Deconstructing Scientology's Press Release on its OC Center's Grand Opening, and Possible Found Footage of Genuine Spies in Orange County!

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Photo credit: Anonymous
Spies...like us?
Scientology didn't invite the Weekly to the grand opening Saturday of its Ideal Org at the former Santa Ana Performing Arts and Event Center, which was SanTana's Masonic Hall back when non-hipster gabachos actually lived in the city.

But who needs to get inside an event when those hosting it send you a press release to give you all the happy details on what went down? Thanks to the fine folks in Scientology, the Weekly has learned everything there is to know about the big shindig at 505 N. Sycamore St.

First, there were thousands of Scientologists in attendance. How many thousands? Who cares! There were thousands! (We estimate about a thousand, if that--and nearly all of them were shipped in from the mothership on big ol' buses about as big as those DC-10 LRH said Xenu packed those poor, blown-up aliens in).

Second, the church has faithfully restored the iconic building, including the third-floor ballroom, which it says "once again stands as a gathering place for the community, serving as the grand Chapel and auditorium venue for parishioners and people of all faiths in Orange County." 

That includes you, white separatists of the Creativity Movement! And you, followers of Ivo A. Benda! And you, afterbirth-burying practitioners of Nuwaubianism

Finally, we heard from David Miscavige, the church's leader, on the significance of an Ideal Org right here in our fair county: 

"We come to the first momentous page of this Church's new history. Needless to say, it's not a tide of history on which one merrily floats..." Miscavige said, according to the press release.  

It was Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard who merrily floated on a personal armada in the 1960s, dubbing himself "Commodore" as he lorded over the first elite members of the church who would become part of the Sea Organization, a group of folks who must sign billion-year contracts with the group and subject themselves to toiling for peanuts and the threat of severe punishment for bucking authority. 


"On the contrary, it must be a history unlike any ever told before..." Miscavige said, according to the press release. 

That's going to be tough to do. Here is a story I once heard: Xenu, the head of the Galactic Confederation, made up of 76 planets tens of millions of years ago, fixed overpopulation on each planet by paralyzing billions of people in the galaxy and piling them on Teegeeack, what we now call Earth. He then used H-bombs to destroy their bodies. The souls survived. 

"a history of supreme competence..." 

Still awaiting the renewal of Ocideal.org.

"great passion and perfect adherence to our Technology." 



"For only in that way will we ever achieve the Aims of Scientology and thus a world without war, without insanity, without criminality; a world of which we can be proud, where the able can prosper, where honest beings have rights and all are free to rise to greater heights. That is our responsibility as Scientologists--and, yes, it's one that we proudly embrace."

Without insanity. Without criminality. Proudly embraced. 


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41 comments
Guest2124124e
Guest2124124e

Man i thought critics were actually doing something...

JustCallMeMary
JustCallMeMary

Hey Josh, serving "all faiths" does not include those who are of the faith that Scientology's OT III Xenu is a joke.;P

Moser
Moser

One may criticise Scientology like one can do with other religions, but here it is just tried to ridiculise people with other beliefs..poor show!

Jerry
Jerry

What a fascinating situation.

There is a cult, that is embarrassed by their founder.

For 50 years, the cult tried to shelter their founder, and make him seem normal.

Now, with the internet, it's obvious the cult founder was insane.

Sorry, cult, you have to account for your existence.

dagobarbz
dagobarbz

I think their story will be unlike any ever told before. It starts with a college dropout/pulp fiction writer who writes up his uninformed theories about "The Mind" and calls it Dianetics.

The material was definitely a product of the 50s zeitgeist, when racism was acceptable and homo-bashing was a weekend sport in some places. They were also big on The Future, with its flying wings, hover cars and food pills, so the timing was right for Dianetics to take off, and it did, only to decline.

So he came up with Scientology, an "applied religious philosophy." And it wasn't a very nice organization, as L. Ron Hubbard wasn't a very nice man. But, they kept their secrets hidden until the 90s, when the internet started to become something more and more people were using.

