Gustavo's Latest KCRW "Orange County Line": On the Kelly Thomas Verdict

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Your daily vomit
THE story in Southern California yesterday, of course, was the Kelly Thomas trial verdict, in which former Fullerton oinksters Manuel Ramos and Jay Cicinelli were found not guilty of beating Thomas to death. I appeared on two radio programs yesterday: The Tom Leykis Show and my usual Monday "Orange County Line" commentary for KCRW-FM 89.9. Guess on which one was I more measured?

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Can Orange County Register Columnists Stop Blowing Their New Owners Already?

I say this with all sincerity: I want newish Orange County Register owner Aaron Kushner's grand media experiment--invest in print and hire up instead of down--to succeed. Not only will it create a better daily in a county that desperately needs one, but it might also convince other newspaper owners to do the same. I have friends at the Reg, and I want them to have jobs five years from now.

Yet the love affair that Kushner and his columnists have for Kushner is becoming embarrassing. Kushner's adoration of his messianic self-reflection is evident to anyone who talks to him for just a second--but it's one thing to have a self-aggrandizing owner (the Weekly had the greatest of them all in Mike Lacey, a perpetually drunk mick who let the world know he was a perpetually drunk mick), quite another to have the owner allow his writers to continually pen valentines to him in print and online.

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Anaheim Cop Who Killed Joel Acevedo Also Involved in Police Killing of Man in 2009

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Click here for our Anaheim police shooting archives

As the Weekly reported earlier, Anaheim Police Department officers involved in back-to-back fatal shootings in July have already returned to active duty. Not missing a beat, the Orange County Register's resident bootlicker David Whiting (who favored Fullerton police over Kelly Thomas) just happened to go on a ride-along with one of them for his latest dispatch.

The columnist opens his article describing scenes from a recent Friday night in the city sitting in the back of a patrol car with gang investigator Kelly Phillips and Sgt. Juan Reveles. A red vehicle is driving erratically according to Whiting before being pulled over. The driver has his hands up and says 'Don't shoot!'

On this occasion, Phillips doesn't, but has, in high profile cases--twice.

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Orange County Register Columnist David Whiting Loves the Pepper Balls of Anaheim Police

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Click here for our Anaheim police shooting archives

Not surprisingly the Orange County Register's resident bootlicker David Whiting (who supported Fullerton police over Kelly Thomas) weighed in this morning on Tuesday's melee in Anaheim.  In his typically condescending tones, the star columnist of the Reg did his best to appear completely impartial about the event, which stemmed from last weekend's shooting of an unarmed resident, seemingly viewing the conflict from both sides. Fine for Whiting core geriatric readership, who read the Reg while taking their morning Metamusil, but a little scrutiny reveals an article heavy on platitudes about rebuilding bridges while dodging questions about the event's root causes--and trashing the residents affected by Anaheim police and laughing at those who are angry about it.

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OC Register Columnist David Whiting Gives Blowjob Review to New OC Church of Scientology

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When Orange County Register columnist David Whiting wrote solely about the outdoors, he was entertaining, informative, and offered a valuable perspective to county readers. But as the Reg's main columnist, he's what Moxley accurately, hilariously refers to as The Bootlicker--and he's being nice as to what part of the human anatomy Whiting likes to drag his tongue and hands across in the effort to please (or maim) his subjects.

His most infamous apologias center around the Fullerton police officers who beat Kelly Thomas to death (and the now-recalled councilmembers who loved them), but Whiting was more than happy to offer sloppy seconds yesterday to the Orange County Church of Scientology and their new Ideal Org in SanTana.

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Bootlicker Helps OC's Most Persecuted Minority Fight Racism

I'm not even going to try mimic Moxley's harlequin prose whenever he bothers with Orange County Register columnist Gordon Dillow, so here's the straight dope: Today, Bootlicker writes about Joe Labarrere of Brea, who visited Fresca's in the city and was offended that the mildest hot sauce was labeled "gringo." Labarrere was so perturbed that he actually lodged a complaint with the Orange County Human Relations Commission. The group—God bless their PC hearts—investigated the matter rather than telling Labarrere to go get a life. As a result, Fresca's in Brea no longer labels its mild salsa as "gringo."

