Irvine and Mission Viejo Shoot It Out Over Which Is Safer

​For five straight years, Irvine has billed itself as "America's Safest City," but new FBI rankings show it's not even the safest city in Orange County.

This leads to an obvious question:

What's your problem with Irvine, FBI?

Colonie and Amherst, both in New York state, are numbers 1 and 2 respectively on the bureau's 2009 City Crime Rate Rankings.

At No. 3? Mission Viejo.

In your face, Irvine!

Irvine comes in fourth, while Lake Forest is the third Orange County city to crack the Top 10 at No. 10.

Wait a sec: Lake Forest? Home of all those crime-creating marijuana dispensaries? Oh, don't fret, Irvine, this list is surely flawed. For everyone knows the pot is a gateway drug to serial killing.

Speaking of The Simpsons, remember when each Flanders family member recited their preferred ice cream flavor and Ned's wife answered, "Unflavored for me"?

Unflavored perfectly describes Mission Viejo, Irvine and Lake Forest.