Ten OC Girls You've Probably Dated
You live here in Orange County long enough, you realize that even in this wildly diverse county of ours, all the chicks are virtually the same. Oh, they'll come in different sizes, income brackets, and levels of prettiness, but our ladies seem to gravitate toward particular tribes, with membership frequently bleeding into each other like Chapman University sorority girls come Undie Run. And if you're a swinging young man, you'll have encountered at least some of these women during your conquests. Hell, I was never a swinging man, and I dated women that belonged to more than half of this list. Anyhoo, let the cavalcade of cuties commence! And, yes, gals: we'll have a "Ten OC Guys You've Probably Dated" posthaste
How many tribes you think this Undie runner belongs to or will? Photo by Christopher Victorio
10. The Girl Who Wants to Get the Hell Out of Orange County
She's smart, funny, creative, wonderful, gorgeous, liberal--and she's trying her damndest to get the hell out of the hellhole in which she grew up, whether that means going to college out of state or moving to Long Beach/San Francisco/Austin/NYC/Anywhere Not Named Orange County, California. This brain drain has afflicted us for nearly 50 years, and you won't see her again until she's firmly settled somewhere better, doing amazing things, having the time of her life and wondering how pathetic you could be to decide to stay in OC.
9. The Christian
She could be Catholic, or Mormon, but she's most likely an evangelical from one of the Calvary Chapels, or Saddleback, or Mariner's or Eastside Christian or even Newsong. Follows Rick Warren on Twitter, voted for Proposition 8, attended Fishfest with her office mates, serves as a counselor at Christian camp every summer--yet fell for your heathen ass. Regardless of her creed, she will not put out--until she does.
8. The Gold-Digger
Photo by John Gilhooley
She's the gorgeous gal that will only date you if your American Express is black, your Mercedes is S-Class or above, and you were in college when she was still in utero. If you're none of the above, you might've bought her a drink if you were at Gulfstream or Charlie Palmer's, a drink she quickly drank after seeing an Irvine Co. exec sit in the table across the room for you. Don't worry: in 20 years, her daughters will be all yours.