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​ Nothing to See Here Folks. . . . Seriously, You Don't Want to Look This call came in around 1:10 p.m. concerning activities near the corner of Aliso Creek Road and Enterprise in Aliso Viejo: Two women in their late 80s (!) making out in a black convertible and lifting their shirts. And that's when the heavy bass kicked in: BOWM-CHICKA, BOWM-BOWMMM . . .   Grammy, you told me you were going to water aerobics! (Hat tip to the Orange County Register for keeping tabs on their frisky readership.)

Real Cut-Up A man was walking near McFadden Avenue and Sullivan Street in Santa Ana, where two men came up, one placed a knife to his neck and the other swiped his wallet containing $8 American. They took off, and the victim, who was sliced in the process, headed to a local hospital for treatment of cuts to his hand and the side of the neck. Police got the call to come over and check him out around 2 a.m. No description was offered of the robbers.

Courtesy of Orange County Sheriff's Department

Tracy Lamont Kendall

​And Now For Arrests From Previous Crime Times Remember the CVS Phamacy ATM machine in Mission Viejo that was yanked out on Nov. 10 with the help of a blue pickup truck that then led authorities on a high-speed chase that ended in Carlsbad? Four men were originally sought, but only two were arrested: Tracy Lamont Kendall, 41, and Darrell Rene Flynt, 55, both of the San Diego area. And, do you recall the woman was said she was kidnapped from the streets of Santa Ana on Oct. 13, taken to Anaheim where she was raped by several men and then dropped off the next day by the 5 freeway? Lori Christina Armstrong, 29, of Garden Grove, was since charged with a misdemeanor count of falsely reporting a crime.

THURSDAY, NOV. 12

This Is Why You Don't Leave Mama After drinking at Mama Franz near Edinger Avenue and Fairview Street in Santa Ana, a 28-year-old man says he was walking home when a vehicle pulled up and shots were fired at him. The drive-by ride sped off, and the man knocked on the door of a home in the 2600 block of West Edinger around 3 a.m. seeking help in light of his gunshot wounds. When officers arrived, the unidentified man was sitting in the front yard of the residence, and he appeared to be drunk, sayeth the police report. He was taken to a local hospital for treatment of gunshot wounds to his upper chest, but police were confident he'd make it. Again, no suspect info was provided.

Wild Night in Gang-Injunctionville Orange police were called around 7 p.m. to a "gang-injunction neighborhood" near Highland Street and Grove Avenue to investigate a shooting. They found not only that but a stabbing as well. First, a teenager was stabbed in the "Orange County Criminals gang" injunction area. (Wonder if that's what it's called in the real estate fliers? "This next charmer has soaring vaulted ceilings, hardwood floors throughout, a detached garage, bullets flying through the double-pane windows at all hours of the day and unique, colorful artwork on all common area block walls.") About a half hour after the stabbing, a man fired two shots at a rival gang member walking down the street, although no one was struck. Or was it a member of the Orange Varrio Cypress gang taking aim at one of the Orange County Criminals? It's all so very confusing. You fellas should wear different-colored jerseys to make it easier on those of us keeping score. Police characterized this as one of those classic gang-on-gang crime/retaliation deals. Three people were ultimately arrested in connection with the stabbing, the teen stabbed was expected to make a full recovery and no one in the whole bloody mess was indentified. Gang-supression detectives were still seeking the shooters as this was being banged out.

FRIDAY, NOV. 13

It Would Have Been a Messy, Nutritous Bomb After police received calls that a bomb would go off at Arbor Surgical Technologies, 22 Morgan in Irvine, they discovered that a man who was let go from there last year had been seen around 2:30 p.m. placing a melon with wires protruding from it in the parking lot there. James Nguy, 41, of Garden Grove, was later tracked to a friend's home and arrested on suspicion of placing a false bomb at a business. 

SATURDAY, NOV. 14

Nice Try, Vandals, But It Didn't Stop Classes From Resuming Monday Morning Some time in the early morning hours, someone broke six or seven windows on two classrooms at San Clemente High School.

Hey, Orange: Fullertons Got [Alleged] Gang-Bangin', Too After two men in a vehicle drove by a bus stop at Commonwealth and Thompson avenues in Fullerton and exchanged words with a 23-year-old San Bernardino man around 10:30 a.m, one man got out of the vehicle, the other stayed inside and the Berdoo guy was stabbed muliple times in the chest. He was rushed to UCI Medical Center in Orange, where he was listed in critical condition after surgery. Jesisahi Hernandez, 18, of Anaheim, was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon in what police describe as a gang-motivated stabbing. The other guy was described as Latino, 16 to 17 years old, 5 feet 5, with black hair cut in a military-style and last seen wearing a white T-shirt. He and the weapon remained at large.

SUNDAY, NOV. 15

Have Crowbar, Will Travel A Lake Forest resident near Trabuco Road and Cherry Avenue called sheriff's deputies after hearing a loud commotion and seeing a dark-colored station wagon zoom off around 2 a.m. Deputies arrived to discover 10 mailboxes had been destroyed. They also discovered shortly thereafter a vehicle matching the wagon's description at the Carl's Jr. at El Toro Road and Muirlands Boulevard. And inside was a crowbar believed to have been used to smash the mailboxes. Two 17-year-olds, no doubt with disgusting $6 burger juice all over their faces (hey, they fit Carl's demographic), were arrested for allegedly having inflicted $2,000 in damage before facing the worst punishment of all: being released to their parents. Or, these days, that's probably not punishment at all.

Park and Rob A couple--a man and a woman in their 20s, not heat-seeking, same-sex octogenarians--were sitting in a car at Borno Koral Park, 900 W. MacArthur Blvd., Santa Ana, with their shirts and blouses firmly on around 11 p.m. when a man with a black bandanna over his face strolled up. He pointed a handgun at them and demanded they hand everything over. The bandit got away with a wallet, a purse, cash and a cell phone before he was seen heading east on MacArthur in a silver sedan. He was described as 5 foot 7 with a heavy build and wearing dark clothing.

MONDAY, NOV. 16

Now With Double the Bomb Threats  About 100 people were evacuated from the 900 block of North Main Street in Santa Ana that includes the Orange County Probation Office thanks to two bomb threats being called in. After the Sheriff's Department bomb squad brought in its robot, officers and bomb-sniffing dog to check the building, it was cleared and everyone was sent back to work.