50 Reasons Why Orange County is The Worst Effing Place in America

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Henry W. Head: OC godfather, proud Klansman. And he only ranks #19 on this list.
It was gay rights icon Harvey Milk who described Orange County best, in response to California State Senator John Briggs describing San Francisco as "the moral garbage dump of homosexuality in this country."

"Nobody likes garbage 'cause it smells," Milk told reporters. "Yet eight million tourists visited San Francisco last year. I wonder how many visited Fullerton."

Actually, Harvey, hundreds of thousands of people visit that nice town. And then they promptly vomit on Harbor Boulevard.

Fact is, we suck--big time. Oh, you won't find a better acolyte for all that is amazing about OC than this infernal rag--in a couple of weeks, we're going to publish our annual Best Of issue, our wonderful celebration of all that is great and wonderful and right here. We do love OC and all of its glory, but let's admit it: Orange County is the worst place in America.

This is not hyperbole. No one loves OC more than us--and no one hates OC more than us. We've covered the good and bad of our corner of Hell for nearly 17 years, and about the only reason I can give why we're still around and haven't left screaming for civilization is because we suffer from Stockholm syndrome. Year after year, we try to improve us with an exposé, a great review of a small restaurant or a band, and just when you think Orange County has entered the 21st century, something will occur--be it a white supremacist who massacres Sikhs, an uprooted orange grove, a corrupt politician who gets elected again and again, another vapid trophy wife blaming her Mexican help for stealing her purse and having them deported for the crime when said trophy wife had actually left said purse at a McDonald's--to put you into a depression, to make you curse God that he couldn't curse Orange County's wackjob mentality to, say, Phoenix. Oh, wait: it happened, and Orange County remains ridiculous.

FUCK!

We can write a whole book about why Orange County is so horrid--and I did! It's called Orange County: A Personal History!--but we'd rather argue our case with that ultimate digital-age proof: the listicle. Following in the footsteps of our sister papers, who proclaim Los Angeles the best city in America and Texas the best state, behold 50 reasons why Orange County is the worst place in America. Take that, Mississippi! Pound sand, Colton! Suck an egg, Stanton!

Oh, wait...


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Tricky Dick: No. 50...
50. Richard Nixon was born here.

49. Out of the 25 most populous metropolitan areas in the United States, we're the only one with an African-American population of less than 5 percent of the total--and we clock in at an abysmal 2.2 percent. Then again, that's an improvement from the 2000 census, where we clocked in at 2 percent. Go progress!

48. Hundreds of millions of dollars spent on a Great Park that its founders still claim would rival Central Park, and all they have to show for it is an ugly-ass balloon that's shaped like a--yep!--orange...

47. ...And despite our supposed love affair with the fruit, we have less than 100 acres of orange groves left--and those are being torn out at the rate of one grove a year. And one of the biggest orange groves left is a vanity plot owned by mega-developer William Lyon, who probably tore up more orange groves than any man not named Walt Disney.

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No. 46: Robert Schuller, crying for God to bail him out of bankruptcy...
46. Our noxious brand of Christianity--from the prosperity gospel of Trinity Broadcasting Network and Benny Hinn to the radio empire and theological seminary built by Charles Fuller on the cheap labor of the Mexicans who worked his orange groves, from the possibility-thinking bullshit of the Crystal Cathedral, to the hippies-turned haters at Calvary Chapel, from the homo-haters at Mariners Church to the general wackiness of Saddleback Church, from the millions donated by philanthropist Howard F. Ahmanson, Jr. to creationism causes to the pedophile-protecting racket that is the Catholic Diocese of Orange and so many, many more--has poisoned American Christians for decades.

45. Adam Gadahn--aka the American Taliban aka Goat Boy--got radicalized by an Al Qaeda cell based at the Islamic Society of Orange County in Garden Grove.

44. Height of summertime fashion for guys is an Afflicted T-shirt, loose camo cargo shorts and flip flops, the least-manly outfit ever.

43. Ticket pricesfrom John Wayne Airport are always higher so Back Bay rich people don't have to install double-panes windows. And no planes can leave before 7 a.m.

42. The Santa Ana City Council. Orange County's county seat made history last decade by becoming the largest in the country with an all-Latino city council, and what happened? City's the most corrupt in la naranja. Before, it was whites gentrifying Latinos; now it's Latinos doing it to themselves. That's progress, right?
 
