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The Littlest Victim of the Carona Case

Wednesday night's meeting of the Orange County Press Club at Jason's in Santa Ana, which featured a panel discussion of ex-Sheriff Mike Carona's indictment and the media's role in chronicling his messy reign as the county's top cop, was a hoot and a half. One highlight was my predecessor, Will Swaim, and the Reg's Frank Mickadeit doing a dramatic reading of the FBI tape transcripts of Carona's Aug. 13 conversation with buddy-turned-informant Don Haidl about all that "untraceable" money Haidl is alleged to have sent the sheriff's way.

Even better: Watching Republican kingmaker and Carona adviser Mike Schroeder coolly navigate wave upon wave of Liberal Media Elite scorn and schadenfreude by offering glimpses of the ex-sheriff's defense strategy: Haidl and George Jaramillo are a couple of lying scumbags, the U.S. attorney in charge of the case is overreaching and grandstanding, lather, rinse, repeat.

(Mike Schroeder: Disarmingly evil, or evilly disarming? Discuss!)

But lost in all this back-and-forth was perhaps the greatest tragedy of the entire Carona saga. Whether or not he is ultimately found guilty of the charges against him, he faces a far more daunting challenge:

The guy is going to have to rename his cock.

The old name no longer applies, and let's face it, "The Little Ex-Sheriff" just doesn't have same ring to it.

Now, Carona's got a lot on his mind right now, so it's probably a bit hard... er, difficult for him to get a handle on... sorry, deal with this issue. So I thought we'd let our readers come up with a spunky new moniker for the man's member.

So take your best shot in the comments section. Then we'll run a poll and see which new name stands tallest.

And don't worry, Mike. Like that top-flight legal advice you're getting these days, we're rendering this service pro bono.

I'm going to take a shower now. Happy Valentine's Day.

Comments (40)

  1. Jack Grimshaw says:

    “Little Debbie Snack”

    Not sure McKee Foods are gonna be too delighted if this catches on ...

  2. Alex Brant-Zawadzki says:

    The Short Arm of the Law?

  3. Dan Chmielewski says:

    My smaller bald head

  4. Anonymous says:

    The Little Felon

  5. Dave Segal says:

    Deposed Dicktator?

  6. Deputy Dew says:

    Lil Crooked Sheriff

  7. Mike Schroeder says:

    Little Felon

  8. Rich Kane says:

    The Banished Bologna?
    The Shamed Scrota?
    The Scandalized Sausage?
    The To-Be-Jailed Johnson?
    The Hoosegowed Hammer?
    The Guilty Gland?
    The Flaccid Felon?

  9. Dave Segal says:

    Fallen Phallus?

  10. Tom Child says:

    Uh..."Jeff?" I'm sorry, I just got excited when I saw everyone else participating.

  11. LYT says:

    Carona Lite?

  12. Nick Schou says:

    The under-sheriff?

  13. Gustavo Arellano says:

    The Debbies' Dong

  14. Ted B. Kissell says:

    Mr. Hard Time?

  15. Alex Brant-Zawadzki says:

    His Jail-house Rock?

  16. Anonymous says:

    Lame Lingus!

  17. Dave Segal says:


  18. Rich Kane says:

    The Apprehended Appendage?
    The Risen Resigner?
    The Incarcerated Injector?
    The Penal Code Violator?
    The Shameless Spooge-Spitter?

    To think I get paid for this....

  19. Jessica says:

    Corona's Little Crooked Cock... er Cop?
    The Chicken Little?
    The Trifle Cheater?
    Exhibit A?
    Mike's Mischief-Maker?
    Corona's Con-Artist?
    The Felonious Little Flap?

  20. Elegant Elliott Offen says:

    Penal Hardship?

  21. Freida Fallons says:

    Tricky Dick.

  22. Freida Fallons says:

    The Diminutive Defendant.

  23. Russian Male Prostitute says:

    Unimpressive and puny--but Mike knows how to suck even if he's a bad tipper

  24. Eric the Midget says:

    Al B. Convicted?

  25. Ass-Napkin Ed says:

    Minister of Defense?

  26. Erica. Been There. Hated it. says:


    (Mike's "Lil Sheriff" is far less impressive than Jo Ann G's strap on...)

  27. G.Jones says:

    I don't have a suggestion for what Mikey should call the little guy, but I'm getting really tired of Dubya's repeated references to his Stimulus Package.

  28. Mrs. Carona says:

    Come out come out where ever you are.

  29. Hans says:

    Corona Condoms, for the dictator who won't pull out.

  30. Eric 90740 says:

    How about -- The Little Inmate?
    Or, if Carona has a big cellmate -- The Little Bitch...?

  31. Cesar says:

    I LOVE it!!!! These nicknames are hilarious, indeed. Congrats to all of you creative thinkers... I hope this ass-wipe ends up doing time and getting his pendejo ass lathered up by not one, not two, but by the entire cell block...

  32. Elizabeth says:

    Caronita (the little Carona)

  33. Jack Grimshaw says:

    * The Carona Boner (Known From Sedona to Downtown Kona.)

    * His Short Stiff Sentence

  34. Anonymous says:

    Lil' Baton

  35. redperergine says:


  36. D. Martini says:

    The focus of Jack Anderson's attention

  37. Frank Mickadeit says:

    My breakfast, lunch and dinner when Mike Schroeder is out of town.

  38. db says:

    Little Con

  39. FV says:

    Believe me, I've seen it, ain't no way the turtle is coming out of the shell once in cellblock, if you can get what I'm saying!

  40. L.A. in O.C. says:

    The L'l inmate. for his ass

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