David Haldane Has a Mail-Order Bride And Wants His OC Neighbors to Be Cool With It

Categories: OC Media
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David Haldane went online, met a girl and married her. But this isn't your typical Internet-age love story. To meet this young lady in person for the first time, 63-year-old Haldane had to take a 16-hour plane ride to the Philippines, where her mother immediately inquired, "So, you want to marry my daughter."    
 
Haldane, a former reporter for the Los Angeles Times who lives in Los Alamitos, penned a personal essay in this month's Orange Coast magazine titled, "My Imported Bride." It details his experience finding a wife overseas and discusses "the hazards of living in Orange County with a 'mail-order bride.'" The 3,000-word piece has left some readers outraged, some nauseated and yet some defending the relationship as an example of love that prevails in spite of America's skewed notions of transnational marriage. 

Haldane starts from the beginning. He'd been married for 15 years to an American woman his own age. They had two children together. But then he became discontent and spiraled into an affair.    
 
I'm not proud of this, but one day I awoke to the realization that I had become the embodiment of an American stereotype: the middle-aged husband who imagines something better over the next ridge.

The next ridge happened to be across the Pacific Ocean. One night, Haldane "impulsively did an Internet search for 'Asian women' and up popped filipinaheart.com" (which redirects to filipinocupid.com, a matchmaking site featuring pages and pages of gushing testimonials from Filipino women who found Western husbands). 

From there, it was game on. 

It was as if I had been magically transformed from an invisible older man into a rock star whose company women craved. Of course that appealed to my ego. On a deeper level, though, it appealed to my need for stability in a world in which the love I wanted seemed impossible to find. 

He adds that he understood "part of their incentive was economic" but "marriage has always had an economic component" and sometimes the reality is that "two can live better than one." 

The piece continues with Haldane meeting Ivy, a woman in her early twenties. They began to email back and forth. "I'm looking for someone who will stay with me for the rest of my life," he confessed "barely two weeks into the talk."
 
The two met in the Philippines, later married and now have a toddler. Haldane writes that he is "once again part of a happy American family" though many have raised eyebrows at their relationship. One neighbor called the cops on a garage party he was having that was attended by a large number of "dark-skinned people eating pigs roasted whole on a spit." 
  
We are acutely aware, of course, that others outside our group often look at us askance. We have theories as to why, but mine boils down to this: They don't consider us legitimate. In a society that values--no, practically invented--love as the only valid basis for marriage, anything even suggesting other motives is suspect. 

What's troublesome about the situation isn't the age gap (though 33 years--hot damn) or the interracial nature (seriously, it's 2012, people) or even the relationship itself (it seems consensual and calculated--the courtship took two years). It's that regardless of whether this marriage is working for these two individuals, Haldane's piece (and its accompanying sidebars on topics such as "How to Handle the Bureaucracy" of transnational marriage) glorifies an industry riddled with exploitation. Sure, the author briefly notes the reality of green card marriages and the potential for abuse by American men who seek "imported" brides, but the issue deserves more than an offhanded mention.   
 
The United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime estimates that the human-trafficking industry is the second largest criminal industry in the world, with $32 billion in annual profits. A 2011 report published in the Virginia Journal of International Law finds that stopping exploitative practices that operate under the guise of the foreign-bride industry remains particularly challenging. According to the report, brides found through international marriage brokers are vulnerable and face high levels of domestic violence because of their "isolation, citizenship status, economic dependence, and the psychological use of her children."

Plus, there's a general air of subtle misogyny that doesn't sit well ("Operating a washing machine and microwave were skills she had to acquire" he writes of Ivy's introduction to America). It'd be nice to hear Ivy's side of the story. As of now, it's told through Haldane,
the invisible older man turned rock star.   

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10 comments
Rich Mitch
Rich Mitch

So sick & tired of American women, especially the women in So-Cal. OC women? OMG! Are you kidding me?

Love hearing the racism & denseness, so inherent in the White, Republican Orange County residents leaking out like a sieve because this dude bared his heart for everyone to read.

You go David man, I'm jealous now. I'm sure you found a loyal, loving & traditional wife...

Dave Lieberman
Dave Lieberman

One wonders why he didn't just sign up for a free trial of Amazon Prime...

AJ
AJ

Hope he still has some money in savings so he can buy his next wife when he tires of this one.

mitch young
mitch young

"One neighbor called the cops on a garage party he was having that was attended by a large number of "dark-skinned people eating pigs roasted whole on a spit."

I'll bet that neither the neighbor nor the cops said anything about 'dark skinned people' -- that's this POS's "embelishment". Probably too much noise, etc, just like calling the cops on a kids' house party.

It's funny how these losers never want to settle in their bride's home country. If they love, love, love these folks so bad, why don't they live where they can be surrounded by them -- really take in the culture, good and bad?

Further, while Haldane may believe this is his personal issue, it isn't. By bringing his mail order bride here, he just created an new stream of migration for her parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, etc, due to our insane 'family reunification' policy. Of course, the easiest way to 'reunify' this particular family would be for this aging babyboom asswipe to move his butt to Olangapo (or whereever). He should do so, forthwith.

TAGALOG FOR SALE
TAGALOG FOR SALE

typical phillipine for sale............they are golddiggers............and they are after the money.......

Carpetbagger
Carpetbagger

16 hour plane rides, Mail Order brides from PI, Fat old white guy,the odacity of a "loving" man pretending this is anything BUT ABUSE of women(meanwhile pretending that "oppressed women are worthy of concern"...........Sounds a lot lot like a race for state senate  in North Orange County!

Buttercup
Buttercup

Well...he certainly is the stereotypical "aging male thinking he deserves something better" And he went out and bought it. Wouldn't that constitute Human Trafficking regardless of the time frame?.

If I were him I'd sleep with one eye open...his new little honey may not think this "arrangement" is so wonderful.

909Jeff
909Jeff

Next thing we're gonna find out is that he bought a convertible sports car too...

Though... There is something to be said about shopping for a wife.  I have a couple different perspectives.  One its reserved for losers who dont have the balls to approach a woman and start a conversation OR maybe they got sick of dealing with the spoiled ass, pretentious, entitled american women, and want to be with a woman who accepts the idea of gender roles.

gurl
gurl

NOT ALL...TANGA....IDIOT..

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