41. Botox was born here.


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449 comments
ctomdudownclown
ctomdudownclown

Interesting that you do not mention the large and incredibly rude as well as territorial asian population.  SOB's will claim golf courses and 24 hour fitness centers as their own and try to ruin your round or workout by crowding around you and waiting impatiently to do what you are doing.  It is like they see a white guy doing something and doing it better than they could ever do it, they see their girl lusting after us, and a pack of these imbreds will come over and try to show you up or make you feel uncomfortable and run you off.  How about their amazing driving skills and their etiquitte at Costco?  The white people you are complaining about don't bother anyone.  Sure they look stupid in their "bro" uniforms and lifted two wheel drive SUV's but I am from NorCal originally and so I can only speak from a rugged and not so metrosexual white male's point of view.  Maybe it gets them vagina here.  It must since I do not act this way and SoCal women make me want to round them all up and shave their heads and sentence them to 5 years in the kitchen so they can stop trying to do a mans job better than him and get back to the natural order of things.  Back to the Asians though.  I just started working in Irvine about 9 months ago.  I sit next to a few Vietnamese women and the organization is full of them all around.  I have always thought that it was the Illegal Immigrants from Anaheim and Santa Ana ruining this County.  No no no.  Now I know who is really shitting where we all eat.  It is these little dicked yellow bastards.  yeah I said it.  Fuck them all.  Mother fuckers snuck in using a law passed to get more EAstern Europeans into the country.  WE got these Commie little flat faces instead.  They can all go to hell.  


Now I will diss my own a little bit because of course it is a little of everyone at fault here.  The Irvine company is like the most uptight non innovative and fascist corporation on the planet.  And they own every building in Irvine.  Everything closes at 9 pm, it all looks the same, it is over priced, it blows, fucking kill me now, come on doit!!!!!  Fuck me, I hate Irvine.  Take me back to LA please.  AT least I will get a change of scenery and architecture if I drive 10 miles down the 405 and take a right to get off in the next town.  Not in Irvine.  No no no.  These mother fuckers decided everything needs to look Irvine Companyesk.  Their style fucking sucks though.  They will not let other developers come in and buy all that undeveloped dirt from them either.  It just sits there, in between a couple of half assed sky scrapers and corporate hells and it is extremely brown.  If they made a park people might actually go outside and enjoy their day a little bit instead of heading over to Spectrum so they can rub elbows with little yellow fuck faces that want to get the new shoes first.  That would destroy their revenue if they made Irvine look like any less of a hell than it already appears.  The end.  

gonealready
gonealready

The rent is crazy high in orange county. Everything is a competition of who is cooler. My job is full of white collar yuppies. i make decent money and even my wife and i will be priced out of our apartment because every year the rent is continually pushed to 2k a month by the irvine company. Impossible to save money, smog is increasing and traffic sucks. With this said, living here is far better than the dangerous gangland ghettos of san berardino county and the desert cities. A stretch of cities along the 210 freeway and 57 freeway are relatively safe but are still blighted by good stretches of gangland. Cities off the 10 and 60 freeway , and 91 freeway increase in danger as you approach LA. Everything after the 55 and 405 freeway going north is blighted and dangerous until you his portions of west LA and even then watch where you get gas. The only good thing is that asians are investing and redveloping some portions but then they are turning the hispanic ghettos into chinese developments.  South of the 55 freeway and north on the 57 until san dimas is halfway decent, meaning you can stop to get gas without fear of being robbed. Then south of the 55 and 405 to San Diego is expensive but very nice until you hit san diego which is a mixed bag but much better than everything else due to the weather.  At the heart of So Cal is the famous corrupt capital of los angeles with the regulation and corruption of a third world country and when you visit LA you will def. see situations and living conditions out of the third world. Living in LA will make orange county seem like paradise and it is this city and county alone which makes orange county look so good in comparison too.  Los Angeles County alone defines orange county as great. If southern california were middle earth, Los Angeles county would be is Mordor and LA City having one tower with an all seeing eye.  But Frodo would be wrong to think that Mordor ends at the Los Angeles County line for blight and corruption are paramount along the 10 and 60 freeways going east until you reach gangland, and Los Angeles County's lesser cousin, San Berardino County where you will find a second tower with an all seeing eye.   Only the bravest dare tread in the bankrupt gang infested lands of San Bernardino where only a few very isolated peaceful cities remain. Then at the center lies Riverside County, more resembling San Berardino County than Orange County. Riverisde County, the sole barrier and meat shield keeping the mayhem of San Bernardino County at bay and thats losing fight. 

guru17
guru17

This being so old i hesitate to write yet, you are either too young and haven't lived anywhere else or you can't just move to L.A.


I doubt you are in chains which prevents you from just leaving so really dude, I suggest you do yourself a favor, be happy relax and leave.  


Simply listing A person who isn't alive like that clown Nixon as one of your reasons tells me you are reaching. Dude, Nixon and people like him or even worst than that bozo live everywhere. 


