The Five Stupidest Things Nativo Lopez Ever Said
5. Nativo Determines Who's a Latino and Who's Not
Rosemarie Avila was an evil woman, a longtime SAUSD trustee whose politics came from the Calvary Chapel school of crazy, namely because she went to Calvary (who can ever forget her asking Papa Chuck to send over 400 wackos to invade a board meeting just because SanTana Unified was going to offer domestic partner benefits?). But leave it to Nativo to make us have sympathy for the woman, if only for a bit, back in 2000 when Lopez--fresh from consolidating power on the school board--decided to ridicule Avila for being a fake Latina. Avila, born to German missionaries in Guatemala, was suddenly not Latina because...why again? Nativo never exactly said, but all roads lead to the idea that because Avila didn't have any indigenous blood (nothing but evil European sangre), she therefore wasn't real. "It's only of late that she's had an epiphany, a conversion if you will, of scouring the earth to find her Latino roots," Lopez told the Los Angeles Times back then, sarcasm dripping from his thick mustache like so much Brylcreem. "God bless her if she wants to be one of us."
4. Nativo Compares Himself to the Virgin of Guadalupe, Calls Himself a Prophet
One of my favorite stories to this day was a 2002 Nativo Lopez fundraiser from the days when he was facing an ultimately successful recall campaign. He held it on the feast day of the Virgin of Guadalupe, and Lopez and his supporters didn't try to hide the blatant attempt to connect him to the Empress of the Americas and all godly things. "The Orange County Register has called me a prophet in his own land, and in many ways I feel that way," he proclaimed that day. Of course, God doesn't like people messing with his woman, so Nativo god the holy pimp hand and became the wanderer in the desert he's been ever since.