5 Ways to Avoid Being Outed at Crystal Cathedral

By Matt Coker Wed., Mar. 16 2011 at 4:00 PM

Attention, Crystal Cathedral gay choir members (you know who you are): Just because you signed a covenant with the Garden Grove megachurch vowing you are not homosexual, you have not escaped the prying eyes of pious asswipes determined to out you (they know who they are).

For heaven's sake, consider the following 5 ways to avoid being outed as gay at Crystal Cathedral . . .

DO NOT recommend more musical-dance numbers for future Glory of Easter shows.

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT inform Pastor Sheila Schuller Coleman that she's a dead ringer for the Bonnie Hunt female impersonator at Club Ripples in Long Beach.

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MoTurinAlong

As someone closely tied to the place...that. is. HYSTERICAL. Thank you Mr. Coker.

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Homogenius

WHAT gay choir members?

Hell, they hardly have any choir at all. It's now the smallest it's been since they went on TV in 1970. Now, back in the day you could certainly have a gay old time. One of the paid soloists in the mid-'90s was also singing in the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles along with a former member who grew up in the children's choir program at the church.

Nowadays I'd be surprised if they had even one or two homos in the loft.

Jack

brando m, can we just have a little fun, man?! shit! Try it some time.

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brAnDoM

Many props, agreeance,m etc. to @tdwhoop & @Strive4exclnc!... This is absurd & a waste of VERY TALENTED journalism! I, of course, speak/type for myself when I state this - I UNDOUBTEDLY BELIEVE & KNOW that more attenetion (in general) should be focused towards (more) life/social/culture-defining issues such as your artiles regardin the abuse, killing & neglect that occurs FAR TOO OFTEN IN Orange County Jail (& all the penal system - as a whole) such as "WHO'LL STOP THE PAIN?!" &/or (ESPECIALLY) "Dying Inside: One Family's Story!"

No disrespect to you Gustavo, though there are urging timelines, statues, FAR more important stories that NEED attention & precendence!

Thank you for your time!

lolatyou

b random... /b/ random. (smh) stop being a new friend and gtfo

Matthew_T_Coker

Really? Very talented? Do you have a Russian mail-order sister?

mrtinez666

Did you actually mean "Do you have a Russian male-order sister?"

gustavoarellano

We do those stories, too, son!

Strive4exclnc

that was the stupidest article I've ever read. It was borderline offensive. Like all of us gays watch manhunt. We also watch Project Runway!!

tdwhoop

what is the point of this story.

gustavoarellano

To annoy you.

Matthew_T_Coker

Service journalism.

qdpsteve

Cute/semi-funny piece Mr. Coker, but don't get too smug. We all know about that Russian mail-order bride you bought a few years ago that arrived with, ahem, "extra equipment..." ;-)

Matthew_T_Coker

Are you implying that's not a tumor? Uh oh...