5 Substitute Spanish-Language Nicknames the Angels Can Use for Albert Pujols

By Gustavo Arellano Fri., Feb. 24 2012 at 10:30 AM

Spring training hasn't even truly started, and already your Anaheim Angels are annoying their $200 million man, Albert Pujols, with billboards proclaiming him "El Hombre"--"The Man" in espeaky Espanish. Not only is it unimaginative, but the St. Louis Cardinals tried to do that, a linguistic play on their beloved Hall-of-Famer Stan Musial--and Pujols told them to shove a bat where the sun don't shine. And he did the same when the Angels did the same.

But the marketing gaffe actually presents a golden opportunity for the Halos. I get they want to do an advertising campaign for the team's golden boy, one built around his Latino-ness--but what to do when your star is some humble God boy with no skeleton in his closet? Following, then, are five appropriate Spanish-language nicknames the Angels can use for Pujols. And in honor of his Christian faith, I will do something unprecedented in my writing career: not use a single Spanish curse word.

1. El Mero Mero

El Mero Mero Moreno

The most logical one, as it's a Mexican Spanish idiom that'll resonate with all the wabs and speaks to Pujols' prodigious powers. Translates roughly as "the top of the top" and used only to describe the best of the best.

2. El Reconquista

Besides, any nickname that'll outrage Barbara Coe is a good nickname!

Sure, it's grammatically incorrect, but what a wonderful way to reappropriate the term from Know Nothing yahoos! Besides, Angels owner Arte Moreno specifically brought in Pujols to retake the American League West from the Texas Rangers, so it's as apt a metaphor for Pujols as any.

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Ray

Gustavo

Remember when a few years back you wrote a piece that I believe had to do with our ethnic origins and our geographical location in the States. i.e. nuyoricans (puertoricans in NY) chicanos (mexicans in Chicago) and so on? Let's go with the same thing that I wrote to you then, The Dominic-Ano. This will come in handy when he is in a slump!

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Democrat

Funny I figured that Gustavo would have ranked El Tablazo as number one since he would like to get Albert's "wood".

gustavoarellano

That comment doesn't even make sense in the eighth-grade humor vein in which you live life.

Democrat

The blue viener is the only type you want from Albert

NG Coot

Ted Williams was Latino?

Dave Lieberman

Well, I'll be the first one to put the not-very-polite word here: he's obviously got to be "El Chingón".

Artes former slave

They already did luchdore masks...set a record...they would have to do sombreros or maybe ponchos....and I dont think Artes' mission is too take the league back from the Rangers as much as it is too take fans from the "Doyers". The rangers dont cost him money, except when they knock us out of the pennant race. Money is also why he named the team the "Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim". Have you driven around LA lately? Pujols picture is everywhere along the freeways. You wanna know how many dodger billboards I have seen?? None....Arte is about money. at the end of the day everything that is done with the Angels is done for the money.

William

1. Sobrevalorado2. el despilfarro de dinero

qdpsteve

"And in honor of his Christian faith, I will do something unprecedented in my writing career: not use a single Spanish curse word."

What's Spanish for "like" Gustavo? :-)

gustavoarellano

Like-o haha!

MayhemInTheHood

La Maquina. I don't know why they didn't go with this to begin with. They are already selling officially licensed "La Maquina" shirts at the team store. Plus, that's the nickname I'd bet most people know him by.

Dave Lieberman

Quisiera tener una máquina del tiempo para volvértelo hacee-e-e-er...

Man, I just got that out of my head. Damn you.

MayhemInTheHood

I wasn't familiar with that song, so I Googled it and watched the video.

I get that it's some sort of sketch/parody song, but what comedy show is it from? Hilarious. They should team up with Lonely Island.