Sources: Fix Already in on Crystal Cathedral Renaming--Bishop Brown Wants "Transfiguration" in Name

Categories: Ex Cathedra
Not even a week has passed since Orange Bishop Tod D. Brown asked the county's 1.2 million Catholics to submit ideas with a Christological angle to rename the recently purchased Crystal Cathedral, and the game is already over.

Yes, Papists: Brownie is using ustedes, making you think you have ownership of your coming cathedral--but it's all a ruse, as His Eminence has already decided a part of the name.

Sources (the same sources who leaked out the bit about the Orange diocese seeking buying the Crystal Cathedral months before it hit the news) tell the Weekly that Brownie wants the word "Transfiguration" as part of the cathedral's name.

Trans...whatta? That whole cannibal thing about eating the Body of Christ during Communion? No. Transfiguration is when someone gets all shiny with their holiness and shit--you remember when Jesus went up a mountain with Peter, one of the Jameses, and John the Apostle, then lit up super-bright and Elijah and Moses appeared out of nowhere, then God got in on the action and said that Jesus was His son? No? Well, there you go.

Brownie wants to use transfiguration, according to sources, because of how shiny the Crystal Cathedral is. Get it? Shiny glass? Transfiguration? Bright? Typical Brownie ham-fistedness.

Insiders are already rolling their eyes at the idea, and gamely trying to sway Brownie back to good taste: at a recent meeting, a priest asked him to consider naming the Crystal Cathedral the Cathedral of Cristo Rey, to not only reflect Jesus but also all the Mexis who fill the pews of the diocese to ensure it doesn't go the way of the Presbyterians.

Brownie's response? He really wants "Transfiguration"--or, as a compromise, "Transfiguration of the Lord." Heckuva job, Brownie!


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