25 Reasons Why Orange County Will Always Kick LA's Ass

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Photo from the Ed Carrrasco Archives
With honeys like this, who needs LA?
It's been more than a year now since my "50 Reasons Why Orange County is the Worst Effing Place in America" listicle scandalized so many, and I still get crap for it. I'll always stand by it, because everything in it was true. But to the haters, I offer this olive branch: at least we're not Los Angeles.

LA: land of self-important aggrandizers since the days that Iowans were invading the parks of Long Beach and Okies were beating up all the native minorities. Place of perpetually clogged freeways, of eternally vain people who must always look down upon us, their former colony, as a place of no culture, no diversity, and no good places to eat--otherwise known as Silver Lake. Or is it Venice? Or Los Feliz? Or Reseda? It's all one formless, bearded blob of pendejos.

Okay, we kid. We like LA--Thai Town is not without its charms. And I did graduate from UCLA, so there's that. But OC will always kick LA's ass, in matters historical and political, aesthetic and hot chicks, so behold 25 scientific reasons--in no particular order--why we rule and BEAT LA! BEAT LA! BEAT LA! Enjoy, and pass it on!

See also:

25. Accessible Beaches.

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Sure, we don't have water as clear as Hawaii, but virtually all of our shore--give or take a couple of Emerald Bay and Headlands assholes--is available to the public, with amazing waves in Huntington Beach, pretty coves in Laguna, beach bunnies in Balboa, jarheads down in San Clemente, and relative serenity in Seal Beach. Los Angeles, on the other hand, can count on toxic waters from Long Beach through Pedro, class warfare from Malibu through Pacific Palisades and the entirety of the Palos Verdes Peninsula. What's left, from Redondo Beach through Santa Monica, is bro-tastic/tourist hell that makes HB seem as bucolic as Thousand Steps.

24. We Love Long Beach More

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Wikipedia Commons
Who needs LAX when we have Long Beach Airport?

Whereas LA barely bothers with the port city, we have colonized the LBC for ourselves, showing LA doesn't appreciate a good thing. Also: see Artesia, Cerritos, Diamond Bar, and Whittier.

23. LA's Arbiters of Musical and Food Tastes are OC Boys

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Photo by Christopher Victorio
Zach will always deny his OC roots; we'll always remind him

Two men who fundamentally changed the way Los Angeles thinks about itself in terms of food and music--Roy Choi with his Kogi BBQ luxe lonchera, and Zach Zack de la Rocha of Rage Against the Machine--spent their formative years in Orange County: Choi graduated from Villa Park High, de la Rocha from University High in Irvine. Yeah, they ran kicking and screaming away from us the minute they could (and Gwen Stefani, too, so don't bother pointing that out), but they wouldn't have been the pioneers they are today without us disgusting them so much that they vowed to change the world.

22. LA's Ultimate Sports Heroes Live in OC
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Kobe with his wife, Fullerton native Vanessa Laine Bryant

And two other men who have defined success for Los Angeles' premier sports teams--Tommy Lasorda for the Los Angeles Dodgers, Kobe Bryant for the Los Angeles Lakers--have lived almost the entirety of their Southern California lives in OC; Lasorda in the Sunny Hills neighborhood of Fullerton (where he's a legendary asshole), and Kobe in Newport Coast. Even Magic Johnson has a home in Dana Point. And don't bother pointing out that Anaheim Angels skipper Mike Scioscia lives in the San Fernando Valley; we know that, and also know he's a Dodgers first and foremost, so y'all can keep him.

21. Better Freeways

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Okay, maybe not the 91...

You know that moment of relief when you pass Valley View on the south 5 and it opens up into a wide, modern freeway? Yeah, that.


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313 comments
jacobbarrios
jacobbarrios

I've lived in both counties. Orange is a lot quieter, a lot cleaner, and just an overall better place to raise your kids I'd say. However I can also say it's horribly racist, and extremely lacking in any culture or diversity, with the exception of Santa Ana. LA on the other hand just has a lot more going on, more exciting, and MUCH more culture. If you can handle the traffic, and worrying about getting car jacked driving through the hood to get to your destination then it may be for you.  

sumiallen
sumiallen

L.A. County has 8 known schools.  Orange county has UC...Irvine.  

YAY!  

ONE school.  

Even San Dizzie DiGiDiEggO County has 5 Universities.  

Laguna is nice.  


The trouble with LA is the crime, the gangs.... OC is a haven for people who just don't want to put up with the crime in L.A..  

Orange county MIGHT be okay to raise your kids.  

But i can't stand looking at these pruned Zonies con jobs scamming everyone to "live the dream" or inland tweaker trash.

If the crime rate and stupid crap left LA, LA would dominate.  

169 dialects are spoken in L.A. ---already it looks a million times better than the pruned Zonie con jobs and inland tweakers.  The Lakers has 4 races, Dodgers team has 4 races- there's an "ART district".... HEALTHY food options EVERYWHERE (because entertainers are vein, yes that IS good for your health)....The Bangladeshi grocer is down the street from the Korean grocer...i'll go on all day with this train of thought.  