All I will tell you as a simple example is if you love Mexican food bro? Don't move back east. 


Consequently if you're Socialist maybe you'd like somewhere in Europe my friend all i need you to know is if you somehow are into surfing? Don't move to Montana, I mean I'm just saying.


Good luck dude, I wish you choosing well.


golfer99
golfer99

I would also include these things.

1. Worst place on the planet to be a golfer.  A round with a golf cart at Mile Square or some other ugly municipal golf course with cars and fivesomes of Korean painters with their wives in front of you and behind you takes 5 hours to finish on the weekends and costs $60.  To put this into perspective, the most you will pay for a lush green tree lined course with zero highways or Koreans in Northern California or even Seattle Washington Metro is $50.  

2.  Although OC has a reputation for being full of rich blondes and snobby white people, The great majority of it is full of Mexicans or every kind of Asian FOB imaginable.  To add to the the American identity crisis every white person I see seems to be in their 50's or 60's and could care less because they know their days on earth are numbered anyways.  

3.  Everything is a competition.  Whether it is finding a job, getting to work on time (beating traffic and needing to cut people off or avoiding getting clipped by a jacked up 150 or SUV or worse Semi TRuck), finding a spot to park outside of your apartment you pay way too much for, or finding a job,  Any job.  Even the ones that make you question the decision to earn a living rather than just sit on a street corner with a sign.  

4.  Jobs; there are zero good jobs unless you have connections at some financial services or law firm, or you are just extremely gifted and have the credentials and experience to show this on paper.  I found a job here and it was great until I started working there.  I understand now why so many are so unhappy in this area.  If you don't have a job you don't have money to survive and are therefore as bitter as you are hungry.  If you do have a job you don't get to enjoy the beautiful sunshine that attracts so many to this state because you are always working.  Even when they say it is a 9 to 5 job.  If you get hired there is something really attractive about you to that company (if it is a non gov job that is).  I meanif you do work in the OC you might as well live in Green Bay Wisconsin because you will never get any of that lovely sun shine or lovely fresh air with a touch of smog in every breath.  You know the thing so many people move here for.  I have not seen the ocean since I started working by the way.  Irvine has no beaches and I live in Huntington Beach.  Oh go on the weekends?  I don't know what is more stressful, working myself to death or trying to navigate my way through Huntington Beach and finding parking that does not cost $0.25 per 15 minutes.  


With the above said SoCal is hell on earth.  Cannot wait to escape to the Pacific North West where at least they have fog to protect you from getting skin cancer.  The sun in Orange County looks beautiful until you go try and do something outdoors.  Even with SPF 50 you will feel like the back of your neck is being hit by a magnifying glass.  I think all the idiots driving on the 405 have caused a second hole in the Ozone layer because I feel like the radiation given by the sun has doubled sinnce I began living here.  

fm.illuminatus
fm.illuminatus

Even the self-hate in OC is so OC.  This is like a laundry list of first world problems. 

YourBlogSucks
YourBlogSucks

This goes on my list of the top 3 dumbest lists in effing america.

GladIgotOUT
GladIgotOUT

I left my hometown of Yorba Linda when I was 18 , over 20 years ago. While a beautiful place to be a kid, once I hit puberty and realized I was gay, I could not wait to get the F out. Since then I've lived in SF, Oakland, NYC, Brooklyn and now reside in Europe. Orange County represents some of the most delusional out-of-touch and frankly ignorant people on the planet. Being Christian and white is like a hospital card for ugliness. I cringe when I have to go back and see thick relatives and old neighbors. Thank you for making me laugh with your spot on observations. It's sad, however, because the place has the potential to be just so much more...

puromotaman
puromotaman

Last time I flew (last month) it was cheaper to fly out of OC then LAX to guadalajara. Plus I can take twice the luggage. Besides who likes to fly at night? Oh, the staff at JWA have always been polite spoke english fluently unlike LAX. 


ocace
ocace

Lake Forest has three lakes and is foresty.


newyorker
newyorker

i've lived all around the world, just moved here, it is a gorgeous place, nature-wise and weather-wise but yeah everything else the article says seems to be what i've been seeing. it's a shame bc the place is so nice! now just to replace the extremists and self absorbed, entitled population ;)

newyorker
newyorker

i've lived in 6 countries on 5 continents... just moved here, it is a gorgeous place, nature-wise and weather-wise but yeah everything else the article says seems to be what i've been seeing. it's a shame bc the place is so nice! now just to replace the extremists and self absorbed, entitled population with cool and down to earth people and then it would be PERFECT. meh, can't have everything ;)

Joe Allen
Joe Allen

Nice try, Detroit. The hate filled wanna-be hipsters at OCWeekly need more hate drivel this week. So glad the local independent (ha) media is here to remind me why my home town "effing" sucks. I thought it was a nice day too. Good thing they're here.