An abusive, evil, totalitarian cult meets brand new technology and goes down, kicking and screaming. Nope, I've NEVER heard that story before!

Louanne
Louanne

Cute. Josh gets pissed and throws around words and stories he has no clue about. The whole purpose: piss off Scientologists. What else do I need to know about who this guy is in bed with?  Won't work, Josh (this is not what Scientologists believe and thanks for acknowledging that kicking you out was the right thing to do.) Go back to "masturbating Octomom." You're better at that.

Helene Hoffman
Helene Hoffman

 Louanne; What do you have to say to all the memoirs (& reports) written by ex-Scientologists re: Sea Org, and the Scientology organization, generally?? Can these all be just horrible, disgruntled people lying?? Most of these people spent 20 years on up, giving their lives to Scientology. And why does your organzation pay them far less than minimum wage?

ThomTom
ThomTom

 Why was Scientologist Alfreddie Johnson jumping up and down laughing and clapping like a little School girl when Louis Farrakhan was talking about beheading infidels at His San Diego shindig. All that Sharia Law talk made Alfreddie giddy. I suggest you watch the recent Farrakhan video and write and submit a knowledge report on Alfreddie Johnson  ASAP before word gets out about his latest ethics flap. your the expert Louanne, what chapter in Dianetics mentions chopping off heads?

ThomTom
ThomTom

How'd that date with Louis Farrakhan go Louanne, did you eliminate his reactive mind yetLets do something about his anti-semitic rantings MKay.

Ivy Mapother
Ivy Mapother

You sure told him. Now really put him in his place by having David Miscavige sit  down for an interview and clue him in on what Scientology is all about. Bring Shelly along for good measure.

dagobarbz
dagobarbz

 I have been up in Pasadena for the past couple weeks. The Ideal Org is always empty.Now they have a matching empty building in Santa Ana, nice.

Godzilla can use 'em for salt and pepper shakers.

Rene
Rene

Fine- why don't you educate us, then.  Start off explaining Xenu to us.  Thanks!

Bill T.
Bill T.

They don't bother trying to explain (the unexplainable, actually, I know you understand this). All they can do is to libel people calling bullshit on them.

Sam
Sam

Scientology p'wnd!! Only they will open up an "Org," with the disingenuous pledge of being a boon to the community and ironically deny that self-same community access to their event. The true significance of the event (essentially another opportunity to milk cult members of their savings) was observable by the local media's response, which was to stay away in droves. The "church" is reduced to offering an obviously self-serving press release, which they have to post on some silly website in order to get anyone to read.

Truth is that the "church's" fraud and abuse have been widely exposed (something that continues to happen thanks to reporters like Josh who actually do research) to the point where the most noteworthy public official they can produce to preside over the "historic" grand opening of their Santa Ana "Ideal Org" is the mayor of - wait for it - Garden Grove.

Bat_Shit_Crazy_Too
Bat_Shit_Crazy_Too

It's obvious you have NOT done your homework on the fine Religion of Scientology. The Xenu did NOT use a DC-10 to bring the bodies to Earth, that's just CRAZY They ACTUALLY used a DC-8 - Proudly build right here in Long Beach. How they got it to time travel back millions of years and retrofit it for space travel is one of our great mysteries that PROVES Scientology is a real religion.

Riley
Riley

Xenu was a powerful evil galactic overlord.  Galactic overlords get what they want.  Xenu wanted DC-8s from the future.  He also liked fedora caps and penny loafers, coincidentally both of which were also popular about the time DC-8s were used.  Xenu also like the automobile styles and music of the same era.  

It has been speculated that had the DC-10 been invented by the time LRH composed his religion, this would have triggered a quantum entangled trans-dimensional waveform collapse, which would have permitted Xenu to upgrade to DC-10s for his frozen soul-box transportation needs. 

Brainslugged
Brainslugged

$cientology: Acting creepy and ruining lives since 1952

Louanne
Louanne

Why would they invite an Anonymous-supporter? I was there with 5,000 others having fun. We didn't need your bullshit. 

