Dopey Mall Cops: Enough With the Dopey Mall Cop Movies

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With Observe and Report opening in cineplexes everywhere Friday and Paul Blart: Mall Cop still flashing on second-run screens nearby, the vice president of AlliedBarton Security Services ("America's leading physical security company with over 50,000 employees nationwide") has penned an opinion piece offered to the Weekly titled, "Retail Security Officers Deserve Respect Not Guffaws."

Contract cops of the world unite!

"While audiences loved Mall Cop and will likely line up to see the upcoming Observe and Report (in theaters this weekend) starring Seth Rogan, real world contract security companies who serve malls, see more fiction than fact in these comic portrayals," writes Tom Walton.

"How does the reality of life as a retail security officer compare with what is depicted in these comedies? These movies provide some light-hearted fun and entertainment, but in no way personify the real world of mall security officers on the job," Walton continues. "These hard-working, highly trained men and women are our country's first responders who have a wide range of skills--from the sensitivity to deal with lost children to the ability to respond to and effectively address law enforcement incidents."

That's right, people, these are the brave heroes who tail minority kids, immediately get auto locksmiths on the horn and can point out restroom locations in every direction--all in one $9-per-hour shift.

Maybe I'm minimizing this vital career?

"Security officers," informs Walton, "are often put in high-risk situations as they confront and detain criminals engaged in theft, trespassing, gang activity and every other manner of unlawful behavior that occurs where thousands of consumers congregate on a daily basis."

Keen insights, for sure, but what Tom Walton deserves the most credit for is providing the title of the next madcap mall cop comedy: Confront and Detain. I see Rob Schneider in the lead . . .

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