25 Reasons Why Orange County Will Always Kick LA's Ass

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Photo from the Ed Carrrasco Archives
With honeys like this, who needs LA?
It's been more than a year now since my "50 Reasons Why Orange County is the Worst Effing Place in America" listicle scandalized so many, and I still get crap for it. I'll always stand by it, because everything in it was true. But to the haters, I offer this olive branch: at least we're not Los Angeles.

LA: land of self-important aggrandizers since the days that Iowans were invading the parks of Long Beach and Okies were beating up all the native minorities. Place of perpetually clogged freeways, of eternally vain people who must always look down upon us, their former colony, as a place of no culture, no diversity, and no good places to eat--otherwise known as Silver Lake. Or is it Venice? Or Los Feliz? Or Reseda? It's all one formless, bearded blob of pendejos.

Okay, we kid. We like LA--Thai Town is not without its charms. And I did graduate from UCLA, so there's that. But OC will always kick LA's ass, in matters historical and political, aesthetic and hot chicks, so behold 25 scientific reasons--in no particular order--why we rule and BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA! Enjoy, and pass it on!

See also:

25. Accessible Beaches.

sunset-beach-map-550.jpg

Sure, we don't have water as clear as Hawaii, but virtually all of our shore--give or take a couple of Emerald Bay and Headlands assholes--is available to the public, with amazing waves in Huntington Beach, pretty coves in Laguna, beach bunnies in Balboa, jarheads down in San Clemente, and relative serenity in Seal Beach. Los Angeles, on the other hand, can count on toxic waters from Long Beach through Pedro, class warfare from Malibu through Pacific Palisades and the entirety of the Palos Verdes Peninsula. What's left, from Redondo Beach through Santa Monica, is bro-tastic/tourist hell that makes HB seem as bucolic as Thousand Steps.

24. We Love Long Beach More

Long-Beach-Airport_wikipedia-commons.jpg
Wikipedia Commons
Who needs LAX when we have Long Beach Airport?

Whereas LA barely bothers with the port city, we have colonized the LBC for ourselves, showing LA doesn't appreciate a good thing. Also: see Artesia, Cerritos, Diamond Bar, and Whittier.

23. LA's Arbiters of Musical and Food Tastes are OC Boys

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Photo by Christopher Victorio
Zach will always deny his OC roots; we'll always remind him

Two men who fundamentally changed the way Los Angeles thinks about itself in terms of food and music--Roy Choi with his Kogi BBQ luxe lonchera, and Zach Zack de la Rocha of Rage Against the Machine--spent their formative years in Orange County: Choi graduated from Villa Park High, de la Rocha from University High in Irvine. Yeah, they ran kicking and screaming away from us the minute they could (and Gwen Stefani, too, so don't bother pointing that out), but they wouldn't have been the pioneers they are today without us disgusting them so much that they vowed to change the world.

22. LA's Ultimate Sports Heroes Live in OC
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Kobe with his wife, Fullerton native Vanessa Laine Bryant

And two other men who have defined success for Los Angeles' premier sports teams--Tommy Lasorda for the Los Angeles Dodgers, Kobe Bryant for the Los Angeles Lakers--have lived almost the entirety of their Southern California lives in OC; Lasorda in the Sunny Hills neighborhood of Fullerton (where he's a legendary asshole), and Kobe in Newport Coast. Even Magic Johnson has a home in Dana Point. And don't bother pointing out that Anaheim Angels skipper Mike Scioscia lives in the San Fernando Valley; we know that, and also know he's a Dodgers first and foremost, so y'all can keep him.

21. Better Freeways

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Okay, maybe not the 91...

You know that moment of relief when you pass Valley View on the south 5 and it opens up into a wide, modern freeway? Yeah, that.


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217 comments
allison.k
allison.k

Bragging about Richard Nixon? He brought shame to every place he ever lived in. No one is impressed with Nixon.

Bob Santoro
Bob Santoro

I've in lived in LA County, OC and San Diego County, and imho SD>OC>LA...SD has cleaner air, and a NFL team as well as MLB team.

Eric Potts
Eric Potts

I can't believe you saw my comment on this Brian Ostlind

Brian Ostlind
Brian Ostlind

Didn't read article. LA > OC. Sorry OC weekly.

Eric Ansel
Eric Ansel

This is the reason I moved from Southern California. Who ever wrote this article is a moron.

Mike MacDuffee
Mike MacDuffee

The only time these crappy list articles are worth looking at are when each of the numbers are just pics of half naked betties. This is not the case.

Dane Lenon
Dane Lenon

Everything about this article is what makes orange county lame...