Dave Lieberman
Dave Lieberman

So that's 500 people and nine extra body thetans for each physical attendee?

jensting
jensting

 Indeed! Having David Miscavige there ensured your own supply of bullshit.

I wholeheartedly support the running away from the media which the criminal organisation known as the "church" of $cientology engages in. Please do keep telling all your members that the "wogs" are liars. It's going to to make their fall away from $cientology all the harder.

I recommend to anyone the video of Pauline Lombard's daughter shot outside this event. User "SP999999" at Youtube.

Ivy Mapother
Ivy Mapother

If you say 5,000 then 5,000 it is. Speaking of bullshit, when's the Super Powers Building going to open for business?

 Lisa Lirones
Lisa Lirones

 When The Las Vegas Theme Park Design company "Technifex" gets paid.

Xenutastic
Xenutastic

Louanne (AKA, LIsa Lirones, an OSA operative working to get back on the cult's good side), do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Yeah, Josh is your problem; that's why the only press from your event was your sad press release. Your cult is fading fast - we'll help you get out before they pass out the purple Kool-Aid!

dagobarbz
dagobarbz

 The only press from the event was THEIR press for a reason. They don't give a rat about wogs in wogville.

This garbage is for the true believers who still have some coin to pitch. By making it a press release, they give their promo a kind of provenance so their readers get the sense that this is not just some internal Scientology bubble crap, but rather something the entire community is down with.

 Lisa Lirones
Lisa Lirones

 1000 Is about all Scientology can muster,these days.

list of 1800 Ex-Cult Members speaking out against Scientology and climbing

MarkStark
MarkStark

Fact is, if they left it to the locals, they'd probably have a crowd of about 57 showing up at most -- one for every "perceptic," including two for oiliness.

Pretty soon they'll need to start a "Bus Org," consisting of thetans whose job it is to ride on buses all over the world to attend "Way to Happiness Seminars," "How to deseminate workshops" and all Org openings -- all to make it look like there's more than 15,000 of these Hubbard-luvin' fruitcakes left, now that all their "raw meat" has turned into jerky.

dagobarbz
dagobarbz

 Sounds like an easy way to make $50 a week!

 Lisa Lirones
Lisa Lirones

 they will have a special "short bus" reserved for Louanne

 

  

gustavoarellano
gustavoarellano

5,000? Maybe if you include all the thetans embedded in your toes!

Louanne
Louanne

Oh, you were there?

Just looked at your profile. Fascinating, does the OC Weekly require from their editors to do thousands of likes and comments on their own articles? You don't have any readers, do you? I guess I am wasting my time here.

Marc Abian
Marc Abian

Or at least "happy hour" (how's that for a plug for your OC guide to local happy hours issue?). 

dagobarbz
dagobarbz

 I was there, did you see me? I look like my avatar.

Guest
Guest

You waste your time EVERYWHERE, Louanne.

You spam any article any place any time when your cult is called out for its human rights abuses.

You've been doing it for years, with the net effect of making you and your cult the laughing stock of the internet.  

You're doing it wrong. 

gustavoarellano
gustavoarellano

No, you're wasting your time and money with Scientology--stick with the Weekly, and you'll find the TRUE path to happiness!

Jacob
Jacob

Hey Louanne,

I bet you didn't know that your cult founder, LRH, was a terrible poet.  Take his poem here:

"The universe is a frail thing,Aveil of smoke and tears,Lawless with suppression,Depraved beyond its years."

So, since the universe is suppressive, that means that the universe supports Anonymous! That's like, everybody!!  LRH is source!!

MarkStark
MarkStark

It's DC8s Josh, not DC10s. Seventy-five million years ago, DC10s were probably not appropriate for interplanetary transport of boxes of frozen aliens -- not in this sector of the galaxy anyway. 

gustavoarellano
gustavoarellano

It was my mistake as an editor, not Josh's; gracias for the catch!

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