Wednesday night's meeting of the Orange County Press Club at Jason's in Santa Ana, which featured a panel discussion of ex-Sheriff Mike Carona's indictment and the media's role in chronicling his messy reign as the county's top cop, was a hoot and a half. One highlight was my predecessor, Will Swaim, and the Reg's Frank Mickadeit doing a dramatic reading of the FBI tape transcripts of Carona's Aug. 13 conversation with buddy-turned-informant Don Haidl about all that "untraceable" money Haidl is alleged to have sent the sheriff's way.
Even better: Watching Republican kingmaker and Carona adviser Mike Schroeder coolly navigate wave upon wave of Liberal Media Elite scorn and schadenfreude by offering glimpses of the ex-sheriff's defense strategy: Haidl and George Jaramillo are a couple of lying scumbags, the U.S. attorney in charge of the case is overreaching and grandstanding, lather, rinse, repeat.
(Mike Schroeder: Disarmingly evil, or evilly disarming? Discuss!)
But lost in all this back-and-forth was perhaps the greatest tragedy of the entire Carona saga. Whether or not he is ultimately found guilty of the charges against him, he faces a far more daunting challenge:
The guy is going to have to rename his cock.
The old name no longer applies, and let's face it, "The Little Ex-Sheriff" just doesn't have same ring to it.
Now, Carona's got a lot on his mind right now, so it's probably a bit hard... er, difficult for him to get a handle on... sorry, deal with this issue. So I thought we'd let our readers come up with a spunky new moniker for the man's member.
So take your best shot in the comments section. Then we'll run a poll and see which new name stands tallest.
And don't worry, Mike. Like that top-flight legal advice you're getting these days, we're rendering this service pro bono.
I'm going to take a shower now. Happy Valentine's Day.
February 14, 2008 10:29
“Little Debbie Snack”
Not sure McKee Foods are gonna be too delighted if this catches on ...
February 14, 2008 10:35
The Short Arm of the Law?
February 14, 2008 10:54
My smaller bald head
February 14, 2008 10:56
The Little Felon
February 14, 2008 10:58
Deposed Dicktator?
February 14, 2008 11:00
Lil Crooked Sheriff
February 14, 2008 11:02
Little Felon
February 14, 2008 11:02
The Banished Bologna?
The Shamed Scrota?
The Scandalized Sausage?
The To-Be-Jailed Johnson?
The Hoosegowed Hammer?
The Guilty Gland?
The Flaccid Felon?
February 14, 2008 11:13
Fallen Phallus?
February 14, 2008 11:36
Uh..."Jeff?" I'm sorry, I just got excited when I saw everyone else participating.
February 14, 2008 11:38
Carona Lite?
February 14, 2008 11:48
The under-sheriff?
February 14, 2008 11:55
The Debbies' Dong
February 14, 2008 12:32
Mr. Hard Time?
February 14, 2008 13:52
His Jail-house Rock?
February 14, 2008 14:15
Lame Lingus!
February 14, 2008 14:55
Manhoodlum?
February 14, 2008 15:27
The Apprehended Appendage?
The Risen Resigner?
The Incarcerated Injector?
The Penal Code Violator?
The Shameless Spooge-Spitter?
To think I get paid for this....
February 14, 2008 16:14
Corona's Little Crooked Cock... er Cop?
The Chicken Little?
The Trifle Cheater?
Exhibit A?
Mike's Mischief-Maker?
Corona's Con-Artist?
The Felonious Little Flap?
February 14, 2008 16:37
Penal Hardship?
February 14, 2008 17:07
Tricky Dick.
February 14, 2008 17:25
The Diminutive Defendant.
February 14, 2008 18:17
Unimpressive and puny--but Mike knows how to suck even if he's a bad tipper
February 14, 2008 18:33
Al B. Convicted?
February 14, 2008 18:36
Minister of Defense?
February 14, 2008 19:16
Wanting.
(Mike's "Lil Sheriff" is far less impressive than Jo Ann G's strap on...)
February 14, 2008 21:22
I don't have a suggestion for what Mikey should call the little guy, but I'm getting really tired of Dubya's repeated references to his Stimulus Package.
February 14, 2008 22:48
Come out come out where ever you are.
February 15, 2008 08:55
Corona Condoms, for the dictator who won't pull out.
February 15, 2008 11:59
How about -- The Little Inmate?
Or, if Carona has a big cellmate -- The Little Bitch...?
February 15, 2008 12:21
I LOVE it!!!! These nicknames are hilarious, indeed. Congrats to all of you creative thinkers... I hope this ass-wipe ends up doing time and getting his pendejo ass lathered up by not one, not two, but by the entire cell block...
February 15, 2008 12:50
Caronita (the little Carona)
February 15, 2008 14:05
* The Carona Boner (Known From Sedona to Downtown Kona.)
* His Short Stiff Sentence
February 15, 2008 21:48
Lil' Baton
February 16, 2008 11:41
Lompoker
February 16, 2008 13:14
The focus of Jack Anderson's attention
February 16, 2008 19:49
My breakfast, lunch and dinner when Mike Schroeder is out of town.
February 16, 2008 22:48
Little Con
February 17, 2008 07:46
Believe me, I've seen it, ain't no way the turtle is coming out of the shell once in cellblock, if you can get what I'm saying!
February 17, 2008 09:35
The L'l inmate. for his ass