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The Littlest Victim of the Carona Case

Posted by Ted B. Kissell in Carona Watch

February 14, 2008 9:56 AM

Permalink | Comments (40)

Wednesday night's meeting of the Orange County Press Club at Jason's in Santa Ana, which featured a panel discussion of ex-Sheriff Mike Carona's indictment and the media's role in chronicling his messy reign as the county's top cop, was a hoot and a half. One highlight was my predecessor, Will Swaim, and the Reg's Frank Mickadeit doing a dramatic reading of the FBI tape transcripts of Carona's Aug. 13 conversation with buddy-turned-informant Don Haidl about all that "untraceable" money Haidl is alleged to have sent the sheriff's way.

Even better: Watching Republican kingmaker and Carona adviser Mike Schroeder coolly navigate wave upon wave of Liberal Media Elite scorn and schadenfreude by offering glimpses of the ex-sheriff's defense strategy: Haidl and George Jaramillo are a couple of lying scumbags, the U.S. attorney in charge of the case is overreaching and grandstanding, lather, rinse, repeat.

(Mike Schroeder: Disarmingly evil, or evilly disarming? Discuss!)

But lost in all this back-and-forth was perhaps the greatest tragedy of the entire Carona saga. Whether or not he is ultimately found guilty of the charges against him, he faces a far more daunting challenge:

The guy is going to have to rename his cock.

The old name no longer applies, and let's face it, "The Little Ex-Sheriff" just doesn't have same ring to it.

Now, Carona's got a lot on his mind right now, so it's probably a bit hard... er, difficult for him to get a handle on... sorry, deal with this issue. So I thought we'd let our readers come up with a spunky new moniker for the man's member.

So take your best shot in the comments section. Then we'll run a poll and see which new name stands tallest.

And don't worry, Mike. Like that top-flight legal advice you're getting these days, we're rendering this service pro bono.

I'm going to take a shower now. Happy Valentine's Day.

Comments (40)

Jack Grimshaw says:
February 14, 2008 10:29

“Little Debbie Snack”

Not sure McKee Foods are gonna be too delighted if this catches on ...

Alex Brant-Zawadzki says:
February 14, 2008 10:35

The Short Arm of the Law?

Dan Chmielewski says:
February 14, 2008 10:54

My smaller bald head

Anonymous says:
February 14, 2008 10:56

The Little Felon

Dave Segal says:
February 14, 2008 10:58

Deposed Dicktator?

Deputy Dew says:
February 14, 2008 11:00

Lil Crooked Sheriff

Mike Schroeder says:
February 14, 2008 11:02

Little Felon

Rich Kane says:
February 14, 2008 11:02

The Banished Bologna?
The Shamed Scrota?
The Scandalized Sausage?
The To-Be-Jailed Johnson?
The Hoosegowed Hammer?
The Guilty Gland?
The Flaccid Felon?

Dave Segal says:
February 14, 2008 11:13

Fallen Phallus?

Tom Child says:
February 14, 2008 11:36

Uh..."Jeff?" I'm sorry, I just got excited when I saw everyone else participating.

LYT says:
February 14, 2008 11:38

Carona Lite?

Nick Schou says:
February 14, 2008 11:48

The under-sheriff?

Gustavo Arellano says:
February 14, 2008 11:55

The Debbies' Dong

Ted B. Kissell says:
February 14, 2008 12:32

Mr. Hard Time?

Alex Brant-Zawadzki says:
February 14, 2008 13:52

His Jail-house Rock?

Anonymous says:
February 14, 2008 14:15

Lame Lingus!

Dave Segal says:
February 14, 2008 14:55

Manhoodlum?

Rich Kane says:
February 14, 2008 15:27

The Apprehended Appendage?
The Risen Resigner?
The Incarcerated Injector?
The Penal Code Violator?
The Shameless Spooge-Spitter?

To think I get paid for this....

Jessica says:
February 14, 2008 16:14

Corona's Little Crooked Cock... er Cop?
The Chicken Little?
The Trifle Cheater?
Exhibit A?
Mike's Mischief-Maker?
Corona's Con-Artist?
The Felonious Little Flap?

Elegant Elliott Offen says:
February 14, 2008 16:37

Penal Hardship?

Freida Fallons says:
February 14, 2008 17:07

Tricky Dick.

Freida Fallons says:
February 14, 2008 17:25

The Diminutive Defendant.

Russian Male Prostitute says:
February 14, 2008 18:17

Unimpressive and puny--but Mike knows how to suck even if he's a bad tipper

Eric the Midget says:
February 14, 2008 18:33

Al B. Convicted?

Ass-Napkin Ed says:
February 14, 2008 18:36

Minister of Defense?

Erica. Been There. Hated it. says:
February 14, 2008 19:16

Wanting.

(Mike's "Lil Sheriff" is far less impressive than Jo Ann G's strap on...)

G.Jones says:
February 14, 2008 21:22

I don't have a suggestion for what Mikey should call the little guy, but I'm getting really tired of Dubya's repeated references to his Stimulus Package.

Mrs. Carona says:
February 14, 2008 22:48

Come out come out where ever you are.

Hans says:
February 15, 2008 08:55

Corona Condoms, for the dictator who won't pull out.

Eric 90740 says:
February 15, 2008 11:59

How about -- The Little Inmate?
Or, if Carona has a big cellmate -- The Little Bitch...?

Cesar says:
February 15, 2008 12:21

I LOVE it!!!! These nicknames are hilarious, indeed. Congrats to all of you creative thinkers... I hope this ass-wipe ends up doing time and getting his pendejo ass lathered up by not one, not two, but by the entire cell block...

Elizabeth says:
February 15, 2008 12:50

Caronita (the little Carona)

Jack Grimshaw says:
February 15, 2008 14:05

* The Carona Boner (Known From Sedona to Downtown Kona.)

* His Short Stiff Sentence

Anonymous says:
February 15, 2008 21:48

Lil' Baton

redperergine says:
February 16, 2008 11:41

Lompoker

D. Martini says:
February 16, 2008 13:14

The focus of Jack Anderson's attention

Frank Mickadeit says:
February 16, 2008 19:49

My breakfast, lunch and dinner when Mike Schroeder is out of town.

db says:
February 16, 2008 22:48

Little Con

FV says:
February 17, 2008 07:46

Believe me, I've seen it, ain't no way the turtle is coming out of the shell once in cellblock, if you can get what I'm saying!