5 Churches That Should Buy Crystal Cathedral

bob-schuller-and-son.jpg
Would you buy a church from these guys?
Drowning in debt, Robert Schuller's Crystal Cathedral is reportedly being put up for sale.

The American Independent
surmises the mega-church's dire financial straits demonstrate conservatism is on the wane behind the Orange Curtain.

But rather than wallow in what used to be, we ought to be celebrating our future spiritual possibilities.

Consider these five churches that could takeover Crystal Cathedral, break out the Windex, rub the joint clean like it's a giant genie bottle, add a couple vintage blinking neon signs and unveil the type of palace of peity we can all be proud of again. Even those endangered conservatives:

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1) The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints
What they'd do to it: put that ubiquitous gold bugler on top.
New name: The Los Angeles Mormon Tabernacle Crystal Cathedral Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints of Anaheim-Adjacent.
Motto: "I see London, I see France, I see through your crystal-colored magic underpants."

tom-cruise-big.jpg
2) The Church of Scientology
What they'd do to it: install a stop for their secret underground monorail between Hollywood and the L. Ron Hemet HQ.
New name: Crystal Cruise-thedral.
Motto: "Making you crystal clear."

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lishuzheng
lishuzheng

Finally (48 hours) time limit to buy.

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Briansays
Briansays

i think it would make a great mosque

Tbplayer
Tbplayer

How did Coker miss what could have been the funniest?

guest
guest

>  St. Simons and Jewish Lawyers Retained to Fight Sex Abuse Charges

wow - can't believe i just read this on a "real" news site!

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Yilu12

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ladyx
ladyx

I don't think the Mormons would be happy there, it's not tacky enough! The Salt Lake Mormons have the biggest tacky gold plated buildings, only surpassed by the red light district in Reno and Las Vegas. A all glass buildiing would only work, if they painted the whole thing gold. 

Kgschifino
Kgschifino

Grammar check: It should be:  "An all glass...," not "A all glass..."  Not trying to be condescending, but just thought you should know.  I totally agree with your comment. This could be a sign that mega churches in general are in trouble.  Fine with me, they collect billions and do nothing meaningful with all of that money! It's paradoxically sinful.

Auggie97
Auggie97

How about the true religion Jesus talked about: "feeding orhphans and widow" James 1:27It could be a wonderful place for that.

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