Ten OC Girls You've Probably Dated

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How many tribes you think this Undie runner belongs to or will?
Photo by Christopher Victorio
You live here in Orange County long enough, you realize that even in this wildly diverse county of ours, all the chicks are virtually the same. Oh, they'll come in different sizes, income brackets, and levels of prettiness, but our ladies seem to gravitate toward particular tribes, with membership frequently bleeding into each other like Chapman University sorority girls come Undie Run. And if you're a swinging young man, you'll have encountered at least some of these women during your conquests. Hell, I was never a swinging man, and I dated women that belonged to more than half of this list. Anyhoo, let the cavalcade of cuties commence! And, yes, gals: we'll have a "Ten OC Guys You've Probably Dated" posthaste


10. The Girl Who Wants to Get the Hell Out of Orange County

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Exhibit #1

She's smart, funny, creative, wonderful, gorgeous, liberal--and she's trying her damndest to get the hell out of the hellhole in which she grew up, whether that means going to college out of state or moving to Long Beach/San Francisco/Austin/NYC/Anywhere Not Named Orange County, California. This brain drain has afflicted us for nearly 50 years, and you won't see her again until she's firmly settled somewhere better, doing amazing things, having the time of her life and wondering how pathetic you could be to decide to stay in OC.

9. The Christian

She could be Catholic, or Mormon, but she's most likely an evangelical from one of the Calvary Chapels, or Saddleback, or Mariner's or Eastside Christian or even Newsong. Follows Rick Warren on Twitter, voted for Proposition 8, attended Fishfest with her office mates, serves as a counselor at Christian camp every summer--yet fell for your heathen ass. Regardless of her creed, she will not put out--until she does.

8. The Gold-Digger

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Photo by John Gilhooley

She's the gorgeous gal that will only date you if your American Express is black, your Mercedes is S-Class or above, and you were in college when she was still in utero. If you're none of the above, you might've bought her a drink if you were at Gulfstream or Charlie Palmer's, a drink she quickly drank after seeing an Irvine Co. exec sit in the table across the room for you. Don't worry: in 20 years, her daughters will be all yours.


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66 comments
manchacho
manchacho

Am I the only one that feels this is applies to ANY or EVERY girl in California? 

SangakPues
SangakPues

Where can a brother holler at Darya Ria Alizadeh yo? Seems like the whitewash set has an inferiority complex that makes only the gabacho seem desirable to them, leaving us Doogh enthusiasts with dool in hand..

npssecure
npssecure

I agree with your stereo types, except Orange County was never part of Mexico. OC become a county in 1889, when California was a state, prior to that it was Los Angeles County.

Originally this was little population of native, a Spanish Colony, Mexican Frontier, US Government Territory and the State of California.

It was Mexico for 23 years in which they did nothing to the land except sell it to the US, we bought it get over it

aaacav
aaacav

I am glad I left California I was born and raised in LA and stereotypical cocksuckers like you. Eres una meirda, unfortunately there are many like you creating this wonderful new reality. I am Cuban and Mexican (What spin are you going to give this) I live in Miami away from the worst example of Latino's such as yourself. You represent your state well.

Asta la jodida baby


Devon Warren
Devon Warren

Ugh, I'm number 10. And I've succeeded twice in moving out from behind the Orange Curtain. Hopefully, my 3rd attempt is the grand finale!

thesch
thesch

There should be 11.  How bout Gustavos chick?  How many guys have been with her?  She should have her own section.  Just kidding fucker, dont get mad Gus.. its all good.  Say Helllllooooooo to Tom for me!!!

Brycen Deters
Brycen Deters

Pedro I've never lived in orange county, but having drank there a handful of times I've probably hooked up with 7/10 of these broads.

Uriel Caldera
Uriel Caldera

Hahaha! This was a very entertaining read, bit stereotypical but I guess that was the point. lol.

Andrew Nava
Andrew Nava

you Hutt that nail on the head.....those are the only types...kinda sad.....

Chris Wäggänër
Chris Wäggänër

Aww. I thought you were going to list the names of ten specific women we've all dated...

Linda Josey
Linda Josey

Glad to see the Crotchfire get a mention. That place was a sea of plastic surgery in the 90s. Doubt it's changed much.

Helene Smati
Helene Smati

Can't wait to read the article about the men of OC !

rrl1965
rrl1965

I thought you were going to mention actual women. By name.

gabi.montoya
gabi.montoya

hahaha thank you for this. It's wildly accurate, and hilarious. Unfortunately, not all girls fit anywhere near any of these but I get that it's girls you've PROBABLY dated because that's probably true. You should probably revise the part that ALL OC girls are the same because i'm sure plenty of the guys reading this have found a special girl who is much more multi-dimensional than the listed stereotypes. 

sweetliberty17761776
sweetliberty17761776 topcommenter

other than sounding bitter about mexican females dating outside the clan, you did a good job 



thislittlegirl
thislittlegirl

Stereo typical and garbage. Not everyone fits in those categories and you just made an ass of yourself on a public website write about something worth while  

jennifermajor
jennifermajor

they forgot the stoner chick that thinks she's from the ghetto, but is actually from Irvine hahah

Helen Pearl Manderson
Helen Pearl Manderson

what a vey educational topic. I wonder if OC register or LA Times would share such an important story like this?

Kristen Ross
Kristen Ross

If you haven't actually dated them and paid for a meal you have probably slept with them anyway.

Jennifer LoveMarque
Jennifer LoveMarque

I would like that too :p jk, I have a bf, haha. But for the single ladies it'd be fun I bet.

socsuperstar
socsuperstar

I am dying, as an OC girl, who yes, was in a sorority at Chapman, this is HILARIOUS!!!  I am a Mexican who grew up in Anaheim and I can relate to quite a few of the top 10.  My husband is Caucasian and moved to California, and joked he wanted to marry a Mexican, and he did!  I can't cook, but he forgives me as we go to family events for some authentic food.  And there are Rockabilly's in OC, just go to the Juke Joint in Anaheim.  I live in Long Beach now, so we will see how my 1 year old daughter lives her life and hopefully she takes after me in my better moments in life, not the clubbing days! 

yung_stiffy
yung_stiffy

the young mother who misses high school

Cody Skoff
Cody Skoff

I've had a crush on 4 Mexican girls, but never dated them cuz I was too chicken lol

drvaz801
drvaz801

You could combine 3 or 4 of those easy. The Clubber, The Milf, The Gold Digger. Then combine The Mexican, the Daughter of immigrants, The Christian (all Mexicans are Christian) and most likely Milf again. Also the Rockabilly Queen is wrong, they all live in Long Beach.

ChicoForester
ChicoForester

We are glad you left too, we don't need anymore attitudes. To assign your warped perception all people who reside in CA based on the people YOU cavorted with is about as ignorant as anyone can imagine. Good riddance!

npssecure
npssecure

@Devon Warren And go where ? Long Beach, nothing like reading the weekend homicide reports on Monday. Hawaii, Oregon and Washington you are not wanted.

Arizona or Nevada it be UGLY

GustavoArellano
GustavoArellano moderator editortopcommenter

@drvaz801 Re: Rockabilly...that's RIGHT! Though the OC contingent is definitely Fullerton/HB/Orange.

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