Anal to the Chief! Santorum Runs ... for President

​Either a former senator from Pennsylvania or the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex has announced his candidacy for president of the United States.

One of those Santorums ended speculation on ABC's Good Morning America this morning.

The source of the confusion is the subject of the hour. Rick Santorum is a churchy conservative politician who opposes a woman's right to choose and the gays.

​His doppelganger, Santorum, is explained fully on Gustavo's favorite website, Daily Rotten, and in even greater detail on Spreading Santorum.

Basically, the first Santorum defended anti-sodomy laws in 2003 by going into great detail about sex. This alarmed freedom lovers everywhere, and only intensified after the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Santorum was, uh, full of shit. The dunce scar cost him his Senate seat.

But readers of Savage Love, Dan Savage's sex advice column carried in OC Weekly and other great publications, feared the shame would diminish. So, ol' Danny came up with a contest, explaining:

There's no better way to memorialize the Santorum scandal than by attaching his name to a sex act that would make his big, white teeth fall out of his big, empty head. And don't doubt for a moment that Savage Love readers have that power. Savage Love readers selected "pegging" for a woman doing a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo--much to my Aunt Peggy's dismay--and "pegging" is already showing up in dictionaries of sexual slang. So, readers: Should a "Santorum" be a common or a rare sex act? Vanilla or kinky? Sweet or gruesome?

A frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sex was the, er, clear winner.