10 Signs You're Living Next Door to a Brothel

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Anaheim and Huntington Beach police officers raided an apartment near La Palma Avenue and Euclid Street last week and arrested the 40-year-old "madame" there on suspicion of being a pimp. The Orange County Human Trafficking Task Force warns brothels are turning up (and turning tricks) ever more frequently in residential neighborhoods. So we offer the following 10 signs you're living next to a house of ill repute.

10) The guy out front watering the lawn is wearing a blindfold, a diaper and a ball gag.

9) Even the Avon lady gags at the smell of the perfume.

8) About once a day, the lady of the house comes over and asks if you can break a $50.

7) The man of the house resembles Vladimir Putin.

6) Panties hanging on the clothes line out back all appear to have holes in the crotches.

5) The mayor keeps insisting he perform another "inspection" to ensure the house belongs on the next beautiful home tour.

4) Skies overhead are frequently forecast as cloudy with a chance of chlamydia.

3) You often overhear "daddy" being firmly instructed to "give it to me."

2) When Girl Scouts selling cookies come to the door, the girl answering the door is wearing the same uniform.

1) Every NBA team has stopped by.

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11 comments
TheRefriedMexican
TheRefriedMexican

Matt Coker "The Chicken Choker" I really enjoy your columns but I'm sorry I gotta label this piece as "Lame".

JackGrimshaw
JackGrimshaw

* The spent Trojans in the back yard give new meaning to the word condominium. (No reference to USC football players intended. Uh, okay, on second thought ...)

18usc241
18usc241 topcommenter

I recommend the convening of a "Honest cop willing to stand up to the corrupt Police Chiefs and Sheriff of Orange County" task force myself. It would help my situation tremendously. And save all of you a lot of "dinero".

GustavoArellano
GustavoArellano moderator editortopcommenter

You left out "Mitch Young" is the secret password.

BobLoblawsLawBlog
BobLoblawsLawBlog

11. More plaid skirts than St. Anthonly Clarets

12. Bars on the inside of the windows

13. The residence is owned by a church

14. Doorbell plays "Gold Digger"

Mitchell_Young
Mitchell_Young topcommenter

You left out the 10 Asian women living in a 3 bedroom dwelling. 

Mitchell_Young
Mitchell_Young topcommenter

@GustavoArellano It's legal in Germany, dude. You should go -- maybe you'd get laid by someone other than a 'cuz'. 

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