Looking Back at 2008: The Ecstasy and the Irony

This is not a look back at disgraced Sheriff Mike Carona, the Little Sheriff, the Debs, the Little Debbie Snack, the Freeway Complex Fire, Rick Warren, Wiley Drake, any lantern-jawed preacher with the last name of Schuller, pedo-priests, the 241 toll road extension, Proposition 8, fluctuating gasoline prices, the mortgage meltdown or the havoc that phenomenon wreaked. No, these are 15 stories from 2008 that may have fallen through the cracks were it not for the wonders of online archives and slow news cycles.

 

carls-jr.jpg1) Anaheim burger magnate Carl Karcher died on Jan. 11. Ironically, his passing was not parlayed into a stupid commercial where a 909 reject/Paris Hilton/a backward-capped bro lovingly slaps/washes/ dribbles burger juice on the Carl's Junior founder's corpse.

 

2) Mensa escapee Dana Welch was arrested on May 22 for allegedly pointing a laser pointer at three commercial jets and a police helicopter. When asked why he did it, the 36-year-old Orange resident explained he was bored. Ironically, if you lived in Orange, you'd understand.

 

3) A member of the Scottish Parliament in July tried to get Glasgow Prestwick Airport renamed after Robert Burns in honor of the poet and lyricist, saying, "I remember flying into John Wayne Airport in Orange County, California, and the fact it was called John Wayne was a big tourist attraction. I don't see why we shouldn't exploit the Burns brand here in Scotland." Ironically, government officials passed, realizing, yeah, right, like Robert Burns was as culturally significant as John Wayne. As if!

 

 

4) Retired NFL placekicker Tony Zendejas was arrested in July on several counts in connection with the alleged drugging and raping of a woman at his San Dimas sports bar and Mexican restaurant. Ironically, the Yorba Linda resident had no such problem scoring when he was kicking for the Rams.

 

5) The Huntington Beach City Council voted unanimously in August to add seven cameras on the pier so Hollister clothing can beam "surf culture" images into their stores across the nation. Ironically, the street preacher next to the pier now has his crazy rants interrupted by women asking if their butts look too big in their bikinis.

 

6) The self-titled debut of Japanese Motors, featuring the unsurpassed greatness of Alex Knost, dropped this year. Ironically, I don't know who the hell Japanese Motors and Alex Knost are.

 

7) While touring a Beijing, China, jail this summer, Bob Miller of Orange County Bail Bonds had to explain to the police chief guide the American bail bond system. "There's no bail bond in China," the Chinese copper scoffed. "If I arrest you here, you stay here until I say you can go! . . . All people in jail are guilty, why would we let them go?" Ironically, an ORANGE COUNTY bail bondsman was surprised by such thinking among law enforcement.

 

8) Huntington Beach Police in September had to give back to 52-year-old trade show decorator Jim Spray the four ounces of pot and "chunk of hash" he had a doctor's note to possess for pain from a herniated disc. The HBPD already knew the drill; under court order in April they returned another compassionaite user's 30 grams of higher-end purple urkel and smoking pipes. Ironically, this now makes HBPD the county's top pot distributor.

 

9) Orange County Superior Court Judge Sheila Fell ruled in September that nude sunbathers at San Onofre State Beach's Trail 6 can only be cited for violating public decency laws if a private citizen complains--in essence upholding a look-the-other-way policy that had been in effect since 1979. Ironically, if you've seen the nudists who flock there you'd look the other way, too.

 

10) The Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles, or whatever they are called, end the season with 100 wins and the American League West crown before losing a playoff series (to Boston). Then, in the off season, the Halos lose Frankie "K-Rod" Rodriguez and Mark Teixeira. Ironically, none of this wipes the blank expression off manager Mike Scioscia's face.

 

11) An industry consultant tells Forbes magazine that Orange County may land the San Francisco, Buffalo or Minnesota National Football League teams in a couple seasons. Ironically, we have to offer our winningest professional sports franchise as compensation. No, silly, not the Angels or Ducks, Mater Dei.

 

12) The Orange County Register and Los Angeles Times/Orange County edition cap a year of consistent staff reductions with Draconian cuts in October. Ironically, we at the Weekly take devilish delight in this ... until our own layoffs this week (sniff-sniff).

 

13) Orange County is named the ninth riskiest place in the United States for a home loan. Ironically, you could still take comfort in the county being only the sixth most expensive place in the United States to rent housing.

 

14) While O.J. Simpson was off getting imprisoned (finally), the late Johnnie Cochran's law firm was retained in November by the family of a man wrongfully shot to death by Anaheim police in his front yard. Ironically, the if-the-mistakenly-fired-bullet-don't-fit-you-must-acquit defense probably won't work. Then again, these are OC courts ...

 

15) The American Civil Liberties Union sued the city of Laguna Beach on Dec. 23 for its "unlawful and inhumane policy of harassing and intimidating homeless people." Ironically, this is a town whose signature symbol is the eccentric, homeless-looking Greeter of Laguna Beach.

 


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