"If we as a society are going to play the ethnic and racial sensitivity game as relentlessly as we do," Dillow harrumphs at the end of his column, "then everyone should get to play—white guys included."

The first problem here, of course, is that Labarrere (who is of French descent—important point to remember in the next sentence) is patronizing Fresca's, a chain only slightly less disgusting than Green Burrito. More importantly, "gringo" shouldn't offend Labarrere at all—now, if it was gabacho, he'd have more of a case.

But, as always, the onus of this idiotic episode falls on the Bootlicker. Oh, Dillow: will you ever not defend the gringo from...what, exactly? I understand you folks are majority-minority in the land of Nixon now, but still: WTF? Hey, gabachos: am I just a clueless Mexican, or is the gringo way of life really almost over?

Bootlicker Sees Visions in Jail Culture Report

Clutching a package of velvet lace to his chest, Bootlicker elbowed by an elderly lady to get first in the checkout line at Michaels arts and crafts shop. Time was of the essence. Thirty minutes earlier, the Orange County District Attorney’s office had released its “Investigative Report” on the beating death of an inmate in November 2006. Bootlicker grabbed the first copy, raced to his pickup truck and, as if God himself granted a special wish, watched as the report fell open to pages 25-26. The Orange County Register columnist, who’d spent his career fetishizing a violence-prone police state under the nom de plume Gordon Dillow, gasped. His spine shot erect. His self-styled “country” brain focused not on sentences but words: “lifeless body,” “protocol,” “the size,” “large scale,” “joint investigation,” “command,” and--oh-my-golly!--“homicide unit.” In his mind’s eye, the word “unit” grew larger and larger and larger until it was the only word he saw. Could a single word engulf a body and pulsate in hot pink? It felt that way. An appreciative Bootlicker closed his eyes, dropped a hand to his loins and imagined buttons popping—exploding in rapid fire, really—from a male motorcycle cop’s uniform shirt. Underneath, a soiled white T-shirt barely masked the officer’s firm nipples. Bootlicker imagined that the angry cop had just used his Billy Club on the face of a disrespectful, young man of color. A part of the Reg columnist suddenly tingled and then he grunted twice. He opened his eyes, sighed and drove to Michaels. A report this special would have to be wrapped in velvet lace.

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

Register Bootlicker Returns for Special Easter Sermon!

Squeezing a gun with both hands sent sensations racing down his spine to a semi-firm, half-inch point between his legs. Gordon Dillow (pictured, for illustration purposes, on his knees with the steel collar around his neck) wanted to moan--purr, really--like he did in the privacy of his home. But he'd been warned twice before about fondling weapons inside Orange County Register headquarters.

There was also the problem of his co-workers: in his mind, a bunch of unapologetic liberals, women, homosexuals, Jews and "gooks."** He knew they didn't sympathize with the depths of his love for men in uniform, weapons, badges, boots, steel neck collars and cop domination techniques--particularly ones performed on young brown people who haven't yet learned to quickly salute state authority.

Dillow's memory flashed to the time in the men's room when he had reached out to another Register employee in hopes of finding an ideological soul mate. The man flushed, called him a "sick douche bag" and stormed out. Weeks later the Pentagon's PR unit sent Dillow to Iraq under the ruse that he was an independent embedded journalist.

Men. Uniforms. Weapons. Heat. Torture. Dead civilians. He felt so blessed he tried to stay indefinitely.

But that was several years ago. Dillow gripped the gun tightly, squeezed his eyelids and recalled his favorite photograph: a smirking, erect Heinrich Himmler, dressed spectacularly in a Nazi uniform and surrounded by shirtless males ready to obey. He sighed and let his mind wonder about the possibility of a master race.

