5 Ways to Avoid Being Outed at Crystal Cathedral

Attention, Crystal Cathedral gay choir members (you know who you are): Just because you signed a covenant with the Garden Grove megachurch vowing you are not homosexual, you have not escaped the prying eyes of pious asswipes determined to out you (they know who they are).

For heaven's sake, consider the following 5 ways to avoid being outed as gay at Crystal Cathedral . . .

DO NOT recommend more musical-dance numbers for future Glory of Easter shows.

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT inform Pastor Sheila Schuller Coleman that she's a dead ringer for the Bonnie Hunt female impersonator at Club Ripples in Long Beach.

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