Octomom Nadya Suleman's Live Nude Photos ... With Blow-by-Blow Color Commentary

Categories: Octomerde
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Two things occurred to me when a link to what were billed as nude photos of Octomom Nadya Suleman arrived in my inbox:

1) Is there anything I don't subject myself to for youse people?

B. This job does not pay enough for this shit.

Not that it stopped me from taking a peek at TMZ's slightly censored slideshow based on the unemployed single mother of 14's photo shoot for a European magazine. I'm not about to include the photos here because, Lord knows, I'm already in hock to my eyeballs from what I owe in unauthorized reprint fees to European photographers. But the link above will take you where you want to go, you poor sick bastard.

Say, if you want to open up the slideshow in one window, you can see what raced through my feeble mind as I quickly scanned each one. (Christ almighty, what I do for you people.)

Opener of Natalie nude but lying on her stomach to hide her naughty bits: Eek, my eyes are burning. I can go the rest of my life without seeing that again. Remember when she wouldn't do porn or pose nude or wash her hair for a fetish site and only accidentally shot the video of herself in a leather corset whipping a guy in a diaper? Guess times change when your La Habra home is in foreclosure and no celeb boxing matches are on the horizon.

1.) OK, this is actually tasteful, artsy even. Other than the circus freak lips, her face looks less plastic than usual. Nice jacket. Did someone draw that belly button slit in later?

2.) Based on the full frame, the belly button slit is crooked. From this distance, those lips look less inflated. Don't know if the carpet match the drapes, but the panties match the jacket.

3.) I'm just about ready to add Nads to the human league, but I stop at those lips every time. They are just way to fake, honey, let Angelina Jolie have hers and move on to aping someone else for chrissakes. And is that a vein or surgery scar above the right boob?

4.) Eeks, my eyes, damn you! OK, now I can go the rest of my life without seeing this shot again.

5.) Yeah, just bringing it in closer does not help. Seriously, my pasta lunch is about to make a reappearance.

6.) That's more like it. But must I keep harping on the lips? Yes, I must.

7.) The most fetching so far.

8.) Merv Griffin, remarking about Vanna White, says a large head on a small frame spells success in TV land. Nads has that going here. But does anyone else think she has boy hips? The black box obviously indicates exposed nip, which I'll let you horndogs search for on the interwebs because THAT is where I do draw the line.

9.) I see deep sadness in those peepers but damn if I can feel sorry for her because I'm taken back to those pink polish sausages she calls lips.

10.) From just above her breasts up, she doesn't look too bad. But, again, what's up with the right boob? It's as if someone superimposed a different breast over that one. Notice to the two tones of skin? And, no, I'm not referencing the shadow. Fortunately for her, women with two-tone skin, belly button slits and boy hips make up an entire fetish niche.

11.) Boobs that misshapen = fake.

12.) She appears less plastic from that distance. That's not a good pose for the thighs, tho. No wonder God invented airbrushing.

13.) Better.

14.) Once in a blue moon, someone will leave a comment on our Octomerde posts claiming that Nads is hot. That person should like this shot, if not all of the previous ones. Must be an acquired taste. Like arsenic.

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24 comments
Rty7888
Rty7888

i just herd of the porno she doin

Kerry214
Kerry214

Have you taken a good look at her hands & feet ? Listen, that women would have a hard time getting a man even if she worked in a Brothel. Have you heard her voice, better yet her laugh is ridiculous. She's a Tranny!!!!

me
me

 She's an alien!

fat lady
fat lady

I take issue with the article and this comment insulting Polish sausages and trannies.

Steveade
Steveade

She is def no looker even if she takes her top off. I would imagne when she brings a guy home to take him to bed she pulls out the bag and actually puts it on her own head, Just to make it easier for the guy.  

deepbluezz
deepbluezz

I don't see sadness either.. I see a woman who has lived for this moment, After stating in the UK article that she needs to hide her stunning looks when she goes anywhere made me even gag more. Suleman states she wears no makeup, jogging suits and a pretend baby bump to ward off her admirers.Who in the hell says things like that..never heard Cindy Crawford tooting her own horn. Maybe men like the saggy butt look more than I gave them credit for not to mention the thunder thighs. Suleman's Sunday night blog was a beg fest at it's best, leaking the news of the nude pictures, while repeating 3 times how to get a hold of her on Dial a Loser, even offering up her children for a little chat to total strangers. Let us not forget this is the woman who claims 90% of all men are pedophiles but for $12 a minute I will let you speak to my young children.  Suleman also complained no one is giving her credit for the wonderful job she is doing raising her children..I'm sorry letting toddlers live in their own filth, not potty trained, eating on the floor in a room that smells so badly of urine even Dr. Drew needed some fresh air. Ok, Nadya, kudos for not having anymore children...lately....happy now? Every good mother waits until the last minute of the last hour to start looking for a house for her 14 children to live in after being part of yet another foreclosure. Only this time she out did herself and tore this house up.Good luck kids, my prayers are with you.

donedonedone
donedonedone

Isn't the obvious answer for this scintillating creature to stop disguising her singularly lumpen "beauty" and get one of those many men  she mentioned who find skankcrazy  middle-aged grifters irresistible to make a married mom out of her?

