Photo by Christopher Victorio

The one, the only, the 256th Ryan Succop.

If you were out at Newport Dunes last evening and heard a lot of, "S'up, Succop?" that probably was not from someone suffering from uncurable hiccups but greeting the Man of the Hour, whose last name is pronounced "suck up," as in Ryan Succop, who was honored as Mr. Irrelevant XXXIV for being the 256th and final pick in the last NFL draft.

Actually, I don't know if anyone actually said "S'up, Succop?" "Hit the floor, do 20 and Succop, mister!" or even "Ryan, you're such a Succop for taking part in this demeaning event" because I was not there. But photographer Christopher Victorio was present, documenting the event in an NFL Films-worthy slideshow, complete with helpful captions that have made it possible to do some Tuesday afternoon quarterbacking of the action.

Read the play-by-play after the jump in your best Howard Cossel voice . . .
Ryan Succop, the No. 2 scorer in University of South Carolina history, is greeted by a crowd of what appear to be underage girls who must number in the dozen. . . . Succop, who was picked dead last by Kansas City, wears a Chiefs jersey emblazoned with his number in the draft: 256. . . . He arrives via what appears to be one of those gondolas that glide around Newport Harbor, Huntington Harbour and Naples. . . . He is apparently greeted by "Pocahontas," who then rides off on her horse Felix, something that did not make sense at first. Think about what some consider the culturally insensitve name of the NFL team and it'll start to make some sense. At least no one gave him big heap wampum with his peace pipe in a tee-pee. . . . Succop surveys the scene instead from a high lifeguard chair. . . . Among those watching is Katie Bolt, in full American Indian chief headdress (see previous explanation). . . . Los Alamitos High School song girls cheer for Mr. I. . . . He is also lavished with gifts, including a Los Angeles of Up Harbor Boulevard in Anaheim Actually Angels jersey, not with the number 256 but 14, the average age of those song girls. I'll leave it to Letterman make a joke of that. . . . Others watching include Succop's girlfriend and parents. . . . Newport Beach Fire Department personnel tailgate by grilling up hot dogs and halibut (trying getting that fresh in Kansas City. HA!). . . . Mr. Irrelevant founder and die-hard Trojan Paul Salata whips out his dinner-show routine, pretty much unchanged (except for the names of the Mr. Irrelevants) for 34 years.

The week of festivities continue with the All-Star Lowsman Trophy Banquet Wednesday at the Newport Beach Marriott Hotel, where individual tickets will be $100 and tables will set you back from $2,500 to $10,000 depending on how far away from the action you want to be. There's a "Succop the Surf Party" Thursday morning at 30th Street in Newport Beach before the fun comes to an end after "Succop Some Cocktails" at Malarky's that afternoon. If you'd like to join in, phone (949) 263-0727.