Ten OC Guys You've Probably Dated

guys_fullerton_downtown.jpg
Photo by LP Hastings, from the immortal DTF Series
Stay classy, OC gents!
Last week, we brought you a list detailing the 10 types of girls OC men have probably dated in their life, classic archetypes ranging from the Christian to the Mexican to--of course--the MILF. Of course, sensitive types got on our case, castigating us for stereotyping our gals as such and deeming us sexist. Well, don't worry, ladies: you've got your revenge here with 10 OC guys YOU'VE probably dated.

I feel bad for my gal pals; while your kind is legendary nationwide for your beauty, us guys aren't exactly the best collection of men--more This is the End than Ocean's 11. We're no bottom-of-the-barrel 909ers, but we ain't exactly choni-melters. No subcategory of George Clooney exist 'round here save for our surfers--and they always go with the beach goddess. So on behalf of OC's guys, gals, I apologize. But, hey: at least we're not LA douchebags...and now, onward!

See also:

10. The Conservative

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Legendary photo by Jack Gould
Every conservative guy's hero, which only shows what an idiot said conservative is

Always dresses sharp, always desires and spends money, always volunteers for the Orange County GOP, always a smug douche. Thinks Obama is the devil, illegal immigrants are ruining this country, and Reagan is god. Takes you to Newport or Laguna for a date, with the occasional SanTana stroll just to show he's hip. Usually in the closet. Unless the woman herself is conservative, you'll dump the guy after he becomes insufferable--which will take a couple of dates. Has no feelings whatsoever.

9. The Musician

musician_gilhooley.jpg
Photo by John Gilhooley
For once, a caption eludes us for this emo master...

You get with this guy because the prospect of going out with the next Mike Ness or Tony Kanal is exciting--and besides, you'll be on the guest list at all the shows, plus be able to get into concerts that matter due to your beloved's connections. But reality sets in fast: the grind of serving as your guy's impromptu stagehand from backyard shows to shitty South County clubs to opening acts at the Coach House to maybe getting a slot at an all-day festival at the Observatory or the House of Blues in eight years to gigging anywhere and everywhere possible during OC Music Awards season. The absolute lack of money at all time--and when there is money, it gets dumped into the next bad YouTube video. Then he takes off on tour, and you're left to ponder whether all those Instagrams of him with fans are pre- or post-coital. The tipping point comes when you have to call your mom's AAA for the umpteenth time when his band's van fails to start off I-10 outside Quartzsite. Lives for NAMM.

8. The Pocho

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Photo by LP Hastings
OC pochos: Classy like Freddy Blassie

Unlike our men, who'll date any type of Mexican woman as long as she's spicy, OC's ladies will only date one type: the pocho, otherwise known as an assimilated Mexican. Maybe our girls might slum it with the occasional cholo or even try a wab just for the hell of it, but they usually love the pocho the most. After all, his English is impeccable, he's only Mexican when you ask him to pillow talk en español or you're ordering tacos somewhere, and his name is easy on your tongue: Will instead of Guillermo, Joe instead of Joaquín, and so much more. But it doesn't matter: when you take him home to meet your family, they'll still think of him as an illegal-alien savage no matter what UCLA degree he earned--wait, did I just think out loud about my former Vietnamese girlfriend's family? I did!

Key exception: if you're a Mexican girl, you'll date every type of Mexican hombre in the vain hope of finding one that's not macho yet not a pussy or a mami's boy, an ideal as preposterous as democracy ever taking hold in Mexico.

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76 comments
mhildom
mhildom

I'm guilty of mostly dating #6, but where's the guy that pretends to be a country bro? Or the Skater? Where are they??? I'm currently with a #1, and so far he's #1. Maybe that's because I would be considered a #10 in the corresponding article... ;D

Dennise Rojas
Dennise Rojas

if you were mexican #2. assimilated mexican haha

Joel White
Joel White

I saw this before it's a repost. Lol who am I?

morgensterngrace
morgensterngrace

You forgot the guy who claims to be country but really just goes to stagecoach

Jenny Palacios
Jenny Palacios

Are you "the stoner" and "the bro"? Haha. And you're the only OC guy I've dated.

Kamilah Middleton
Kamilah Middleton

What about the Huntington Beach douchebag that goes to the gym twice a day and doesn't own a shirt that fits him properly?

Margo West
Margo West

Surfer/skater goes with the stoner one. Guilty.

Jewel Key
Jewel Key

This is beyond wrong and where the heck do you find these people. The valley. Just kidding but seriously whoever wrote this....sad.

Jewel Key
Jewel Key

Lillian Boyd have you read the female version?? Oh my lanta.

Lillian Boyd
Lillian Boyd

Jesus Christ I hate how accurate this is

Gabby Tothemile
Gabby Tothemile

My dating life throughout the years in pictures! Oh the stories.....

Mello Fello
Mello Fello

Or a cool black guy..#bornandraisedintheoc...;)

Brenton Hill
Brenton Hill

Jenny Palacios I think I fit the criteria of at least 2 on this list lol. How many have you dated?

Kristy McDaniel
Kristy McDaniel

I've dated mostly #1... with a few others spattered in there... I love this though. While I don't fit any of the 10 girls one, I certainly know all these types of guys. Your OC male depiction is much more accurate than your OC female one, in my experience. But I also don't typically date OC females.

Maryam Rahimi
Maryam Rahimi

Julz Taillon hahahah! I want his life for a day!

Victoria Wells
Victoria Wells

You missed one... The Danny Hudgins. Shout out to all you Tinderellas.

Julz Taillon
Julz Taillon

Melissa Morales Maryam Rahimi we know which guy should be on this list!! #primo#livinthelife

cynthia.curran8
cynthia.curran8

In reality only 10 percent of the population surfs, the surfer culture is really exaggerated and many are white males now over 40. in fact more folks are into low riders than surfing under 18. In high school Latinos 47 percent and white kids only 31 percent and Asians 18 percent.

xcrunner088
xcrunner088

This article was pure genius. I was really expecting the bro to be number one!

ICregular
ICregular

Mexican bros blast Pearl Jam? lol 

DaniGirl949
DaniGirl949

This sounds like a page out of "Diary of Dating"..................

Guss Aguilar
Guss Aguilar

OC WEEKLY since you got a guy to write both the OC men and women articles which were hilarious, now get a WOMAN'S point of view

Ann Edwards
Ann Edwards

I can't wait to move from California

stealthrubin
stealthrubin

Sooo dead on. Thanks for making me laugh out loud. At work no less. Gotta go and share it now.

CynthiaG3
CynthiaG3

I love that the Pocho picture is of the De La Vega idiots.. Besides the point you neglected to add the wanna be DJ and the GYM Rat

mhildom
mhildom

I dated one of those. He had an accent (or at least a southern lilt) but born and raised in Mission Viejo... What? I know.

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