If she only would spend a little of all that endless time she does selflessly mothering her exceptionally accomplished yet unpotty-trained brood of 14 on welfare, get over all the abuse her own mother dishes out to her while she is slaving unpaid in her very old age over 14 grand-kids --most of them toddlers .

Seriously now. It is one thing to scoff at the delusions of a narcissistic sociopath. It is another for one of the riches counties on the planet to leave 14 children neglected in the care of a psychotic who has proven daily for 3 years  she is incapable of giving children the smallest amount of attention needed to thrive.

It's not like there aren't a numberof qualified foster parents who would give them better lives. For all of you saying foster parents aren't so hot, how much worse than what these kids are trapped in now would they have to be?At least they would not have to unsuscessfully compete with the madwoman in the mirror for attention.

Matt -- I generally love your writing. I know this is tongue ion cheek, but it is still very,very creepy to see you doing a 4H cattle rating on someone mentally ill.Don't take her seriously, or do.

But it's 14 kids and 2 elderly parents that are ltrapped in a hell of  someone else's insanity. And the county workers who are drawing paychecks every week to protect children and the elderly are not doing enough to give any of these 16 a minimally decent life.

maxscat
maxscat

I thought she worked out?? That self-entitled smirk she always has on her hideously distorted face irks the crap out of me!

Bluebonnet
Bluebonnet

Nadya said she had to do these topless photos because she was broke. Okay... she still doesn't have a job. So what will she do 3 months from now, 6 months, 12 months, when she's broke again? Bottomless photos? After that, what's left to see, except live action you-know-what? If she doesn't get a regular job or go on welfare to survive, she will keep spiraling down.

Her lawyer said she used the money (estimated $10,000) to pay the 1st and last months deposit/rent on a new place to live. She got paid for the topless shots in February.  So why, on her March 25 webcast, was she whining that she didn't know where she would go in one month when the bank takes the house? She was asking viewers for "kind gestures," i.e., give me a house. But if she's already signed a lease on a rental home, why was she acting like she had nowhere to go? You just cannot make any sense out of what this woman says.

deepbluezz
deepbluezz

 I watched Sunday nights beg fest and you are 100% correct in Suleman claiming to have no place to go and was looking for "kind gestures"...so which is it...do you have a place or don't you or are you looking for funds to reupholster your taste buds..opps I mean new furniture. Since we all know Nadya can't afford her gated community dream house, maybe the begging was to buy her own gate and call it a day. LIE  LIE  LIE  LIE  LIE  LIE  LIE  Maybe it was the sippy cup with whine ..opps wine..in it that made Octomom miss speak...nope LIE  LIE  LIE 

barbwire
barbwire

Here we go again..various media now reporting Nudyas attorney Jeff is jumping back into the fray trying to get an eleventh hour stall on the house auction that was scheduled for Thursday morning. (He claims he may have gotten a month stall-wonder how much Nudie bucks that costs to do?) There goes her 1st and last on some place some deaf, dumb and blind landlord may have awaiting her next squat. I bet she already spent the $10K anyway.

Blondie
Blondie

Isn't it just amazing, she doesn't worry about paying the rent for months.Now she has to become Nudya to keep the bank from getting the house.Meanwhile her white knight attorney, that hasn't been seen for months inthis sad tale, is rushing to her rescue.Oh, shades of Dudley Do right! Nah, not really. LOLAnywho, stay tuned for the next titillating  chapter of," Will Nudya get evicted orwill she ???".

Joey
Joey

roflmao...got a little bromance for you on that one. She is just nasty.

barbwire
barbwire

Matt-glad you are feeling better. Hope you don't have a relapse seeing the photos. The "sadness in her eyes" you detect is her sadness she only received $10K for 46 shots (seen in another link) and not the $100K she got for the bikini shot! She may be sad because she snubbed  Hirschs offer.

Streets
Streets

I would hit that!

Blondie
Blondie

You are really desperate. How pitiful.

fat lady
fat lady

I think he means it literally.

me
me

I don't see sadness in her eyes, I see madness. I see someone who has systematically abused and neglected 14 children with impunity. I see a pathological liar. And now thanks to her latest attention-whoredom photo shoot, I see I won't be eating a very heavy dinner.

Bluebonnet
Bluebonnet

Well, of course there is some sadness! She's sad that nobody has donated her the big mansion in the gated community.

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