ARTS district, FABRIC district- holy moly momma mia!  

Crafts and sewing is porn for women.  Michael Levine...just right by a fashion school.

Orange County is a nice burb with some annoying people (again ref: fake con artist prunes from Arizona and inland tweakers)

Kimberly Duran
Kimberly Duran

Ha keep believing that. Fuck south oc. Usually crimes down there are fucking psychos. Keep living in your bubble. Oc wishes they were LA, keep living In there shadow

Erik M. Rivera
Erik M. Rivera

Not in South OC. And the crime that does happen is usually committed by an outsider.

Erik M. Rivera
Erik M. Rivera

So stay in LA, and don't read OC Weekly. Problem solved ;)

David Clay
David Clay

I feel sad for Gustavo Arellano. I used to enjoy your columns, but you've become mass media put down artist for years now. Shame on you. End the negativity!

Eric Ramos
Eric Ramos

To the OC cheerleader trolling each post... move to LA before you judge #moron

Eric Ramos
Eric Ramos

Some kook (Gustavo Arellano) got his ass handed to him in LA. Stay the fck in Orange Cty, puto!

Joel White
Joel White

You should've mentioned how we won a Stanley Cup first to piss off all these Queens fans.

Krish Wooding
Krish Wooding

LA is full of hipsters and homeless people. Pretty cool

Grayson Fowler
Grayson Fowler

Fuck all you haters ! Expansion team by fucking Disney lol , "that's tough "ha ha . I was born with skates on , laced up for LA before Anislime even had a team , jump on the ban wagon ! Marty Mcsorley was still around he would bust your fat beak ! Quack quack don't fuck with Royalty !

Christopher Marc Hubbard
Christopher Marc Hubbard

you had me until you said (apparently with a straight face) that nixon > reagan. au contraire oc weekly. au contraire.

Alex Diez
Alex Diez

Ahh Orange County... \U0001f3b6"Sub-urb of LA! You're just a sub-urb of LA!"\U0001f3b6

Isaac Menchaca
Isaac Menchaca

LA doesn't have to make lists like this about orange county to make itself feel better about it's position in the world.

Joaquin Gaitán
Joaquin Gaitán

I love how you pick and chose when to use LA City and LA County. Example: To use the beaches as a negative you include all the coastal cities in the county, to argue that OC colleges are better you say CalTech is Pasadena, which is still LA County

Christopher B DeMonbrun PE
Christopher B DeMonbrun PE

Sir, you are a wordsmith. The way you rhyme such complex words like die and fly is truly astounding. I see your point. You are correct and my statement is invalid.

Paul Minick
Paul Minick

Fcuk the Ducks. LA Kings all Motherfcuking day bitch!

Joshua Alexander
Joshua Alexander

Since i moved to Texucks.. I even miss L.A .. But miss Home more... OC! STOP FIGHTING OVER IT. You are all lucky to be in California.. Best state in the US.

Eric Ridenour
Eric Ridenour

In other words, you have a mock list of why Orange County is still shittier than Los Angeles. Oh, and long beach hates you, you suck, stop claiming it, you shithole county.

Frank Lares
Frank Lares

It will take an entire county vs. a city. Lol.

Vanara Ly
Vanara Ly

Orange county will always be in the shadows of Los Angeles

Anthony Peezee
Anthony Peezee

You say Compton, I say Santa Ana. I say Beverly Hills, you say Newport Beach. I say Dodgers, you say Angels. I say Lakers, you say Mater Dei HS boys basketball???

Michelle Lau Reynoso
Michelle Lau Reynoso

It took the Kings HOW many years to earn the Cup? Give the Ducks 22 years to earn our 2nd.

ssoeffner0
ssoeffner0

Great job at creating dissent in both counties Gustavo. No news to report so you have to make stuff up? You use a photo of the LA Kings vs. the Anaheim Ducks, yet you fail to place them anywhere in this article. This just a sad attempt by the OC Register trying to stay relevant any way possible. They had to use an over opinionated and uneducated bloggers to have a social media presence. This article is nothing more than social media diarrhea.

Gabby Tothemile
Gabby Tothemile

Grew up in the OC and now work in LA....neither is good, both have terrible in my book. So glad and very happy to call Long Beach home...I get to enjoy the best of both counties by being in the middle!!

Bill Gurney
Bill Gurney

< <<<< Kings Two Stanley Cups!!!!!!! Love the OCWeekly. Keep up the good work.

Pascale McCafferty
Pascale McCafferty

LA is dirtier and more crowded but the diversity and culture more than make up for it. OC is bland and may have prettier beaches but the ugly racist attitudes filthy up the atmosphere. I can't wait to move out of here back to LA.

Dingo Core
Dingo Core

And kings fans suck so bad they have to use acronyms for cheering.

Johnny Kd
Johnny Kd

Cool. Enjoy the crime, smog and traffic

Johnny Kd
Johnny Kd

La is just a bigger dirtier and more crowded oc

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