous/eenfamous "Taco Bell Buys the Liberty Bell" April Fools joke of 1996. ;-)
April 1, 2008 07:42
April Fool? Saying farewell to the rat race here in the states is the most unfoolish thing to be done. I, however, have made a life long resolution to be a fool every day of the year. Why limit ourselves to one day of the year. My people cannot plan ahead for the occasion anyway.
April 1, 2008 08:29
Aye cabron...you and your April Fool chistes!
Now I have to update my blog after posting about your demise, you April Foolio, you!
April 1, 2008 09:07
Well, you are clever. And funny. It's too bad you are such a hate-filled racist.
April 1, 2008 09:12
Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on me again, and again, and again....
April 1, 2008 09:28
I didn't think of it until I had sent you my email. Oh, well you got most of us. Saludos güey......
Juan Carlos
April 1, 2008 09:29
Hal, you moron: As faithful readers of the Weekly know, the only people I hate are pedophile protectors and ignorant people--and they come in all colors. Ever read the Mexicans where I unload on wabs?
April 1, 2008 09:49
jajajajajajajaja
April 1, 2008 12:03
eeeeeee hijo de la..... Gustavo
I've been punk'd!!! That was a muy bueno April Fools chiste. This is what happens when you are too busy to google!
April 1, 2008 12:48
Hey Gustavo - The New York Times Lede Blog post was the most amusing part of your prank. What is it about you that is magnetic to people inclined to make insane comments on the internets?
April 1, 2008 13:27
if you read my MySpace question in its intended sardonicism, you'd have seen that I was among those not fooled, though I also have no idea who St. Melito is
April 1, 2008 17:28
As always, you keep educating us. Who knew about St. Melito? Welcome back from the dead.
April 2, 2008 09:25
You know why people "fell" for it? Because it wasn't funny.
April 2, 2008 11:05
So if it was funny, people wouldn't fall for it, Cowboy? Stupidest use of logic since Tan Nguyen's campaing.