Ralph R. Espalin
Ralph R. Espalin

Typical media bait and everybody here bit the hook. This thread is just another war starting propaganda fueled bone that our real enemy tosses out to try and make us hate ourselves. C'mon people. Undertand this for what it really is. Unidos por favor!

ted.mendez
ted.mendez

Pretty silly. A thinly veiled attempt at provocation...except the part about better Mexicans. Yes! For sure, that's correct. But really, anybody who gets excited or annoyed by this is a sucker.

Ro Ar
Ro Ar

ROFL, yeah sure whatever you guys say.

gabi.montoya
gabi.montoya

f*ck vanguard. Yeah, it's a better education than biola, but f*ck that place. And also the conservatism here is insane. I see no sexual liberation. 

Eric Geller
Eric Geller

Orange County IS Los Angeles' ASS!!!

Ramon Carbajal Jr.
Ramon Carbajal Jr.

I'm from la and i say oc is overall better. I get to keep more of my spending $

Davinsky Diaz
Davinsky Diaz

Wtf is up with the Klan members at #1 hahahahaha

Rory Odell
Rory Odell

The chicks face on the cover of the this web article ain't too hot btw come on oc represent something better than that lol

helenclare61
helenclare61

And there are plenty of MILFS in the Hollywood Hills, Beverly Hills, Bel Air, Brentwood, Palisades, and Malibu that make anything from the O. C. look like inbred mutants.

Also, the center of the porn industry has always been the Valley. After all, Vivid Entertainments offices are on Cahuenga. So go choke on that one too.

helenclare61
helenclare61

Fabulous! You have Muerto Mouse Land and Boysenberry Ville. L.A. actually has real cultural institutions such as LACMA, MOCA, The Getty Center, The Getty Villa, and pretty much all of the musical institutions worth a damn in the Southland. Elsewhere in L. A. County, there is the Norton Simon, the Pacific Asia Museum, Descanso Gardens, the Arboretum, The Huntington, and in Long Beach-the Museum of Latin American Art.

Speaking of restaurants and fast food- In N Out is an L. A. created institution.

So go choke on all of your uncultured buns!

Dorian Jones
Dorian Jones

And like I said before... Suburbs don't lick the big city's "ass". L.A. is a world class city and basically the OC cities are something of an extension. And calling the Ducks the Anaheim Ducks is about as dumb as the Inglewood Lakers/Kings when they played at the Forum. If they had called it Inglewood instead of L.A. it should be the L.A. Ducks. Also, narcissism is bad in Malibu as it is in Newport yada yada. You know, I don't hear DuPage or Will Counties trying to compete with Chicago and Cook County. No. When go out of town, they take pride on being from the Chicago area. OC people need to wake up.

Mark Duarte
Mark Duarte

And yet OC still has to define itself by LA standards.

LongBeachDontWantYa
LongBeachDontWantYa

LB doesn't want or need to be claimed by OC. Get your street cred somewhere else!!!!

STOPTHERECONQUISTA
STOPTHERECONQUISTA

The premier promoters of the L.A. techno underground scene in 1988-1993 were primarily from the OC. EAT THAT L.A. you had the abandoned warehouses....but we had the brains, talent, records, sound systems and Technics SL1200s. 

tongue_twister_for_t
tongue_twister_for_t topcommenter

have you noticed that there are no replys back from Gus in this whole thread, so case in point taken.

Would Will Swaim not be proud?

tongue_twister_for_t
tongue_twister_for_t topcommenter

Not only that Gus has a strong refusal to not contact people back and he's been lambasted for it before.

Richard Jacquez
Richard Jacquez

LA is and always will be better..All the OC people have coming out to LA for decades. People from LA have their own beaches. Anaheim is just like LA, copy cats..Hahaha

Victor Flores
Victor Flores

your famous, can i have your autograph? lol nice

Michael Snider
Michael Snider

Knotts Berry Farm was the first amusement park in the country? Ever heard of Coney Island?

Cyndi Grande
Cyndi Grande

Capri Berlin Again??? They love ya lil mama

Laura M Esquivel
Laura M Esquivel

What Ali said, not to mention this is a tasteless (sexist) picture for any article.

Fleoo Calavera
Fleoo Calavera

I have lived in So. Cal most of my life, and there are few places i have to worry about running into packs of skinheads, one is in the back country/mountains, the other is in Orange County. Only place i hear people say thinkg like "oh yah that neighborhood used to be nice now it is full of stinking beaners like GuadaLAHabra or Santa Flush... yah OC great place to be brown.

Fleoo Calavera
Fleoo Calavera

You made the comparison saying one is better he pointed out one reason you are wrong... museums v racist tourist traps ie: DISNEYLAND!

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