Let's Give the Nissan cube the New Old College Try
The cube is a car. It looks like a boxier Toyota Scion. Like the Scion, it is meant to appeal to young drivers who have no use for your rounded corners, sports-car looks or capital letters, maaaan!
Heath has obviously taken a long beer-bong gulp from Nissan Springs.
"This versitile, hip and technologically advanced subcompact will be marketed primarily towards college-aged youth such as myself," she writes. "Consequently, it is crucial that our team generates as much pre-launch buzz as possible in order to most effectively reach our target audience."
Crucial . . . pre-launch buzz . . . effectively reach our target audience. WTF?!? It's bad enough the a big corporation like Nissan has college kids whoring out their products on the cheap. But to get them repeating their adver-babble is . . . well . . . whatever happened to toga parties, panty raids and sleeping through 8 o'clock classes?
But wait, there's more.
"With that said, I was asked to contact you in regards to pitching the idea of featuring a press release for the Nissan cube in your publication," Heath writes. "Your paper typically reaches the hip and young professional demographic so this would be a beneficial opportunity for our team to reach our target audience first hand."
Whoa, whoa, your paper typically reaches the hip and young professional demographic? You mean, the kids dig what we iz laying down? That changes everything.
Fer shizzle my nizzles! This is DJ Cokehead comin' atcha with the 420 on 5150s in the real, real O.C., aaaiiight? I want all my homies and Lisas to check out the cube from my peeps at Nissan, or as I like to lay it down, Nizzshizzle Zanizzle, see ut I'ze sayin'? With $2,500 of cake, my main G's and beeotches at Cal State-izzle Fullertonizzle are mershing hard yo to get 18 to 20 year old hot messes into the stylin', engineericatin' and lifestyle-itatin' of the all new Nissan cube. Word up! Nah, lookie here: don't try to capitalize cube, fool, lest you be gellin' for your great-grand daddy's Buick or sumptin,' see ut I'ze sayin'?