A tingling returned. He rolled his chair over to his office door, cracked it open slightly and saw David Whiting smiling at him affectionately. He quickly locked the door shut. Whiting's relentless fawning reminded him of Smithers on The Simpsons. He got Whiting out of his mind by thinking of Doogie Howser wearing a crisp doctor's uniform.

Deadline for his next column was 15 minutes away. What could he write about? Cops? Soldiers? Cop/soldiers? A coin flip wouldn't help.

His eyes searched his office in hopes of sparking an idea. A Donna Summer song played softly in the background. There--partially hidden underneath his prized copy of a My Lai massacre movie (actual footage!) and a stack of photographs he'd secretly taken of men entering an Army recruiting station in Stanton on successive Saturdays--he found inspiration: a Register crime story.

I'll let him tell describe his excitement:

"It happened earlier this month in Irvine," Dillow wrote for today's column. "Police were looking for a man suspected of raping an 18-year-old woman in her home. As the cops searched, the fleeing suspect, a 27-year-old L.A. gang member, tried to hide by breaking into another home. Inside, the homeowner, a man who had recently undergone defensive firearms training, heard the commotion, grabbed a handgun and confronted the suspect."

Men. Uniforms. Gun. Action.

Dillow swiveled repeatedly in his seat, purred and looked over his shoulder. Yes, the office door remained shut. In the distance he heard Tony Saavedra snoring through the afternoon, Frank Mickadeit bragging about his own popularity among Gulfstream Republican insiders and Martin Wisckol slowly repeating a series of orders from GOP boss Mike Schroeder. Even for Dillow, those noises were troublesome. He re-focused his attention on the rapist article.

"Well, I don't have enough space to go into all the Second Amendment arguments," he wrote. "But to me it's obvious that a homeowner in Irvine or any other law-abiding citizen has a constitutional right to have a firearm."

Dillow finished typing and smiled. His left hand dropped to his lap region. Nobody--not a single person on the entire planet--had argued that this homeowner wasn't legally entitled to possess a gun or use it in self-defense.

The 57-year-old columnist marveled at his ability to produce imaginary dilemmas.

And get paid!

For the first time since the California Supreme Court strengthened police secrecy and lethal force laws, Dillow laughed out loud, packed up and went to CVS to buy more hand lotion.

-- R. Scott Moxley / OC Weekly

**In a column, Dillow once admitted "there was a time when I called [Vietnamese] gooks without so much as a second thought." Repentant? Nope. Later, in 1999, he defended--imagine this!--caucasian police officers in Orange County's Little Saigon calling Vietnamese Americans "gooks."

The One Good Thing Gordon Dillow Ever Did

car.gifOver the weekend, Orange County Register columnist Gordon "Bootlicker" Dillow wrote some claptrap about the continuing controversy involving the proposed renaming of John Wayne Airport to something reflecting idiot Orange County television shows. But because the Reg is the Reg, that column isn't online despite it coming out yesterday...wait, I just found it after digging. Argh! Where were we? Ah, yes: in trying to find Dillow's most recent column, we stumbled upon a reminder of his one good cause over the years--urging veterans in 2002 to visit legendary cartoonist Bill Maudlin before he passed away in a Newport Beach retirement home. Last week, the Wall Street Journal ran an excerpt of Bill Maudlin: A Life Up Front, in which Dillow is given prominent, rightful play for promoting Maudlin in his final days. The book is out today--buy it, and remember the old adage about blind pigs and truffles.

Wednesday's Headlines & Surprises: My New Slogan For The Deputies!