Patrick Lilley
Patrick Lilley

The writer can always choose to leave. I didn't see any useful suggestions for improving things.

Randolph B Brummett
Randolph B Brummett

There was a lot of people who petitioned for Orange County separation from Los Angeles not just the KKK member

Rotobabe
Rotobabe

...and yet... I'm left wondering what #39 is...

Jeff Maguire
Jeff Maguire

sorry, Houston, TX takes the cake for worst effing place in america

Sean Wanlass
Sean Wanlass

this is retarded. none of those things were reasons to dislike OC

Stress Reduction
Stress Reduction

Haha, lets keep OC like it is... If you can tolerate being financially screwed over and controlled your whole life, your the perfect sheep-le. Thanks!

Brian Simrak
Brian Simrak

Well to be fair, all of California sucks ass haha

dmitch38
dmitch38

Here's my attempt at coherent impute. Growing up in the San Gabriel Valley I can say I love the O.C. In the S.G.V. I watched my leave it to beaver neighborhood with mowed lawns, graffiti less walls, and a "drive by" was  getting mooned to dead lawns, gang graffiti, and a kid I watched grow up get shot and killed on Thanksgiving night. I ended up in Orange County in 1978 thanks to the Marine Corps. I got stationed at the air base that was El Toro, now the Great Park. Old Irvine, orange groves, a sense of clean air, going to Norm's on 17th at 2 am without looking over your shoulder as you got out of your car, and being at the beach in ten minuets, not an hour was perfect. I have lived in Garden Grove, Irvine, Tustin, and ended up buying a home in Lake Forest in 1997. Got married, raised two kids, one went to UNI, and the other to Mission and both received great education and are doing very well thanks in part to the schools and environment of Orange County. Over the years the O.C. looks like a extension of L.A. County specially the northern O.C. even though you can still tell when your getting into Orange County  from L.A. on the I5 when the roads get wider and the potholes disappear. The orange groves are gone now and "Old Irvine" is just a marker sign on Sand Canyon, Orange County is still a great place to live. All the haters, let ask this; if you have a to chose the same exact home in L.A. county or Orange County and it is just given to you, which would you chose?


Funny sad side note: I was getting me hair cut the other day and the young girl cutting hair and I were making small talk. To make it short, the topic of my military service came up and she asked if I was stationed at Camp Pendleton and I said no, El Toro. She replied, where's that? She grew up in the area! 

Josh English
Josh English

I never thought I'd ever say this in my life, but it's to the point, where parts of the Inland Empire are actually starting to become more attractive. :-p

Jay Chen
Jay Chen

The OC is the bestest!!!

Josh English
Josh English

Thanks OC Weekly, for reinforcing what I've already known, for the last twenty seven years. LMFAO :v

Daniel Rokstdy Curtis
Daniel Rokstdy Curtis

LOL thank you for sharing Allot of extremely valid points some undeniably fact that just can not be over looked - Good stuff!

Lisa Blandino McArdle
Lisa Blandino McArdle

Oh and I wouldn't be caught dead residing in Long Beach! Really??? You people are so jealous!

CDC01
CDC01

You make some great points.  However, racism, homophobia and disparate ecomonics are not exclusive to OC.  Not by a long shot.

Lisa Blandino McArdle
Lisa Blandino McArdle

To everyone complaining about OC MOVE and make more room for us who LOVE IT!❤️❤️❤️❤️B'bye!

Lorretta Marie Ceja
Lorretta Marie Ceja

I lived in SOUTH OC for 23 years, and moved back to Long Beach, and now I miss it soooooo much. There truly isn't a place like SOUTH OC. It's beauty, its beaches, restaurants, etc... I LOVE IT and miss it. I will retire in SOUTH OC. It's so kick back, especially Laguna Beach, San Juan Capistrano and San Clemente. Love them so much!

Marsie Wilkinson Chris Cook
Marsie Wilkinson Chris Cook

We get it alright. Some of the reasons why we left HB and Laguna Beach and decided to move to Hawaii.

asdfgafsgddagsf
asdfgafsgddagsf

@golfer99 You've got it backwards. Learn your science. The Pacific Northwest has the highest rates of cancer in the entire country. And if you moved to OC for the werather you will HATE HATE HATE the Pacific Northwest!!! Trust me I know because I LIVED THERE and I MOVED HERE (to OC) for the weather alone!!

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