  • Back the Badge, Support the Star, Empty your Wallet: Peggy Lowe at the Register watched “dozens of black-shirted deputies march through Civic Center Tuesday as the union went on a public offensive to rally support for their fight to preserve” an incredibly generous pay, perk and pension package. The message on the T-shirts worn by the deputies said, “Back the Badge, Support the Star.” Supervisor John Moorlach has put the boys in green into a tizzy because he thinks a 2001 pay deal the cop union won from his fellow Republican supervisors was a slimy, political move to placate a continually demanding bunch, a looming financial disaster for taxpayers and, yes, unconstitutional. In the past, supervisors have merely bent over and spread their cheeks the minute union leaders whined. But in Moorlach, the union faces a man who isn’t afraid to challenge conventional assumptions or dig into questionable union financial dealings. And he won't (at least so far) cave to threats--or even cute slogans. The deputies’ strong point is a good one: How can county officials renege on retirement plans relied upon especially by older officers? As usual, the deputies can’t figure out how to properly make their point, so they resort to aggression. It’s what they do best. On Monday, the deputies demonstrated their anger with Moorlach by refusing to transport inmates to the county’s numerous courthouses for trials. I doubt anyone--except inmates--really cared. Judges, who should have held the deputies in contempt of court, seemed to treat the day as a semi-vacation.
  • Asian Hotties Go To Jail: Two weeks ago, Irvine police began receiving complaints about the number of men pouring into a Villa Coronado apartment near Jamboree and the 405. Now KCBS-TV is reporting the arrest of three woman on felony pimping and prostitution charges: Kyung Ah Lee, 34; Hyun Jung Shin, 28; and Su Jin Park, 34.

    According to the report, the women used Craigslist to advertise their services. Men stopped leaving the apartment said they paid $160 for sex after reading the online ad which stated, “hottie Asian girls waiting for you . . . 1HR 160 roses for your good time . . . open 11 a.m. until 2 a.m.”

    District Attorney spokeswoman Susan Kang Schroeder added this tidbit: the ladies kept their condoms in a refrigerator container. How sadistic.

  • Like a Final Scene in Bonnie & Clyde: Santa Ana police “shot and killed the male driver of a sports utility vehicle at the conclusion of a 20-minute vehicle pursuit” near the Highway 55 and MacArthur Boulevard, reports Ryan Hammill. Cpl. Jose Gonzales told the Reg reporter that an earlier collision caused officers to open fire at the unnamed driver. Stephen Murray witnessed the mess. “About 12 police went toward the back of the Suburban shouting orders. After about a minute, they began shooting,” he told Hammill. About a minute? Must have been close to the afternoon shift breaktime. Money sentence in the story: Police refused to say whether the dead dude even had a gun or how many shots hit the man. The Reg also has a pic of the bullet-riddled SUV and a sheet-covered corpse.
  • Bootlicker is Back! Columnist Gordon Dillow quietly closed the door, lowered the shades and took a slow, appreciative whiff of the musky men’s locker room smell that permeates his Register office. He looked to make sure the door was locked and carefully--ever so carefully--retrieved one of his prized possessions from a secured box: an old Naval Academy yearbook loaded with pictures of athletic men in uniform. He studied the images and thoughts popped in his mind like: I bet his fella has a deep voice, big biceps and always votes Republican. It took everything in his power not to, well, you know. After about an hour, Dillow closed the book, closed his eyes and sighed. He’d once again found the inspiration for another gung-ho pro-soldier column.

    Yep, Gordo’s on a rampage because he thinks all Navy Seals were tainted when an alleged child molester in the news claimed he had been a Seal:

    It took just one two-minute phone call for me to determine that fugitive accused child molester Chester Stiles was never a Navy SEAL. So why did so many news organizations give the impression that he was? The answer, in my opinion, is simple: It's because some people are only too happy to portray American military men not as honorable warriors but as losers and thugs and criminals.

    Gordo, is there really a conspiracy of people portraying all American soldiers as “losers and thugs and criminals”? If so, show us. News reports said Stiles claimed to be a Seal. (He did, in fact, serve in the Navy.) I’m sure that if you claimed you are a journalist, some media outlets would carry that lie too.